There Goes My Life
by JC 87
Summary: An ill-considered night after drinking leaves Varric and Cassandra with more problems than they could have ever conceived.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Updated every Thursday.

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Someone else was to blame for this, Varric thought as his hands fumbled with buckles and ties. Breath, thick with alcohol mingled between them as they stumbled up the stairs of the blacksmith's building. The heat from the forges becoming all too stifling as he and a certain Seeker reached the top and backed up towards her bedroll. His blood was rushing in his ears and he couldn't hear their drunken moans against each other. For some reason, that just seemed to make it all the more desperate.

Sparkler. It had to be his fault. The teasing and prodding. Had it been a bet of some sort during their game of Wicked Grace? That and too much to drink after they had returned from the Hinterlands after that mess with Bianca. His thoughts were cut off suddenly as Cassandra nipped painfully at his ear, but it seemed to only fuel his lust further as they fell onto her bedroll.

Normally, he would have made some joke, some observation about Nevarran royalty sleeping on the ground, but he couldn't be bothered with that. There was only her and her warm flesh and nothing seemed like a better idea than stripping her of her remaining clothes and having his way with her. Something in the back of his drunken mind hissed at him that he was going to regret this come morning, but he pushed it away. There was something primal about the way they went after each other. It was as if their verbal spats, albeit less heated now than they had been, had manifested in physical form and they were trying to outdo the other. Still, he couldn't resist a little jibe, "No silken sheets?"

Cassandra gave a small snort of disapproval, but was far too intoxicated to give a proper quip back. Maker, how had she ended up here? And with Varric of all people. She knew she'd had far too much to drink; Bull had goaded them all into consuming more than they could handle. Hazy bits of memory swam in her mind of the card game, Dorian teasing Varric about being interested in her despite her being right there, Cullen walking out before he ended up losing his clothing again, Josephine feigning surprise at winning hand after hand. But the walk back to her room, how she and Varric ended up here, she couldn't remember.

It didn't matter now. The only thing that mattered, the only thing that existed, was him. She crushed her lips to his as she moaned low in her throat. He tasted sweet, the alcohol heavy on his tongue. She struggled to get her fingers to cooperate as she unfastened the buttons on his shirt. She broke the kiss with a gasp as she felt his hardened length press up against her, setting her core on fire. Andraste help her, she wanted him. "More," she breathed and tilted her head to suck at his neck, finally able to push his shirt down his shoulders and cast it aside.

He was on fire as she kissed at him, her touch sending nothing but pleasant, heated tingles down his spine and straight into his cock. More seemed like a fantastic idea and he slid his hands along her hips, moving to lift her armor off of her and her shirt soon followed. In a clumsy move, he rolled them over so he was on top of her and he retaliated, kissing her neck, determined to suck a hickey to life. His drunken mind was laughing, thinking of how embarrassed she would be trying to cover it up tomorrow.

His hands ghosted over her flesh, releasing the binding on her breasts and he kissed his way down her throat before he latched onto a pert nipple. His fingers cupped and pinched at her neglected breast. Maker help him, but she had nice tits, he thought as he moaned against her, determined to get her to make some noise other than that disapproving grunt. If her heated gasps and moans were anything to go by, he was on the right track. He wished he could think clearly, but his mind was all of a drunken haze and the only thing he could think of was more. He had to have more of her.

Cassandra cried out as his hot mouth covered her sensitive flesh, his tongue swirling and teasing her. Her hand slid into his hair, pulling it as she pressed his face harder against her breast. The stubble on his face scratched at her skin, only adding to the sensations. She squirmed beneath him, her body hungry for his, wanting nothing between them. Her free hand skimmed down his chest, raking her nails through the hair there, to the sash around his waist. Her fingers fumbled again and she gave a cry of frustration. Her breath caught in her throat as Varric pinched her nipple, making her hips jerk and buck up against his. "Damn this thing," she growled before she finally managed to work it loose.  
Her face felt hot and she wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or her current position. Oh to hell with it all. Her fingers skimmed the waist of his pants before she slid her hand into them, curling her fingers around the impressive girth she found there. A small smirk pulled at her lips at the sound Varric made, but faltered the next moment when he sucked harder at her breast and she let her head fall back with a cry of passion.

Varric felt his length twitch in her grasp and he could practically feel her drunken smirk as she gripped him. "Two can play at that game, Seeker," he drunkenly slurred against her and he abandoned her breast in favor of trailing his hand down to her pants, slipping a hand inside past the loosened ties. He moaned against her as he felt how wet she was as he passed his middle finger over her slit. Before he could think better of it, he pushed inside of her, loving the way her body bucked up against him.  
He paused a moment to pull back and he quickly wrestled his pants off, stumbling only a little with they got caught on his ankles because he was still wearing his boots. It was the alcohol talking when he looked back at her, bare breasted, looking thoroughly debauched. He reached down and tugged her pants free before he moved down between her legs. "If only the Chantry could see you now," he murmured, pressing his thumb to her clit firmly. He briefly thought of how this must have happened in every trashy romance novel he could think of. His own, particularly.

"Hush!" Cassandra managed to scold just before stars popped in her vision. The Chantry was the last thing she wanted to think of. But the way Varric touched her made her forget it in an instant. Her back arched off the floor and she clawed at the sheets as hot tremors shot through her. She reached for him again, gripping his length firmly in her fist. It was hot in her hand, and she smirked again as she began to stroke it, determined to one up him. A whine escaped her as he moved his thumb over her clit and she stroked him faster, twisting her wrist. Yes, two could play at this game.

Somehow the pleasure seemed all the more sweeter in his haze, the way the infallible Seeker could be made to give into lust, to bring her down. Part of him relished in it, that he was doing this to her. Her hands shouldn't have felt so good on him though and he could feel his own pleasure growing as she stroked him. Half of him didn't think this was real. It felt as if he were watching from a distance, his head swimming in a way that made him falter for a moment. He shook himself and reached down between them. "Ah ah, Seeker. You're going to reach the climax prematurely if you keep that up. What happened to all that self-taught discipline?"

Cassandra huffed in frustration again. "Can you not stop talking for one minute?" She knew she should stop, should tell him to stop, but she couldn't make herself say it. She wanted this. She needed it. With everything else going on, she needed just one night to escape from it all. She released her grip on him and moved suddenly to yank him down on top of her again. She clawed at his back as she spread her legs wider and pressed up against him. Oh, the feel of his warm body, his hard muscles against her made her want him all the more. "Please," she begged, her mind still dizzy from alcohol. "Do it… ngh… before I come to my senses."

"Andraste's tits, Seeker," Varric breathed out, feeling his length sliding along her wet lips. He couldn't agree with her more. He leaned back, grasping himself before he pressed against her, sliding his tip against her entrance a moment before he pushed forward. He watched, his mind foggy as he slid inside of her. Her body cradled him in a tight grip as he seated himself inside of her. "Damn, you are tight," he breathed and leaned over her, his face pressed against her breasts as he experimentally rocked his hips, making sure he wasn't going to fall over or some shit like that. Gods, why did he drink so much?

As he thrust into her, those thoughts easily fled from his mind and all he could focus on was the silken heat that was the Seeker's body. The obscene sounds of their sweat slicked skin and arousals slapping together became almost rhythmic. It was hard to keep a steady pace with his mind racing.

For a moment, Cassandra felt like she couldn't breathe. His length was thick and impossibly hard as it slid into her, stretching her body in a deliciously aching way. Her eyes teared and rolled in her head as she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts. "Oh Maker," she gasped as she curled her arms around him, her nails digging into his back. She threw her long legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into her body as her walls clenched around him. It was as if she couldn't form a single coherent thought as she lost herself in the pleasure. "Harder!" she demanded, clinging to him, desperate already to reach her climax.

Stars burst in front of his eyes as she clenched around him. Her entire body seemed to draw him in. With her legs wrapped around his waist, he couldn't pull out as far as he would have liked, so he settled for pushing deeper into her and rocking his hips against hers in sharp thrusts. His hair came loose from its tie and fell around his face as he looked down at her.

When he was with Bianca, he never really noticed much of a height difference, but this. This was an entirely different matter and the last thing he wanted on his mind was the woman who had betrayed him, lied to his face. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. He and the Seeker were better, but that still didn't change the fact he had also lied to her about Hawke. His head was starting to hurt and he gave up all of his coherent thoughts in favor of seeing how loud he could make the woman beneath him scream out her pleasures for Andraste to hear herself. Something about that thought spurred him on and he gasped out, his pleasure climbing.

Cassandra cried out as he drove himself deeper into her wet core, pressing against all the sensitive spots within her body. She met his eyes and her mouth went dry, her heart hammered in her chest. There was something appealing about the way his hair fell down and stuck out at odd angles around his face. She pulled her hand from his back and cupped his stubbled cheek, tracing his heavy jaw as if memorizing his face for a moment. Her hand fell away the next moment to claw at the sheets as he gave a powerful thrust, making her scream out in pleasure.

Varric leaned down, nibbling at her collarbone, moaning against her as she squeezed him harshly. Maker's balls, was there any muscle in her body that she didn't train? He leaned back, slipping a hand between them so he could stroke at her clit as he continued to thrust into her. His own climax was fast approaching, but he was a gentleman and wasn't about to leave her wanting. "Come for me, Seeker. Let Skyhold hear you," he breathed out.

She lost all composure then, giving in to the pleasure he gave, and she screamed out again as her body went rigid. Wave after wave of pure ecstasy raced through her veins, setting her entire body on fire until she finally collapsed beneath him. Her chest rose and fell heavily with every breath. She set her face determinedly and planted her feet on the bedroll, lifting her hips to him, opening her body even more. She wanted to watch him come undone, to know she could bring him just as much pleasure as he gave her. She squeezed around him again, as tightly as she could, and growled out, "Let them hear you."

"Shit!" he cried out as she squeezed him, his eyes were tracing over her form. Her skin was shimmering in the soft glow left from the forges below and the way her breasts bounced as he thrust into her was mesmerizing. He grasped her hips tightly, probably enough to leave a few bruises in the morning, but at that moment he couldn't have cared less. His balls were pulled tightly up against him and he was teetering on that edge as he thrust into her sharply once, twice more before he tilted his head back as he came deeply inside of her. He held her securely to him, letting her body milk every last drop from him before he fell forward. The high of the orgasm and the alcohol made him sluggish and unbelievably content for the moment. "Fuck, Seeker," he slurred.

Cassandra whined as she let her hips drop back to the floor, his length slipping from her body. She relished in the feel of his hot seed within her and she gave a long, contented sigh as she relaxed back on the bedroll. Her vision was blurry, her head swimming pleasantly, and she gave him a sleepy smile. "Impressive, dwarf," she said as her breathing evened out. Oh, curse that alcohol. The room seemed to spin now and she felt incredibly sleepy. Her hand went to her face, rubbing at her eyes, trying to clear her vision, but it was hopeless. "Never let me drink this much ever again," she moaned.

Varric groaned as he moved off of her, rolling to her side as he lifted his own arm to drape over his eyes. He shivered as the cooler air wrapped around him and he fumbled around until he grasped Cassandra's blankets, pulling them up around their shoulders. He snorted, "As if you would let me stop you from doing anything. We both know you would throw something at me, one of my books with a knife stuck in it, and continue on your merry way. Besides, how is this my fault?"

"You were the one who sssuggested that we play that ridiculous card game," she slurred. Her eyes drooped and she blinked harshly, trying to keep herself awake. She rolled and let her arm flop across his chest. "It is all your fault. Everything is always your fault."

He snorted, his drunkenness taking away the hurtful bite of his words, "Yes, of course Seeker. I would hate to disappoint you by doing something right for once." He quickly shut his mouth to try to mask the hiccup that worked its way out. Gods, he was going to be feeling this one in the morning.

"Shhhhhh," she hushed him, slapping weakly at his chest. She meant to retort, but the words died on her lips as her eyes slid shut and instead a long snore escaped her.


	2. Chapter 2

The headache radiated through Cassandra's skull before she even opened her eyes. Oh, why did she let them goad her into drinking so much last night? Her body ached and she whined as she rolled over. Light from the window hit her closed eyes and she cringed. A brief thought flitted through her mind as she wondered if she could get away with just staying in bed all day. She sighed as she cracked open her eyes and glared at the morning sunlight. They'd never let her get away with that. She stretched slightly as she slowly became more aware of her surroundings. She could barely remember the night before and she wondered how she'd even made it back to her room. There was something… something about Varric…

A swooping pain filled her stomach as pieces of memory flashed in her mind. No. No, she didn't. She wouldn't. Would she? Cautiously, nervously, she rolled over. Her eyes flew wide and she scrabbled backwards away from the sleeping dwarf. The _naked_ sleeping dwarf. She was even more unsettled to realize that she was naked, too. "Maker, what have I done?!"

Varric couldn't stop the groan of disapproval in his voice as he turned away from the shrill voice of the Seeker. His head was pounding and the events from last night were all a blur to him. There couldn't be a good reason for the Seeker to be in his bedroom this early in the morning. "Whatever it is, it can wait until it's a DECENT time. It has to be before noon." Of course it had to be. He wanted to say before the crack of dawn but the feeling of the sunlight streaming in… He froze. His bedroom didn't have windows, half of the reason he loved that room. He could stay up later to work on his writings and sleep as late as he wanted without having to worry about the blasted sun waking him prematurely. His eyes flew open, which he immediately regretted and he sat up with a curse, "Shit!"

He squinted as he looked around, the unnatural sounds of the world around him came to his ears. The ringing of the blacksmiths hard at work, the sounds of recruits training just outside. He finally spared a glance over to the naked Seeker who was still trying to put distance between them. He groaned and realized their clothes were strewn all over the room. "Oh Andraste's tits, tell me we didn't do what all the evidence is pointing to." He spied several dark marks coming to life on her neck. "Shit. I thought it was just a bad, alcohol induced dream."

Cassandra wasted no time grabbing up her clothes and dressing as quickly as her hangover would allow. "This is all your fault!" she snapped as she tugged up her breeches, but had to pause and press the heel of her hand to her forehead. This couldn't be real. It had to be some sort of nightmare. But the pain in her head certainly felt real. "Out of everything that has happened, this has to be the worst."

She managed to tie the laces on her breeches and began to toss Varric's clothing at him as she separated his from hers. Her mind raced. What would people say? Did they already know? Her face burned hotly with embarrassment. Some of the others might not say anything, but there were others who would never let her live this down. She shuddered to think of what would happen if Sera knew.

She turned sharply towards him, a fierce glare in her eyes. "We tell no one about this," she hissed.

Varric rolled his eyes as he pulled on his clothes. "What's that, Seeker? I'm sorry. I'm still hung up on how you think this is the worst thing to have happen to you. Not the Conclave, Haven, or any of that shit. Waking up next to me tops all of the bad shit that we've been through. Good to know," he muttered as he pulled on his tunic and swept his hair out of his face while he looked around for the band to tie it back with. "And of course it's my fault, it's not like you were drunk with me. I'm fairly sure though, if that were the case, you would have stabbed me several times over before I even got to first base. So, it seems we both fucked up equally in that regard," he said as he found his tie and haphazardly pulled his hair back. He felt like shit as he stood up, wavering only slightly as his head pounded away at his skull. "But at least we can agree on something. This never happened and will never happen again."

Cassandra gave a sharp nod and instantly regretted it. For once, she trusted Varric to keep his mouth shut. She suspected he would be equally embarrassed if the truth came out. "Just… get out of here," she said with less bite than she would've liked. "Don't let anyone see you leave." She couldn't look at him, she was so disappointed in herself for getting so drunk, for making such a stupid mistake. She shifted her hips uncomfortably, feeling a wetness within her that she realized was not her own. It made her stomach covered her eyes with her hand and rubbed at her forehead. "This is the last time I let anyone talk me into playing cards again."

Varric felt even more like shit the more she talked to him like he was some shameful thing that had to be kept hidden. How many times did Bianca tell him that same thing? _Go out the back, don't let anyone see you. See you around, Varric._ He groaned and made sure he had all of his things. "Yes, Seeker. Far be it from any one to let you have some fun. The world has to be ending. Nevermind the fact that I am pretty sure at least three people already know what went on last night, but feel free to go ahead and blame me for that as well," he said bitterly as he went for the stairs. He was going to slip out the back and go to his room and really forget that last night ever happened.

A cold fear shot through her and she dropped her hand with a gasp, turning to look at him with wide eyes. "You really think they already know?" she asked. "But… but how? I barely remember what happened last night. Did someone see us?" She reined herself in quickly and squared her shoulders, fixing him with the best serious expression she could muster. "Tell me what you remember," she demanded. "If anyone saw anything, I want to squash rumors before they can begin."

Varric tried to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "Oh, now there's the Seeker I met back in Kirkwall. You're a smart woman, think about it. We both were as drunk as hell, neither of us remember a thing. Surely, though, you remember what kind of company we keep? I would put money on betting that both Leliana and Tiny know what we were up to. Depending on who else was paying attention last night, a lot more could know. Don't worry. You can just say I took advantage of your honor. I'll be ready with Bianca. I'm sure Curly will have a few choice words for me."

She made an indignant noise. "I wouldn't say that," she protested. No matter how much she disliked Varric, she wouldn't make him out to be like that. That was going too far.

He shook his head and kept walking, "Then just say we passed out drunk on the stairs."

"Passing out on the stairs is acceptable. If anyone thinks they know what happened, we will tell them that," she said, for once appreciating how easily the lies came to Varric. Now if only she could tell them so easily. She moved to pull her armor on over her clothing, knowing she needed to get out and train, to keep up the appearance that nothing strange had happened even though she really didn't feel like it.

* * *

"So, Cassandra," Dorian started, a sly smile already tugging at his lips as he wandered over towards the training dummies where she was giving one no quarter, "I heard you had quite the night after leaving the tavern yesterday. Varric is being a spoilsport and won't regale me with the details. I was hoping you could enlighten me."

Cassandra stumbled as she swung her sword and she turned quickly to face Dorian, her spine as stiff as a poker. Yes, leave it to Dorian to ask such a personal question. And with that little smirk on his lips. Oh how she wished she could smack it off his face in that moment. "I don't know what you are talking about," she answered tersely. She narrowed her eyes the next moment. "You heard it, hmm? From whom?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "From the horse's mouth it would seem. After you and Varric tumbled out of the bar last night, I excused myself for the night as well. I may have... detoured a little bit before I did head off. Suffice it to say, I only stayed long enough to confirm my suspicions before I went along. It was only a matter of time really. I mean, he wrote a book for you. And your little spats are always so adorable out in the field. I'm surprised you haven't fallen into bed with each other sooner. It's practically courtship back in my homeland."

She felt the blood drain from her face. "You… you spied on us?" she gasped. Embarrassment flooded her chest as her heart raced.

"No, no, spying on you actually involves seeing something. I merely eavesdropped."

"That is no better!"

He held up his hands. "I also wanted to make sure I didn't hear any foul play going on as well. I'm not completely without some redeeming quality."

She didn't know if she wanted to shout at him more or just run and hide. She schooled her expression, her hand tightening on her sword. "I suppose I appreciate your concern," she said through clenched teeth, "but it is none of your business. What happened was a momentary lapse in judgment, fueled by drink and nothing more. And no, I will not be sharing any details." As if she could remember them anyway.

"What?! No details?" He feigned hurt and held a hand to his chest. "You wound me, Cassandra. Are you sure you won't share a little? Not even if I offer up my patented hangover remedy? I might do that anyway. No offense, but you aren't exactly looking your best this morning." He considered her for a moment before he shrugged and reached into a pouch on the side of his belt, withdrawing a small vial of a greenish liquid. "Should take the edge off of that headache you are no doubt sporting. I've perfected it over the years. And don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

She narrowed her eyes, but reached out to snatch the vial from his hand. "It would seem no secret is safe in Skyhold," she answered. She uncorked the vial and hesitated only a moment before she drank it down. She choked at the bitter taste, the way it seared her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut, but the next moment her headache seemed to vanish. "Thank the Maker," she breathed. She opened her eyes again and scowled at the smug look on Dorian's face. "Do you always have to look so proud of yourself?"

"My dear, I always look this good. Why would I want to mess with perfection?" he asked as he took the empty vial back from her. His expression seemed to sober the next moment. "Truly, Cassandra. We are in the middle of a war. While it is important to keep our eyes on the goal of victory, remember the things we are fighting for from time to time. If we give those up in the battle for them, what is the point? It was good to see you enjoying yourself last night in the tavern. It is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Not in the tavern, perhaps, but what happened after," she said. She sighed and looked at the ground, shaking her head. "I know what we are fighting for. Drunken one night stands are not it. That is not who I am, and I am ashamed of it. If anyone else knew, if people find out…" She looked up at him again with worry in her eyes. "What will they think of me? What will people say? You know gossip spreads through this place like wildfire. I am a candidate for the Divine. Can you not see how this looks?"

He gave her a sad smile, "But in a world where it could all end tomorrow, how can we do anything but live life and take risks?" He looked around towards the Great Hall of Skyhold. "Gossip may spread in here, but that will be the end of it. Now with our lovely Spymaster and Ambassador ready to thwart rumors before they even think of heading out the door. As for in here, I'm fairly sure there are a few people, yourself included, who can scare them right out of existence. I can endeavor to do the same if you like. Besides, I can't stand to have someone else being at the top of the rumor mill. Messes with my spotlight, you see?"

A small smile pulled at her lips. "You can keep your spotlight. I want none of it," she answered. She turned towards her practice dummy and raised her sword again, but paused and looked back to him. "Thank you, Dorian. For relieving my headache, and for not judging me."

He gave a bow with his own flourish, "I am but a humble servant to the Inquisition."

"Humble my ass."


	3. Chapter 3

You get an extra chapter this week!

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Cassandra's worry dissipated over the next few weeks as no rumors about her and Varric reached her. Perhaps they'd managed to be a little more discreet than she'd originally thought, or maybe Dorian had made good on his word and helped to stop the rumors before they could spread. Either way, she was grateful.

Things between her and Varric were, well, almost nonexistent at this point. Instead of trading insults and jabs at one another like usual, they avoided one another, save for when the Inquisitor called on them to work together. Part of her almost missed the banter with the dwarf, but it felt far too awkward now around him, especially after the things she'd said that morning. She suspected she'd hurt him on some level, yet she couldn't bring herself to apologize. So she continued on as if nothing had happened.

That is, until she started feeling sick.

She was walking alongside Leliana, discussing their nominations for becoming the next Divine when it happened. The smell of meat cooking hit her nose as they walked past the tavern and her stomach lurched. She swallowed and clenched her jaw, fighting against the nausea that overwhelmed her. "I'm sorry, Leliana," she gasped and turned away, rushing over to vomit behind a bush. She spat and groaned before she stood up straight. "Excuse me," she said, her face feeling flush. "I think I am coming down with something. That is the third time in two days."

Leliana smiled at her friend, chuckling behind her hand, "A nausea that only strikes you when you smell something particularly strong, yes? Unexplained headaches, out of breath faster than normal." She shook her head. "In any case, I had been meaning to talk to you about your 'illness.' Especially if you are still very much to be kept in consideration for the next Divine."

Cassandra's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about, Leliana? What does a little stomach virus have to do with becoming the Divine?" She drew a deep breath and stood up straighter. "I am sure it is nothing. But perhaps you should not stand too close to me. I wouldn't want you to catch it if it is contagious."

Leliana laughed out loud at that. "I seriously doubt that, but this is not a conversation to be had where there are prying eyes and ears," she said and quickly led them towards the blacksmith, up to Cassandra's area on the third floor. She wasted little time as she turned towards her friend, "I will have to know what your intentions are, of course. If you truly want to be considered for Divine or if you want to continue on your current path. I have something for your stomach bug, but you will have to be absolutely certain that this is what you want. Of course, you will have to speak with Varric about it. Unless you haven't told him yet and plan to keep it that way."

Cassandra was more confused than ever. "Speak plainly, Leliana. I have no idea what you are talking about," she said as a frown crossed her lips. She tried to sort it all out in her head, to make sense of what Leliana said, but for the life of her, she didn't understand it. "And why would I speak to Varric about this? As of late, he and I are… no longer on speaking terms. I fail to see what interest he would have in my health."

The Spymaster blinked at Cassandra a moment before realization clicked and her mouth formed an o. "Oh! I wasn't aware that you were not aware. I thought the signs of being with child were obvious ones. As for why he would have a stake in the wellbeing of his own child, I would hope that is self explanatory. I thought it was all rather obvious, considering your night together some weeks ago."

Horror and anger lanced through Cassandra and for a moment, she thought to punch Leliana for such an accusation. "I am not with child!" she cried angrily before she gasped and lowered her tone. _Oh please let no one have heard that._ "I am not with child," she repeated in a low hiss. "How could you think such a thing?" She felt as though she couldn't breathe and she took a step back from the other woman. A cold sweat broke out on the back of her neck as she thought about it. "No," she breathed, shaking her head adamantly. "No, no this cannot be. I cannot be pregnant, especially with Varric's child!"

Leliana observed her friend as she denied it. "I will admit, it is rather unheard of for two different races to conceive a child together. The chances of this happening are slim to none." Her eyes narrowed as she saw Cassandra getting ready to have a breakdown. "Easy! Relax. This is not the end of the world. Like I said, if you truly do not want to go through with this, I have something that will make it as though it never happened and you can go on as normal."

Cassandra waved her hands, shaking her head. "Stop. Just stop," she pleaded, trying to take in everything Leliana said. She felt shaky and had to sit down on the floor for a moment before her knees gave out. She rested her elbows on bent knees and covered her face with her hands. "Maker, no. No, this cannot be happening," she prayed. She didn't know what to feel in that moment. Scared. Angry. Guilty. "Oh, I think I might be sick again." She dragged her hands down her face and looked up at Leliana. "What am I going to do?" she whispered.

Leliana knelt down next to Cassandra. "There are quite a few things you can do in this situation. The choice is yours of course, but perhaps you should speak to Varric. He might have better input than I. Think carefully about what you want, of course, if you want to be Divine or if you want to stay on this path, but a choice, a hard choice, must be made. You know everyone here will support your decision."

"Will they?" Cassandra asked skeptically. "You are more optimistic than I." She frowned as she stared at the floor. She was still trying to accept this information; she didn't think she could make such a decision now.

"We are at war, Cassandra. They will understand that sacrifices must be made."

She swallowed harshly. If it was true, she didn't think she could do what Leliana suggested. She shook her head. "If what you are saying is true, if I truly am carrying Varric's child, then I will give up my candidacy to the Divine. You said that a child between races is rare. This must be the will of the Maker, though I do not see his reason for it." She bowed her head and forced herself to breathe steadily through her nose. "Andraste preserve me," she cursed.

She looked up again, her face set in determination. "I will not speak to Varric until I am absolutely certain." She chewed her lip, wondering how she could find out for sure. "Do you think one of the mages might be able to tell me?" She bowed her head again. "I feel foolish."

Leliana nodded and tapped a finger to her lips. "If I had to suggest someone to you, I would say go and see Solas. He sees more about the world around him than he lets on."

"Solas?" Cassandra asked. "I… I am not certain I am comfortable discussing the matter with him. Perhaps Dorian…"

Leliana stood up, helping Cassandra up as well, "It's whomever you want to see that can help you determine if my hunch is right or wrong. You still have some time to think things over before it is too late. Make the decision based on what you want, not what's expected of you."

* * *

Cassandra spent the next few hours lost in thought, taking out her aggression on her practice dummy. She didn't know if she could speak to Dorian about this, though he hadn't been judgmental about her night with Varric. Part of her wasn't even sure if she wanted to know one way or the other and wished she could just go on pretending like it never even happened, like this was something she didn't have to deal with. But even as she tried to ignore it, it ate at her.

Finally around mid-afternoon she stabbed her sword into the ground with a growl of frustration and turned on her heel to march towards the main hall. She had to do this before she lost her nerve.

She found Dorian in his usual nook, perusing the selection of books on the shelves there. She grabbed him by the arm, rougher than she meant to, and dragged him along with her. "I need to speak to you privately," she hissed.

"Whatever you've heard, I didn't do it. Bull goaded me into it, that great lummox!" Dorian protested as he was dragged into an empty room and he blinked as he looked around and then finally stopped his gaze on Cassandra, "Really, I am flattered by this, but you must know by now that I swing the other way, yes?"

Cassandra slapped a hand to her own face. "Maker, help me," she growled before she lowered her hand and glared at Dorian. "Yes. We are all aware of your _preferences_. That is not why I brought you here," she stated firmly. She swallowed and looked down at her hands, twisting her fingers together. Her voice was softer when she spoke again. "I have a question and I do not know if you can answer it for me, but I do not know who else to go to." She drew a deep breath and met his eyes. "I have not felt well for the past few days. Leliana believes that I am… with child. But I do not know for certain. Is there any way you could…?"

Dorian's eyebrows nearly shot up into his hair. "With child? I... would offer my congratulations on the matter, but I'm getting the feeling that they would not be appreciated at this point in time." He held a hand to his chin, thinking thoughtfully for a moment. "I am sorry to say, this matter is really the furthest from my area of expertise; you couldn't be further off the map. You know how it is with the whole 'I'm a necromancer.' We like to deal in death, not life. You should really see Solas about this. This seems up his alley. With spirits and such. Something like that. It sounded better in my head."

"Ugh!" she huffed. "Leliana said the same. Solas is just so… judgmental. I'd hoped you would have an answer for me." She huffed again, feeling nervous and defeated. "I suppose there is no other option. I will speak to Solas. I am sorry to have bothered you. And I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself."

She seemed to drag her feet as she left Dorian, making her way to the rotunda where she knew Solas would be. She could feel her face burning and knew it had to be ten different shades of red by the time she reached the bottom of the stairs.

He stood on the scaffolding, working on one of the murals on the wall.

"Solas?" she asked, hating how timid she sounded. "Might I speak with you for a moment?"

Solas looked over his shoulder, pausing his brush strokes. He was almost uncertain of who had called up to him and he was surprised to see Cassandra standing there, looking rather out of place. "Of course, Seeker. I'll be just a moment," he said as he carefully put down his brushes and grabbed up a dirty rag to wipe his hands off on before he climbed down. "Is something the matter? You look troubled."

"I am," she admitted, fidgeting slightly. "I need to discuss something with you. It is rather personal," she said hesitantly. "I had hoped to not involve anyone else with this, but Dorian could not answer it for me." Oh, she wanted to hide, to run away and pretend that this conversation wasn't happening. "Leliana believes I am pregnant. And I have no way of knowing for certain at this point. But I must know. It is driving me crazy not to. I had hoped that maybe you would know a way to tell for certain." Her face was on fire, she was certain of that much, and her hands shook so badly that she clasped them together to try to hide it.

Solas' eyebrows raised a bit before his features softened and he smiled at her. "Of course, Seeker. I know a spell or two on the matter. I have seen many performed during my journeys into the Fade. The ancient elves were quite proficient in picking up the energies and resting spirits within another," he said as he looked at her carefully, taking in her nervous state. Gently he raised his hands, extending them towards her abdomen, "If I may?"

Cassandra was surprised at the relief she felt, knowing that she would finally get her answer. She nodded and stepped closer, her heart beating faster than ever before. _'Please, Andraste, let it not be true,'_ she prayed silently in her head. She struggled to control her breathing as she moved her hands behind her and looked over at the wall, pretending to be interested in the paintings there. She couldn't remember ever feeling so uncomfortable in her life.

Solas extended his magic outward, a blue light surrounding his hands as he gently passed it over Cassandra, feeling out for the telltale signs. The little life inside of her responded in kind, whispers of gentle, pure spirits whispered to him about it and he smiled. "I do believe congratulations are in order, Cassandra," he said as he ended the spell, looking up at her face, but he paused as he saw the concern, the pain in her expression, and he was acutely aware that they were no longer alone as Cole appeared in the room.

"A light in the darkness, but there is fear, pain. Maker, please let it not be true. I cannot be. Not with his child." He blinked and looked over at Cassandra, "But there is so much happiness in this little one. Enough to make you and Varric very happy. I do not understand why it hurts you so. It is so pure, so white."

Cassandra's heart sank. Solas confirmed what she feared and now Cole spoke those fears aloud. She could not deny it any longer. A hard knot formed in her throat that she couldn't swallow. "This cannot be," she whispered in disbelief. She turned away from them, her hands clenching into fists that shook at her sides. She shook her head, angry with the situation, angry at the Maker, angry at Varric. And most of all, angry with herself. "One stupid night of drinking and now I will be forever tied to that insufferable dwarf," she snarled. "Oh, I will never forgive myself for such a stupid mistake."

Cole blinked, "Oh no, I made it better, but now it's worse." He scratched at his head through his hat. "I don't understand. The little life in you is happy to be there. Happiness that wants to spread."

"Cole," Solas said cautiously, "Thank you, but I do believe this is something Cassandra needs to work through on her own. This is not something one can forget." He watched as Cole nodded his understanding and vanished without another word before he turned back to Cassandra. He considered her for a moment, casting the spell was one thing, dealing with someone who did not want the gift they had was another. "Mistakes have interesting ways of turning out, Seeker. On the one hand, they can be disastrous and unkind, leaving you reeling in their wake to undo what you can to make things right again. This, however, is something different entirely. It is not a mistake that can be undone and if it can, you will not be the same person when it is finished. So forge ahead. I have seen many couples in the Fade benefit and flourish in the wake of an unexpected child. It changes them. Perhaps it will change Varric as well?"

She still stood with her back to him, fighting the burning sensation in her eyes. "I do not want to change. And Varric, he will never be any different than he is now. Leliana offered me a way to end this, but I will not take it. I know you do not believe in the Maker, Solas, but I have to believe that this is somehow his will. I will not go against that." She sighed heavily and let her shoulders relax slightly. "To be honest, I do not wish to travel either path, but now I have no choice. I must deal with the consequences of my mistakes." She cleared her throat and turned to him. "Thank you. I am sorry to have bothered you with this, but I did not know where else to go."

He gave her a slight bow. "I am, as always, happy to help, but Seeker. Do not make the mistake that you have to shoulder this alone. It is not a path I would wish on anyone."

"It is my mistake, Solas. And as I said, I shall deal with the consequences."


	4. Chapter 4

Cassandra didn't approach Varric immediately. She needed time to think, to absorb it all herself before she told him. She toyed with the idea of not telling him at all, but quickly realized it was foolish. She couldn't hide it from him for long. And it wasn't as if she could pretend it was someone else's child. He was too smart for that.

She spent several days doing nothing but training, working out her anger at the whole situation, so much so that she had to make a request for new training dummies twice because she went through them so fast. Everyone seemed to sense that she was in a mood and gave her a wide berth because of it, for which she was thankful. She didn't want to talk to anyone; she just wanted to be left alone with her thoughts and her anger.

And her morning sickness.

It was miserable, seeming to throw up everything she ate. And it didn't matter what time of day it was, it could strike without warning or cause. She tried to be more careful about what she ate, but it did little to lessen her nausea. She could smell everything it seemed and damned if her breasts didn't ache something awful. And this was only the beginning? She supposed it was her punishment for what she'd done, for drinking to excess, for sleeping with Varric. She kept trying to think of excuses not to talk to him, a way to avoid it, but she knew it was hopeless.

Late one morning, after her third bout of sickness when she was certain there was nothing left in her system to come up, she decided to do it. She saw him coming down the stairs from the great hall, walking towards the tavern. Her stomach coiled painfully, but she forced her legs to move, carrying her quickly across the yard. She hadn't spoken to him since that first morning. Not really, anyway. But she had to do this, to just be done with it so she could stop worrying over it.

"Varric," she said as she stepped directly in front of him, blocking his path. She squared her shoulders and set her jaw, standing tall before him. She'd had a whole speech planned out in her head, but suddenly the words were gone from her mind. "I am pregnant," she stated stiffly, almost professionally. "With your child. I thought you should know." And with that, she turned on her heel and strode back towards her practice dummy.

Varric stood there, his mind reeling as he tried to process the words she all but spelled out for him in that curt voice she usually reserved for interrogations. It took him a moment more to realize she wasn't talking about some mission they were supposed to go on. It was a joke. It had to be. One of the Seeker's attempts at a joke to try and get them back on speaking terms.

Except that this shit wasn't funny. He started after her, double timing it to keep up with her long strides. "Hey! The hell kind of shit was that? You don't talk to me for weeks on end and when you finally do it's to lie to my face? I get it Seeker, I do. You really didn't have to pull the 'Hey we slept together, now I'm pregnant' card. You don't have to worry about that ever again. Falling into bed with you again is the last thing on my mind right now, so you can put your fears to rest."

Cassandra snorted and paused in her steps to turn to him. "I'm not lying!" she protested. She could see the confusion in his eyes, the same way she'd felt just days before when Leliana told her of her suspicions. With a heavy sigh that made her shoulders drop, she turned fully to him. That really wasn't the best way to break the news to him. Her nose wrinkled a bit, "It had better be the last thing on your mind, because it certainly isn't in my mind at all." Her tone softened a bit, her expression somber. "But it is no lie. Why would I lie about such a thing?"

Varric felt his stomach lurch at the way she deflated and his eyes widened. "Because shit like this couldn't possibly be true. It's exactly the kind of thing you'd find in my trashy romance serial. Fuck." He ran a hand through his hair as he felt the implications starting to press down on him. The Seeker, pregnant with his child? "Okay, so you told me. I suppose you are going to get rid of it?" he asked bitterly, "One more innocent life for the cause? I can't imagine the Chantry would select a Divine…" He trailed off and shook his head, "What are you going to do about it?"

Cassandra was hurt at that. "You really think me so callous?" she asked, fighting to keep the emotion out of her voice, but failing. "I will do no such thing. If some women would choose that path, then that is their choice. But it is not for me." In truth, the very thought of it made her heart ache. "I will give up my candidacy for the Divine. I know how this will look to the Chantry. And I can only imagine the scandal it will cause once everyone knows. That is why I told you, so you could prepare yourself."

"Of course I think you callous. Have you met yourself? Unless you've forgotten how we first met. Making sure the ends justify the means. I'm surprised you told me at all." He wasn't being fair and he knew it. He was surprised to hear she would so willingly give up being Divine for the child she carried. His child on top of that.

Her jaw clenched, his words stinging her even more. "Forget I mentioned it," she said darkly. Her emotions were screwed up enough without him adding to it. "I can handle this alone. Do not worry yourself." She turned and started back towards the practice dummies, withdrawing her sword as she went. She didn't know why she was so hurt. What had she really expected of him? It's not like he would take the news well, she knew that much, but… She shook her head. Perhaps her hormones were running away with her already. It only made sense that he was no more happy about this than she was.

Something about the way she said it, it had him speaking before he could think, "No." This was making his head hurt and he pressed his palms to his eyes. "Shit, Seeker. I'm no good at this stuff. If you are serious and you are really going to go through with it, I'm not going to leave a child of my own blood without a father. Without some sort of familial support. Even if you don't want me around, which I find it hard pressed to say that you will." He needed a drink for this crap. "I just... need some time to process it." He was also ashamed to say that Bianca floated through his mind as well. What would she think of this mess? He nearly snorted at that. Not that she could say anything, but it still hurt.

"It would seem neither of us are good at this," she admitted. "If you want to be part of this child's life, I will not deny you. But I do understand needing time to think things over." She shifted her weight and looked down at the sword in her hands. "It is a lot to take in. I meant to say it in a better way, but you know how I am with words. I am not so well spoken as you." An awkward silence fell and she cleared her throat. "I should return to my training. You look like you need some time to yourself," she said.

Varric pressed his lips thin, watching as she turned her full attention back to a training dummy and he spouted off several curses in his head as he turned on his heel and headed for the tavern as he had originally planned. His mind was swimming with the new information and what it all meant. He was in a right mood when he went into the Herald's Rest and ordered a drink before he pressed his hand to his eyes. This shit could not get any weirder.

"So Cass finally told ya, huh?" Bull asked as he sat himself next to Varric and ordered a drink for himself.

Varric blinked a moment before he looked at the Qunari. "She told you? Shit, I'm the last one to know, aren't I? Figures she would do that."

"No. She didn't have to," Bull answered and took a long drink. "She's in a fouler mood than usual. Eating nothing but dry toast and tea. And getting sick every time she turns around. It's pretty obvious."

"Ah shit, you did that Ben'Hassrath thing," Varric muttered and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, she told me. Told me she's keeping it and giving up Divine so she can. Which makes me out to be the big bad monster once again. Makes me wonder if there's anyone's life out there that I haven't fucked up yet. Shit, Tiny. What am I supposed to do in this situation?"

Bull gave a snort of a laugh. "You're asking me? You remember the Qunari don't do the family thing, right?" He considered his mug for a moment, a slight frown on his face. "How are you the monster here? It's not like she wasn't a willing participant. She's just as guilty as you are, if anyone could be considered guilty. The way I heard it, she was screaming 'yes' not 'no.'" He nearly laughed at Varric's expression. "Dorian talks more than he should sometimes."

"Glad to know we've become part of the rumor mill. Shit, I'm the one who is usually on the other end of those things." He shook his head. "This whole situation is something I really don't want to get into. There's too much other shit going on. I just…" he started and stopped, but then figured Bull already knew more about himself than he would care to admit. What was the harm? "I've seen firsthand what raising a kid on your own can do to a strong woman. I'm not about to do that to Cassandra. She doesn't deserve that. It would be easier if she didn't want to sever my head from my shoulders, though."

Bull nodded. "Maybe you should do something about that," he commented casually. "And before you ask, no. I don't know what you could do to soften her up." He gave a shrug, "Unless you want to write her another book. Although that might have been one of the contributing factors that got you two into this mess in the first place."

"Yeah, I'm going to blame the Inquisitor for that one." He downed his beer and set it on the table more forcefully than he would have liked. "Why can't any normal, good shit happen to us? Why does it always have to be weird and awkward? Well, I mean, there's good weird, like you and Sparkler. Honestly though, who would have seen that coming? It's about as weird as this."

Bull chuckled at that. "Who says this has to be bad for you and her? Inconvenient, maybe, but not necessarily bad. It's still new in your mind. You just need time to think things over." He finished the rest of his drink as well with a smack of his lips. "And if things were always good and normal for us, you wouldn't have any material for your books."

"Truer words have never been said." He took a breath, finding it hard to believe that talking with Bull would make him feel so calm about the situation. He really did need to take a moment for himself and think over what this meant. For him, for Cassandra, for that unborn child growing inside of her. He shook his head, it was hard to believe that this would be anything but bad for the Seeker and him. "Thanks, Tiny. I think I need to go and rethink some of my life's choices."


	5. Chapter 5

It was a bad idea, Varric thought as he approached the Seeker while she was going after the training dummy as if it had personally wronged her. He couldn't stop himself from swallowing harshly as the head suddenly went flying as she decapitated it all too easily. "Pretty sure you've killed it several times over, Seeker. How about a break?" he suggested smoothly, hoping his posture and tone were as steady as he thought them to be. He certainly didn't feel it.

Cassandra wiped the sweat from her forehead and turned to him. "Why? I have nothing better to do at the moment," she answered and raised her sword again, hacking away at the dummy. "Did you need something?" she asked frostily. She mentally scolded herself. She needed to stop snapping at everyone who came to speak to her. She'd closed herself off from everyone recently, thinking she needed the time to herself, but it wasn't helping the way she'd hoped it would.

He pulled a water skin from his belt and shook it at her. "Just making sure you aren't working yourself to death. Someone has to remind you to take care of yourself. I mean, not that I'm questioning your abilities, if anyone is pregnant and can still take on a dozen ogres at once, it'd be you, but you are still human. Take a break."

She sighed slowly through her nose and sheathed her sword before she accepted the water from him. She drank it, raising an eyebrow at him, unsure of why he was here. Aside from the obvious. She lowered the water and handed it back to him. "How are you?" she asked. "I haven't seen much out of you the past few days."

He sighed as he took the skin back from her and moved to sit on the ground next to the stool she liked to perch on from time to time. "I've been better, but then, I'm guessing so have you." He rubbed the back of his neck before he thought better of it and took a long drink of water for himself. "I was doing a lot of thinking."

"I assumed as much," she said as she moved to sit down. She didn't know what to expect, but she steeled herself for whatever he was about to say. "And? What have you decided?"

"That I'm an ass," he said, "But I'm not about to let you tackle this on your own, so I thought I might try to be civil with you. We were on our way before that night, teaching you about Wicked Grace and all of that shit. I think we at least owe it to the kid that we should try not to hate each other."

"You are an ass," she agreed, though her tone was slightly playful. A small smile pulled at her lips. "I think that would be good. You are right, we were getting along better before this happened, weren't we? Fighting for the same cause." She chewed her lip and thought about it for a moment, looking at her hands. "I don't hate you, Varric. But this entire situation… What happened between us… I am so out of my element."

He snorted. "Yeah, not exactly my area of expertise either, but this is where we find ourselves. I'm not about to let someone call me out on being less than what I could be for this. I won't be that man. So, you know. Whatever you need, just ask," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at her, "And try not to work yourself to death out here training or out in the field on missions. You and the kid both deserve to be healthy. Shit. I can write this all day long and in my sleep, but when it actually pertains to me… You know you can stop me at any time, Seeker."

She laughed a little at that. "No one can stop you when you get to speaking. You should know that much about yourself," she said. "And I am not working myself to death. I'm doing my normal routine. You can't expect me to just sit around all day when I am here. I know there will be a time soon when I am all but useless to the Inquisition. Let me have this while I still can."

Varric laughed at that, "Seeker, I doubt there will never be a time when you are useless to the Inquisition. You wouldn't allow it." He threw his hands up in the air, "Alright, not that you would listen either, but just, you know. Be careful. I know you wouldn't become sedimentary just because you, you know. Just don't do anything reckless if you can help it." He paused, debating with himself for a moment, "We're playing a few games of Wicked Grace tonight at the tavern. You should swing by, see if you remember anything."

She scowled at him. "No, I don't remember anything," she answered. She hesitated for a moment. It would be nice to be around everyone again, but she wasn't sure if they would welcome her at the moment. She'd been very cold towards everyone as of late. "I don't know, Varric," she sighed. She gave him a wary look. "Should I be seen in the tavern right now? How many people know? I haven't spoken to many people since I found out."

"You know how rumors are around here. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that the small group of our inner circle knows. They all know about that night, there's no use in denying that. The funny thing is, they don't really care. Most of what I am gathering from around the hold is that they are surprised that you actually took the time to relax and appear human. As for who knows about the kid? I would imagine that if Bull and Leliana know, Dorian knows. Solas was giving me a look earlier, so I'm betting he knows. Cole came by as well and said some cryptic things, so there's another name. Actually, yeah, they all know. The thing is, they aren't going to bring it up until you are ready to announce it. If you want to announce it. You know once you do, Josephine is going to lose it. Skyhold won't survive the redecoration she will go through to prepare for the arrival of the baby."

Cassandra groaned and seemed to deflate. "I don't want everyone fussing over me," she said. She could only imagine Josephine's reaction. It wasn't like there were many babies around Skyhold. The whole place would be buzzing with excitement once they all knew. She debated about whether she wanted to go and face everyone or not. She would have to do it eventually, might as well get it over with. "Alright," she finally said. "I shall join you. I cannot promise that I will stay long, but it would be good to get back to normal. Or as normal as anything ever is around here."

* * *

Cassandra tried to hide her nervousness as she entered the tavern that evening. She spotted the inner circle immediately, all of them gathered around a large table with drinks in front of them. To be fair, it was impossible to miss such a mismatched bunch, especially with Iron Bull there.

"Well, well! Look who finally decided to get 'er panties outta a twist and be social again," Sera announced loudly when she saw Cassandra.

"Ugh," Cassandra groaned and walked over to them. Her eyebrows raised when Cullen jumped to attention and pulled out a chair for her. _'So he knows,'_ she thought to herself. Of course Cullen was a gentleman, but he'd never done that for her before.

"How are you? Are you well?" he asked in a quiet voice as he leaned over, helping her scoot her chair closer to the table before he sat down.

"I am fine," she answered firmly. She was used to being the one fussing over him, checking on him as he dealt with lyrium withdrawals. For him to be concerned over her made her feel awkward. She drew a steadying breath and locked eyes with Varric, wondering if he could hear the curse words she hurled at him in her head for talking her into this.

Varric couldn't help but smile back at the Seeker. It was easier to fall back into their usual pace than he thought it would be and he gave her a wink before he looked around for a barmaid to signal drinks for the entire table.

Dorian leaned back in his seat, giving a knowing smile to Cassandra as she glowered at the dwarf. "Well, I don't know about you, but it is good to see you back for our weekly game. I have been instructed to help myself to your drink so you can partake, but then not at the same time. Less questions to deal with if someone notices you are not drinking. Though I imagine it will only take a few rounds before they really don't care. Doesn't take much for this lot."

"That much is true," she answered with a snort of amusement. She gave him a confused look. "I was under the impression that everyone knew," she said in a hushed voice as the barmaid brought over their drinks. She jumped slightly when one was plunked down in front of her and she quickly shook her head at the look Cullen gave her. She quickly picked up her cards as they were dealt to her by Josephine and looked around the table, wondering which of them knew and which ones didn't. She busied herself with arranging the cards in her hand and raised them slightly to hide the lower part of her face as she muttered out of the corner of her mouth, "Drink it quick."

Dorian hid his snort of laughter. "Such hardship," he murmured back at her before he quickly picked up her mug and drank it down. He paused for a moment after he did, slyly putting it back within Cassandra's reach and in close proximity with his own mug. "Well, considering what kind of company we keep. The important ones who know not to blab, too much, know and we have been thwarting efforts of rumors trying to take off before more of the open books pick up on it. Between Varric, Bull and Leliana, it's been shut down. Cullen knows because he practically beat the information from me, the brute. Solas knows of course, but it's not as if he's going to turn around and tell Blackwall, Sera or Vivienne about it."

She gave a nod and looked at her cards, frowning slightly. Damn it, she could never remember the rules of this game. She lowered her hand and looked around the table again, her brows lifting in surprise. "I didn't expect to see you here, Solas," she said. "You don't normally join us for cards." She almost added in a jab about Varric somehow talking the elf into it, but decided against it. She wasn't sure if they were back to that point or not and she didn't feel like testing it.

Solas offered a smile to the Seeker as he adjusted the cards in his hand to his liking and spared a look towards the 'not' Warden. "Blackwall was insistent that I joined the game tonight. He is under the impression he can win back the money he lost to me when we played Diamondback. Far be it for me to not give him a fair chance." He paused to toss some coins into the growing pile before he looked at her again, "It is good to see that you haven't locked yourself away. Skyhold has been missing your presence."

"Where have you been hiding?" Josephine asked as she added more coins to the pot. "Everyone has been most curious about you lately."

Cassandra felt her face go hot and she quickly looked down at her cards again. "I have been… taking time to myself," she answered unsteadily. Curses, she was a terrible liar. "To think a-and reflect on my candidacy for the Divine." It seemed like a plausible answer, though she'd already made up her mind about that. Her eyes flicked to Varric's and back to her cards as she inwardly cringed, hoping that someone would change the subject quickly.

"Yes, and making yourself sick over it in the process," Dorian slid in comfortably, "Honestly, I don't understand why I was not a candidate. I should submit my own candidacy for it. Wouldn't that cause a scandal?" He laughed richly at the looks he got. "You Southerners are so amusing when it comes to those kinds of matters."

"Yeah, you do that Sparkler, and the whole country is going to implode on itself, lets try to avoid that. Come on, Tiny, your bid," Varric said as smooth as silk. With the right people knowing it was easy to keep secrets.

Cole blinked from his spot at the table looking down at Cassandra, "But I thought she was taking time because of the baby? Didn't she have to figure out how to tell you, Varric? She was very upset."

The whole table went silent and Cassandra could've swore her eyes were going to pop out of her own head. "COLE!" she scolded.

"Wait, wha?" Sera gasped before a wicked grin split her face and she giggled madly. "Are you serious?! You… and Varric…" She fell into a wild fit of giggles, banging her fist on the table. "Oh, this is too good!"

"Maker help us," Cullen breathed and dragged a hand down his face, squeezing his own jaw as he shot Sera a disapproving look.

Blackwall's eyebrows shot up as he looked between Varric and Cassandra. The dwarf had lowered his cards and a hand was covering his eyes as he shook his head. "Really? You and the Seeker? I thought she would rather…" He trailed off and shook his own head. "Ah, nevermind what I thought," he said as he looked around the table, "And why aren't more of you shocked? You all knew?"

"Some of us are more observant than others," Bull reminded him. He shook his head slowly at Cole. "You gotta think before you speak, Kid."

Cassandra wanted nothing more than to crawl beneath the table and disappear. Or to kick Sera because the elf just would not stop laughing. She didn't know which was worse; Sera's reaction or the absolute delight that lit up Josephine's face.

"Truly?" the Ambassador asked without even attempting to mask her excitement. "This is wonderful! I had no idea that the two of you were together! You hid it so well. Why didn't Leliana tell me this?" she wondered aloud. "Anyway, congratulations! Oh, we must make preparations! Cassandra, we should find you a better room within Skyhold and soon. Perhaps we should find a room for the two of you, your room is rather small, Varric."

The dwarf could barely stifle his groan in time. "As much as I agree with you on the Seeker getting a better room, if not just a bed, Ruffles, we were trying to keep this on the quiet side so we could, you know, gradually get used to the idea. We don't really need half of Thedas to know about our personal lives right now. I reserve the right to do that with the book later on. If I write the damn thing."

"You will do no such thing!" Cassandra protested once she found her voice. She turned her attention to Josephine. "And we will not be sharing a room. There is nothing wrong with the room I have," she said stubbornly and crossed her arms. She glared at Cole again, shaking her head.

Josephine blinked in confusion. "If that is what you wish," she said hesitantly. "But Cassandra, a baby living above a blacksmith's forge? That doesn't seem, well, peaceful." She could see the anger in Cassandra's eyes and it made her nervous. She cleared her throat and looked back at the cards in her hand, moving them around a bit. "Perhaps we could discuss it at another time when you're… more open to the idea." Still, she couldn't stop the smile that played across her lips as she mentally made a list of all the things she could order from Val Royeaux for the new baby. Without thinking, she murmured to herself, "I wonder if we will need pink or blue…"

"An excellent idea, Josephine, now come on. Some of us do not have all night to sit around waiting for the dealer to make their move," Dorian said, trying to move the conversation along. He could only imagine how this must be for the usually private Seeker. He turned to look at her, lowering his voice, "And before I forget, when we finish our game here, I was wondering if you would do me the great honor of accompanying me back to my little nook in the library? I won't take much of your time."

Cassandra couldn't possibly know what he wanted with her at that moment, but she nodded anyway, too distracted by Sera to answer him.

"So Varric," Sera drawled, a little louder than she should have as she laid down a couple cards and accepted more from Josephine. "How does that work, exactly?" She peered at him over her cards, a gleam in her eyes. "I mean, with you being all dwarfy an' shit while Cassandra's got legs that go on for days." She paused and giggled, then made a face. "That's just weird."

"Ah, Buttercup, if I thought I could explain the concept of the birds and the bees to you, I would, but I seriously believe it would go in one ear and out the other. Plus this is hardly the time to be talking about that sort of thing. Bull is the only one at the table allowed to talk about his conquests and only since he and Sparkler started setting curtains on fire."

"That was one time! You've been escalating what actually happened, haven't you?" Dorian feigned outrage, but a smirk was tugging at his lips as he remembered the occurrence. He let out an annoyed sigh and looked to Varric, "Besides, I'm sure if you tried to explain it all to Sera, she would just make those little adorable faces of hers where her nose scrunches up."

Bull grinned. "Is that what you want, Sera?" he asked slyly. "If you want to talk about other people's conquests, I could tell you about the other night when I took Dorian and-"

"EWWW! No, no, no!" she protested, her nose scrunching up exactly as Dorian had predicted. "You're all a bunch of weirdies. Andraste, how'd I end up with you lot?"

Solas restrained from rolling his eyes as he played his cards. "I do believe you asked to be invited into the Inquisition. Having second thoughts are we?"

"No," she growled. She frowned at the cards in her hand and tossed them on the table. "And no one was talking to you anyway, _Solas_ ," she hissed. "Don't you have some ancient elvhen trees to go hug or something? Go hang out in the Fade where, you know, you actually have friends. And take Creepy with you," she said, gesturing towards Cole.

"Are you certain you do not wish to join us? My offer still stands, there are a great many spirits we could introduce you to. There are a great many who enjoy playing harmless pranks, I would think you might find more in common with them than you would any one here," he said with a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Fuckin' weird, you are," she muttered and sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

Cassandra was grateful that the conversation had finally steered away from her and her condition, although Josephine was still beaming and humming little lullabies as she dealt another hand. She made a mental note to thank the others for stopping Sera from prodding any further.

She was glad she didn't bring more coin with her than she had, for she lost all of it during the course of the game.

The tavern began to empty as the hour grew late and only Josephine and Solas were left playing. And she'd had to stop Cullen from trying to win his money back; they didn't need to see him naked at the table again.

She tried to stifle a yawn and failed. It seemed like she had far less energy lately, but whether that was from stress or the pregnancy, she wasn't sure. "I think I should go," she said as she yawned again.

Dorian carefully nudged her. "Before you go nodding off, remember, I need to escort you past my place," he teased as he stood up and offered an arm out to her, giving a little bow. "It is not every day I offer up my arm to a beautiful woman such as yourself, Seeker."

"Ugh," she snorted, but took his arm anyway. "You are not as charming as you think, Dorian." She glanced over her shoulder at the table as he led her to the door, thinking to say something to them about everything that had been said that night, but then decided better and kept her mouth shut. "Why are we going to your room anyway?" she asked skeptically once they were outside.

He tilted his head to the side to look at her as he led them up the steps into the Great Hall and held the door open for her so they could walk up the stairs to reach his part of the library. "Well, I wasn't about to drag my hard work to the tavern and give it the possibility to be smashed to bits," he said as he led her to the alcove and he ducked down to reach under his chair to pull out a small crate filled with glass vials that clinked pleasantly together as he stood up and offered them to her. "Varric told me that the morning sickness has been particularly bad for you and wanted me to mix you up some of these. Granted, I made it for more of a hangover remedy, so I had to modify it a bit to get it just right for your specific needs."

Cassandra accepted the crate from him, blinking down at the little glass bottles. "Varric asked you to do this for me?" she asked in surprise. She found that hard to believe, yet she couldn't stop the little smile that tugged at the corner of her lips. "I hope they work. Maybe I will finally be able to keep something down," she mused to herself before she looked up at him and cleared her throat. "Thank you, Dorian," she said. "This is very kind of you."

He smiled widely at her, "It was a great pleasure Cassandra, and rest assured, they WILL work. This is me we are talking about, or had I forgotten to mention my successes thus far?" He gave her a wink. "Besides, the dwarf bribed me with several bottles of fine wine. I suspect he might have lifted them from Vivienne's private stash. That will be our little secret, hm?"

Cassandra gave a little laugh and nodded her agreement. "Not a word."


	6. Chapter 6

"Ruffles, I'm not entirely sure what I can promise on this matter. You know how the Seeker is, as far as I know, she hates surprises, especially the ones that are 'life changing' but I'll see what I can do. I agree with you on the new room. Gotta take smaller steps though."

"Well we have two weeks to convince her to move into a new room. That's when the bed I ordered from Val Royeaux will arrive," Josephine said matter-of-factly. "And we must make sure that Cassandra accepts or I fear Dorian might try to take it for himself." She looked over the papers stacked neatly on her desk. "Don't worry. We have plenty of time to get everything settled before the baby arrives. I do wish I knew more about Cassandra's tastes. I wonder if…" She stopped herself and blinked at Varric as if surprised to see him still standing there. "Oh, forgive me," she said with a little giggle. "Listen to me carrying on. I'm sure you have lots to do. I will not take any more of your time. It's just so exciting!"

Varric shook his head, but was unable to keep from smiling at her. "If only everyone had your enthusiasm, Ruffles. Try not to worry about it that much. I'm sure you'll get it all sorted out before too long." He gathered up the notes and such he had been making with the Ambassador, lists of things one would need for a new arrival in the hold. And of course, things he should be ready to expect from the mother-to-be. Those were easy enough to spot, like the morning sickness she had been having trouble with. He wondered if those potions he had Sparkler mix up were helping her or not.

He made his way out of Josephine's office and headed for his corner by the fireplace in the Great Hall. He still had a few things he wanted to write down on his lists before he forgot them and he had to sit and think if he wanted to send off letters to his "associates" as Cassandra had once called them, about his soon to be status as a father. He suppressed a shiver going down his spine at that one. He had a lot to live up to. He was not going to become his parents.

"Master Tethras, if I could have a moment of your time," Mother Giselle said, though it didn't sound like a request. She looked around the great hall to make certain that they were alone; she'd shooed everyone else off so that she could speak to him privately. "There are some rather disturbing rumors flying around today about you and Lady Pentaghast. I had hoped that you could dispel these for me," she said in her hushed tone.

 _'Ah, shit,'_ was the first thought that flew through his mind as the Revered Mother effectively cornered him as it were. He knew about her and how she liked to be the one to whisper rumors in the right ears to achieve her desired effect on a given situation. He had heard the rumors she had started about the Inquisitor and a certain Tevinter and he was not impressed. "Mother Giselle, it is always a pleasure, but you will have to be more specific. I'm afraid I've turned a deaf ear towards rumors in Skyhold. You know how quickly they can change and become something far from the truth."

"Really?" she asked, feigning surprise. "You have not heard the rumors that you and she are expecting a child? It is the only thing I have heard all morning. It is on the lips of every resident in Skyhold. It is surprising that you have not heard them yourself. Unless, of course, you are simply playing ignorant."

"Me? Play ignorant? Perish the thought. It's just that that rumor isn't a rumor. It's a known fact. It's a surprise, I know, but we are warming up to the idea. Well, at least Josephine seems to be." He had a feeling he knew where this was going and he had thought about it at length. He wasn't going to do that to Cassandra. Having an unexpected child shouldn't have her bound to him if that was the only thing keeping them together. "But then, why do I have the feeling that you already knew it to be true?"

Mother Giselle's posture stiffened and her mouth frowned slightly. "I wanted to hear it from you before I addressed my concerns about the situation," she said. "You do realize that she was favored to become the next Divine? And now that is impossible." She paused and shook her head in a rather condescending manner. "So what are your intentions, then? What will you do to make this right?"

Varric tried to stop his lips from twitching, though he was itching to say something scathing. "Well, I'm not going to push her down a flight of stairs, if that's what you're getting at. Other than that, I'm going to do my best to make her as comfortable as possible. That includes shutting down any and all rumors that might be circulating. I'm sure you can see my concern on the matter. What would she think if she heard people talking about her behind her back?"

Mother Giselle was not discouraged by his words, the underlying accusation in his tone. "One would think that you would make the right decision, considering you claim to be Andrastian. While Lady Pentaghast may no longer be a candidate for the Divine, it would not do to tarnish her reputation further. It would be best for all involved for you to do the honorable thing and marry her, lest the child be born a bastard."

That hurt more than what Mother Giselle was trying to get at. It made him bristle and a flash of anger jolted through him. "I am not going to condemn the Seeker to a life with me just because we both had a momentary lapse in judgement. And anyone who would call Cassandra out on that, to say she is less devout to the Chantry, to Andraste, then they don't know her at all. It shouldn't have to matter."

"But it does!" she insisted. "She is already bound to you and forever will be. Can you not see the affects this will have on her? On the child? On the Inquisition? Your actions have already affected all of Thedas by ensuring that she can no longer be considered for the Divine. It was widely known that she was a candidate. You have ruined so much already. And now you intend to continue on that path by ensuring that she will forever be known as the woman who bore the bastard of a dwarf."

She might as well have slapped him across the face. Varric Tethras prided himself on being able to keep his cool in the face of danger, bullshitting his way out of the worst situations. This was not one of those times. "Our child is not going to be a bastard!" he shouted at her, backing away from her. "It's shortsighted people like you, claiming you know the will of the Maker or Andraste and twisting it to suit your own selfish needs! Don't you dare talk about Cassandra like that, it proves you don't know a thing about her!"

Mother Giselle opened her mouth to shout back at him, forgetting herself for a moment, but froze when she saw the silhouette of the seeker standing in the open doorway of the great hall. "My Lady Seeker," she said, her tone respectful once more as she inclined her head towards the other woman.

Cassandra stood frozen on the threshold, disbelief and anger coursing through her at the words she'd heard from Mother Giselle. She set her face in a fierce expression and strode forward. "How dare you," she said, her voice dripping with venom. "It is not your place to decide my future. Nor is it your decision how my child will be raised. What happens from here is between Varric and myself, no one else. I would appreciate it if you would stay out of our business from now on." Her lips were pressed to a hard line by the time she finished, her eyes burning with fury.

Mother Giselle took a step back and bowed, "As you wish. I humbly apologize. I only had your best interests at heart." And without another word to Varric, she quickly left the great hall.

Cassandra stared after her, rounding on Varric the moment Giselle was gone. "Can you believe her?" she cried. "As if this were any of her business! The nerve of that woman…" She swayed on her feet and leaned over to grab the table as a bout of dizziness hit her. "Oh, I need to sit down."

Varric had taken a step back when Cassandra had rounded on him, but he had been shocked to hear her anger directed towards Mother Giselle instead of him. He was grateful for that. His eyebrows shot up as he saw her stumble and he hurried to her side, helping her to a chair. "Easy there, Seeker," he said as he watched her for a second. "Overexerted yourself by yelling. That much stress can't be good. Unfortunately, I think we're in a shitty place to look for that stress-free environment." He rubbed at the back of his neck. "I was halfway expecting something like that from someone sooner or later. I didn't think she'd make me lose my temper like that. How…" He paused, almost afraid to ask, "How much of that did you hear?"

Cassandra leaned over her knees, concentrating on her breathing for a moment until her head cleared. "Just the part where she blamed the fate of Thedas on you. Called our child a bastard. And then you shouting at her." There was an approving tone in her voice and a small smile on her face. "More people should shout at that woman. Maybe she would learn to mind her own business."

He snorted, "Well, at least you missed the boring parts." He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It wasn't one of my finer moments. Usually only my brother could really get me into a shouting match like that and it takes a few days of poking me with a stick. Sorry you had to see that. Dorian calls her a mother hen, but the more I think about it, she rather strikes me as a brown nosing shrew." He pressed his lips together, looking at Cassandra. "She did have some valid questions, I suppose. I've seen everyone coming up to us, telling us what we need, what we should want, but we haven't exactly taken the time to ask ourselves the same question. Mostly because I think I'm still getting used to the thought of this whole thing."

"Varric, I don't expect anything out of you," she said, finally sitting up straighter. "Certainly nothing like she was suggesting." She looked at the door Mother Giselle had disappeared through. Is that what people really thought of her now? It stung, but not as much as she thought it should. What hurt more was to hear someone speak ill of her baby and she was surprised at how defensive she already felt over the little one. "But you are right. We haven't discussed anything about the future, about how we plan to raise this child." She cleared her throat and looked down at the floor. "I don't even know where to begin."

"That makes two of us. Shit, I don't know. I think I was just going to make it up as we went along. The only thing I've been working out so far is that I'm going to make sure that you don't do this alone. I'm sure between the two of us, we can come up with something, right?"

She nodded. "Oh! I almost forgot why I came here. I wanted to thank you for asking Dorian to make those potions for me. I was able to keep my breakfast down this morning which is the first time in a long time that that's happened. So thank you," she said. "It was very considerate of you."

Before the whole mess started, Varric was sure he would have made a joke about marking on his calendar the first time the Seeker ever thanked him for anything, but the words died in his throat as he looked at her. Her face warmed up and the smile that was tugging at her lips seemed to take years off of her. "You're welcome. I knew Sparkler could do it. He seemed a bit skeptical at first when I first explained what I want." He pushed away from the table and gestured towards the door. "Since the potions seem to be working, would you care to get some dinner at the tavern? Or we could steal something from the kitchens and hide out on the battlements. I could be up for either."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Stealing?" she asked in a reproachful tone.

"Ah, see, that little conversation I had with Mother Giselle has robbed me of my silver tongue. What I meant to say was 'liberate.' We could _liberate_ some food from the kitchens and then go hide out."

Cassandra tried to fight the smile on her face, but the corner of her mouth turned upwards anyway. "I suppose we could do that," she said. "Hiding sounds tempting right now. I'm rather tired of the looks I've been receiving all day. It's like the people here have nothing better to gossip about."

He chuckled, "I'm afraid it's only going to get better and better as we progress onward. Let's get some food and we can go to my office." His office was also in his quarters, but it had his writing desk and various stories in different stages of progress. "Maybe if you ask really nice, I could be persuaded in giving a sneak peek at one of my stories."

She really did smile then, an excitement waking in her at the thought of reading more of his stories. It faltered the next second though and she gave him a skeptical look. "How nice?" she asked. "You know being nice is not one of my stronger qualities."

"You know, I think I'll waive my usually fee. Seeing you let loose on Mother Giselle was priceless."


	7. Chapter 7

"Ugh, Josephine, what have you done?" Cassandra huffed as the Ambassador dragged her down a long corridor, an excited expression on her face. "If this is what I think it is…"

"Hush," Josephine scolded happily and finally came to a stop outside a heavy wooden door. "I know you said you're fine where you are, but really that is no place for a baby. And you simply cannot continue to sleep on the floor! Honestly, I don't know how you do it anyway. Can you imagine trying to get up in the morning near the end of your pregnancy?" She shook her head before the smile was upon her face again and she flung open the door. "Tada!"

Cassandra wearily peered into the room and gave a sigh. "What is this?" she asked in a flat tone and stepped inside. It was definitely one of the larger rooms in Skyhold with beautiful paneled windows that overlooked the garden. She blinked at the large bed there with a beautifully embroidered quilt. "This is too much for me, Josephine," she protested. "And far too expensive."

"Nonsense," Josephine said. "It's perfect. See? There's room for a crib there in the corner. And we could fit a rocking chair right here. There was a delay on the curtains I ordered. I'd hoped they'd be here already, but I'm certain they will arrive with the next shipment from Val Royeaux." She was oblivious to the scowl Cassandra gave her and she gave a dreamy sigh. "Oh, I just can't wait to meet your little one," she gushed.

"Ruffles, you know when I said not to overwhelm the Seeker with all of the extravagant gifts and such? This is what I meant," Varric said as he leaned against the doorway to Cassandra's new room. He had to admit, the Ambassador had really outdone herself on this one. He should have guessed she would gush over the prospect of a baby.

Cassandra turned sharply towards Varric, unaware that he'd followed them to the room. "You were in on this?" she snapped. She drew a quick breath through her nose and shook her head at him. She should've known. "Really, I appreciate your concern, but I don't need all of this. I am fine where I am."

"Too late!" Josephine chirped. "They're bringing your belongings here as we speak and the loft above the blacksmith's is already being turned into storage." She looked more than pleased with herself, even as Cassandra glared at her. "Oh, but it is hot in here, isn't it? How are you not melting in that coat?"

Cassandra had to admit it was rather warm. With a roll of her eyes, she shrugged off the coat to avoid any more fussing from Josephine and draped it over the bedpost. She jumped when Josephine gasped loudly. "What?" she asked, annoyed.

"You're showing!" Josephine grinned, staring at the protrusion of Cassandra's belly. She happily clapped her hands. "Oh, it just makes it seem that much more real!" She turned a bit serious the next moment though as she reached to tug at the waist of Cassandra's breeches. "But these are getting too tight for you. We must do something about that."

Varric peered a bit more closely at Cassandra at Josephine's excited gasp and he felt his own heartbeat quicken as he saw the little bump showing. He couldn't stop the smile that tugged at his lips. His child. Their child was there and growing. It was hard to believe.

"That was why I had the coat on," Cassandra hissed and grabbed it up, folding it over her arms and holding it in front of her belly. It was too hot to put it back on. She felt her face flush and she looked away from them both, staring at the patterns on the quilt. "My armor felt too tight this morning," she admitted quietly. She reached out and ran her fingertips over the silky fabric of the quilt. Maybe it would be nice to sleep in a bed again. And this one looked so soft. She knew it was useless to argue with the Ambassador. "Thank you, Josephine. I suppose I have no choice now but to accept."

A big smile split Josephine's face. "I know," she answered, a little smugly. "Now if you will excuse me, I must hurry. I need to place an order for new breeches for you before the courier leaves." She scurried out of the room then, leaving Cassandra alone with Varric.

"You shouldn't have let her do so much," she said quietly, still looking at the bed.

Varric chuckled and stepped inside of the room, looking around. "You think that I could have actually stopped her if I tried? There's nothing that's going to stop that force of nature. Besides, I agreed with her that you needed a proper bed," he said as he wandered over, reaching out and running his fingers over the covers. It was a far cry from a straw mattress and scratchy blankets. He stole a glance at Cassandra, seeing the way she clung to the coat like it was a lifeline. "Now none of that, Seeker," he teased and gently tugged the coat from her hands and moved it back to the bedpost. "Why don't you get comfortable on the bed? You'll see why it's a good idea," he said as he went back to the door and carefully shut it.

Something nervous fluttered in Cassandra's stomach. "I believe the last time you talked me into bed, this happened," she stated, pointing at her stomach. Her eyes narrowed slightly in distrust, but she looked at the bed again and found herself longing to lay on it. She'd tried to hide it, but she was exhausted. Sleeping on the floor was becoming more and more uncomfortable, leaving her back sore when she got up every morning. With a roll of her eyes as if she were uninterested, she sat on the bed and toed off her boots before she laid back. A moan escaped her throat as the softness of the bed seemed to swallow her up and her eyes fell closed. This was heaven.

Varric couldn't help but chuckle softly as he made his way back over to the bed. He chewed the inside of his lip for a moment while he debated. He shook his head at himself and sat down on the foot of the bed, moving until he was sitting facing the headboard before he gently picked up one of Cassandra's feet and began to press his fingers into the arches of her foot. His gaze lingered on her face a moment before he focused on studying the slight swell of her abdomen.

Cassandra gave a slight jump at his touch, leaning up to look at him. She opened her mouth to protest, but it felt too good and she let her head fall back against the pillow. "You are nothing but trouble, dwarf," she muttered, staring sleepily up at the ceiling. She slowly shook her head side to side, still feeling dazed about everything that was happening to her. "This is only the start, isn't it? Josephine will have the entire castle baby-proofed by the time this is all said and done."

He chuckled. "And you thought I was trouble. I know when to stay out of an Antivan's way and Josephine is unstoppable at this point. Best just to smile and nod, then accept whatever she throws at you," he advised before he switched to her other foot. He paused before he really got started on it and reached out to Cassandra's belly, hesitating only a moment before he laid his palm over the bump. It took his breath away.

She felt her spine stiffen as he rested his hand on her belly, but something in her heart seemed to warm at his touch. It was gentle, loving almost and she felt a surge of affection for him that she'd never felt before. She looked at him again as he stared at his own hand on her, a warm light in his eyes. "Varric," she said softly and let her teeth graze over her lip, "Are you certain we can do this? That we can work together to give this baby a good life?"

He let his gaze lift to meet hers; the uncertainty in her voice was endearing to him. He knew in that moment that he could set aside all of their differences and make this work for their child. "I'm afraid I'm always going to be something of an ass, Seeker, but I think we can do this. Shit, after all of the stuff we've been through together so far? I know we can do this. Somehow," he said his thumb caught the edge of her shirt brushed over the tight skin of her abdomen before he returned his attentions to her foot. "Do you think we can?"

"I hope so," she answered honestly. She settled back a little more into the mattress and her eyes fluttered as he massaged her foot. "I never really thought about being a mother. It wasn't something I could see myself doing. I still can't, if I am to be completely honest. But I will try to be a good one." She swallowed, nervousness returning full force. "I don't think I am ready for this, to be completely responsible for someone else's life."

"I don't think anyone is ever ready for this at first," he said as he worked his thumbs into the balls of her foot, "And I hate to say you are wrong, but you are wrong. You are more than ready to be responsible for someone's life. You do it on a daily basis for a hell of a lot more people. Now? Now it's just going to be one, tiny life. It's better than the whole world resting on your shoulders, but I can see how daunting a task like this is going to be. Shit Seeker. Do you have any idea how terrified I am of this? My own family, my childhood. It was a mess. To think that it could all end up like that." He shuddered. "But it's not as though this kid is going to make its way out any time soon. We have some time for both of us to get used to the idea and prepare as best we can."

She sat up and looked him squarely in the eye. "It won't be like that," she swore. She cleared her throat, trying to choose her words carefully. "If… if you could… put aside our differences, for the sake of the baby, then… I think I could, too. I only want what's best for him or her. It may not have happened the way either of us wanted, but I believe everything happens for a reason, cliche as that may sound. I… I don't want either of us to be alone in this, Varric," she said softly, lowering her eyes to the quilt again. "It would not be fair. To the baby."

"Seems like we finally found something we both can agree on, Seeker…" He paused and pressed his lips thin for a moment, before he tried again, "Cassandra. No matter what problems we might have, no matter the arguments or disagreements, I promise that I'll stick around and work through them. I know there will still be days when you want to wring my neck, we will just have to take them as they come."

A small smile pulled at her lips as he used her name. It was so rare to hear it from him. She cocked an eyebrow at him. "I can't tell if you mean that or if you're working out lines for your next romance novel," she said in a slightly teasing voice. "And I always want to wring your neck. That is nothing new. I thought you would be used to it by now."

"Art imitates life, Seeker. Who says I'm not taking notes right now? This will be a great story to tell our kid someday. When he's old enough to understand." He chuckled, "Until then, I suppose I'll have to come up with a few 'baby friendly' stories to appease the little one."


	8. Chapter 8

Cassandra quickly realized how right Josephine was about sleeping in a bed. She wasn't even that far along yet and already her back and her hips hurt. Even in the softest bed in Skyhold, she couldn't get enough sleep. It was too hot, or she couldn't get comfortable. As if her hormones weren't putting her in a bad enough mood as it was. She'd never considered herself an emotional person, not really, but lately it seemed as if everything got to her. The littlest things annoyed her more than usual, she felt like snapping at anyone who looked at her wrong, and the smallest inconveniences made her want to cry. It was absurd.

But the thing that annoyed her more than anything was Varric's new nightly ritual of stopping by to check on her before bed. The first few times, she thought it sweet of him, but now she was thinking of having a bolt put on the door to keep the dwarf out. She thought she'd managed to slip away this time, that maybe he'd got caught up at the tavern and she could be asleep before he came to check on her. She'd changed into a plain white shift to sleep in and was just about to climb into bed when she heard a knock and the door opened. She heaved a sigh of annoyance. "What, Varric?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Just coming to check on you. It's still rather early, I was..." He trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck, "Just making sure you are alright." He came in, shutting the door carefully behind him as he looked to her. He had heard the whispers and seen first hand that the Cassandra's usual temper had become more prickly than usual as of late. Josephine had warned him that the mood swings were most likely just beginning. "How's the kid treating you today?"

"Like shit," she growled as she yanked back the blankets on the bed. "Even Dorian's potions didn't work today. And I swear, the practice dummies are being made of cheaper and cheaper materials. They were destroyed before lunch." She glanced out the window and realized the sun hadn't even completely set yet, casting long shadows across the garden outside. Maybe she'd been too obvious in trying to sneak off to bed. "I am tired, Varric. Last I checked, I did not need anyone's permission to go to bed early."

"No, of course not, and far be it from me to give you a proper bedtime," he said as he moved to lean against the table in the room. "You know this shit is weird for me too. I'm just trying to help. You aren't really known for remembering to take care of yourself, Seeker. Someone has to. Did you eat anything for dinner? I could go see if I can get some toast and tea from the kitchens if you like."

"I am not hungry," she said through clenched teeth, her tone dangerous. She snorted at him. "Yes, I am sure this is so strange for you. It is not YOUR body that is changing, your emotions running away with you completely out of your control. You are not the one who cannot sleep at night and who aches all over. Please, do tell me how this is so odd for you," she said scathingly. "And hovering over me like I am some breakable porcelain doll is not helping. It is annoying."

He pressed his lips thin at her harsh words, giving her a look. "I know, Seeker. You don't have to remind me. Isn't this part of what I'm supposed to do? Make this part bearable for you and the kid? There isn't exactly a manual on this shit, I'm just doing what I think is right. You shouldn't be so opposed to asking for help, you know. Did you tell anyone about these things? The nausea? Not being able to sleep at night? That's important!"

"I know that," she ground out. She felt her eye twitch. "I am not some child, Varric. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don't need you or Josephine or Dorian or anyone else for that matter fussing over me all the damn time. I don't need anyone's help!" Something nagged at her in the back of her mind that she was being unreasonable, that her hormones were screwing with her again, but she didn't want to hear it. Not even from herself. "I think you've done more than enough," she said in an accusatory tone.

Varric felt himself draw back as if he had been slapped. He had noticed her getting more and more aggravated as time went on. The way she tried to avoid him each night, well tough shit on that one. "You see, there's your problem. You don't let anyone do anything for you. You don't have to be like that! Hell, I'm offering myself to you on a silver platter! I'm trying to make this more livable for you, Seeker. I know this isn't going to be the same experience for us both, but does that mean I have to leave you to suffer in silence?"

"That would be preferable!" she shot back. "I don't know what you expect from me. What? To just lay around and let everyone wait on me hand and foot? You should know me better than that. I want to do as much for myself as I can while I still can! I will not allow myself to just sit around and be lazy, no matter what condition I may find myself in. And until this baby is born, I don't see how any of this is your concern!"

He threw his hands up into the air. "Of course you don't! I don't expect you to lay down and be waited on hand and foot, but I'm offering to help you when you need it! I'm not shoving you into bed, telling you to keep off of your feet until the kid is born. I know you'd wring my neck if I tried that, but you can ask for help. Even the mighty Seeker needs help every now and then." He shook his head, put off from her stinging words. "Never mind, Seeker." He waved dismissively at her and headed for the door. "Have a goodnight," he muttered, "If you can."

Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped open. "Oh yes, I'll sleep well now after you stopped by just to enrage me and then leave!" she shouted at him. She could barely see straight and some part of her just wanted to keep arguing as the anger sang through her veins. "You are doing an excellent job," she spat sarcastically and turned towards the window, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, muttering under her breath, "Bastard."

A deep frown crossed her face when she heard the door slam. Angry tears burned the corners of her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. Instead, she just stared out the window, unseeing, until they faded. She would never get to sleep now. With a huff, she yanked off the shift and changed back into the new breeches Josephine had bought her and a longer shirt. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, the swell of her belly that seemed huge to her, but in reality was just starting to become truly noticeable. She snorted at her reflection and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

She walked without even paying attention to where she was going. She just needed to move, to work off her anger, to just… escape. Just for a moment so she could breathe. The great hall was still rather full and she felt her face burn as people turned their heads curiously to gawk at her. She cursed them in her head and quickened her steps, hurrying down the stone steps. She didn't realize where she was going until she saw the stables. She hated horses, but very few people ever hung around there. Perhaps she could find a moment's peace there.

Blackwall froze as he caught the movement out of the corner of his eye as he worked on the new rocking horse. Shit. Just the person he was trying to keep it hidden from, the little griffon was starting to take shape out of the block of wood he had started working on the day after he learned of Cassandra's condition. "Ah... I would say this isn't what it looks like, but that would be a lie, my Lady. What brings you out here at this hour of the evening?"

Cassandra blinked in surprise at the carving. "Is that…?" she asked, trailing off as she stepped closer, tipping her head curiously at it. An unexpected flash of excitement shot through her. It was already beautiful and she swallowed harshly, extending a hand out to it, but stopped before her fingers touched the wood. She took a step back and lowered her hand, remembering why she'd walked out here. "I didn't know you would be here. I assumed you'd be at the tavern."

Blackwall coughed and rubbed the back of his head before he set his wood working tools down and turned his attention back to her. "I ate some time ago, but it's become something of a nightly ritual to come out here and keep working on this. After all, it is my hope that you'll be needing it soon. That is, if you want it. It's just something to keep my hands busy," he said as he looked it over, already seeing in his mind's eye how he wanted it to come out. "It was going to be a surprise for you and Varric."

A muscle in her jaw began to tick at the mention of Varric. "It is a very thoughtful gift," she tried to say politely, but her anger at Varric was evident in her voice. Her nose wrinkled in a sneer. "You might want to get his approval first. Seems like he has nothing better to do these days than to supervise everyone else's every move. Maker knows he's driving me up the wall."

Blackwall laughed out-loud at that, rich and deep. "Well, that's to be expected isn't it? From the both of you, I would imagine. It's not every day someone like him becomes a father. What's he doing that's gotten you so worked up?" he asked as he motioned for her to follow him to the fire pit in the barn and he sat down on the ground in front of it while he pointed at the chair for herself.

Cassandra hesitated a moment before she sighed and sat down. "He's… smothering me! It's as if every time I turn around, he's there fussing over me. Making sure I drink enough water or offering me something to eat. He comes by my room every - single - night when I'm trying to get ready for bed! I am exhausted enough without his worrying," she said in a rush. She closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head. "This is wearing on me. I do not understand what he's trying to do."

He chuckled and looked into the fire for a moment. "He's not trying to smother you, Lady Cassandra. He's doing what any nervous first time father would do. He's just concerned about you and his child. He knows he can't be there for you every second of every day. Maker's balls, that would drive anyone mad. He's just trying to help you out in the best way that he knows how. Can you really blame him for trying?"

Cassandra sighed heavily as she stared into the fire. "No," she grudgingly admitted. She frowned again. "But I still want to be angry with him," she stated stubbornly. Her frown deepened when Blackwall laughed. "It is not funny! I cannot help the way I feel, especially now. It's as if I have no control over myself. What does he expect to happen if he keeps offering himself up as a target?"

It was hard to get the smile off of his face as Cassandra talked. The way she was just so flustered was adorable. "I imagine he thinks he will get used to it or that you will. Eventually those womanly hormones that you are experiencing will bottom out or something like that. He's one of those good guys. Heart of gold types. Even if you are going to throw things at his head for trying, he is going to keep doing it on the off chance that one of those days, you are going to say yes, you need help."

"Stubborn ass," she said, the slightest hint of a pout on her lips. A sudden worry filled her then and her eyes went wide as she stared at the fire. "Maker's breath, if he's this stubborn, and I am this stubborn, I can only imagine what this child will be like." She placed a hand over her belly, her fingers curling slightly. "Oh we are in trouble." She lowered her hand, thinking on Blackwall's words. He was right. Varric was not going to give up. "We argued this evening," she admitted. "That is why I came here. I was too angry to sleep. I shouted at him for hovering the way he does. I should not have done that."

Blackwall chuckled at the thought of what their child was going to be like. "I can imagine the little tyke is going to have the two of you wrapped around its fingers before you know it," he said before he ran a hand through his hair and looked back at her. "What was he doing? This hovering thing? Just won't leave you alone? Making sure you eat three square meals a day? Brushes your hair?"

"Brush my hair?" she asked incredulously. She shuddered. "If it gets to that point, I will tie him to the post and use him for a practice dummy." She sat up straighter as she said it. "He keeps acting like I don't know how to take care of myself. Telling me what to do, as if I would forget to eat or drink. And checking on me every night." She sighed again. Now that she spoke it aloud, it didn't sound so horrible. It sounded as if he was just trying to make sure she was okay. She covered her eyes with her hand. "I don't know why it annoys me so."

"If I may speak freely without the chance of ending up with a sword in my back," he started slowly, a smile making its way onto his face, "You are a spectacular woman, Cassandra. One who is strong and self sustaining. A warrior to whom all should look up to, but you should know that life isn't all about that. This is new territory for you both. Especially you since you've been on this path for most of your life. It's scary being introduced to new things that mess with our day to day when we have it all figured out. No one likes having that routine messed with. No one is going to think you weaker for having this child, for changing because of that. Deep down, we know you will always be Cassandra. Childbearing, I've always looked at those women with nothing but respect. To carry a life and bring it into this world? Men have no claim to that. We are just sitting in the rafters, twiddling our thumbs while you do the hard work. Can you really blame us for trying to do something that is as worthwhile as what you are going through?"

She gave a light laugh at that. "I suppose not," she answered. Another heavy sigh escaped her lips. "I feel like a fool," she said. "I suppose I should not have shouted at him the way I did." She gave Blackwall a small smile. "Thank you for listening to me. I did not intend to share my problems with you, but I am grateful that you were willing to listen." She stood and glanced over at the rocking horse. "And thank you for that," she said. "It is wonderful."

"You are too kind, Lady Cassandra. I'll let you know when it's finished, so we can see if it meets with your approval." He pushed himself up to stand and he walked back over to his table, "Any time you need to talk, I have a good ear for listening. Have a good night."

* * *

Cassandra felt considerably better, certainly calmer, after her conversation with Blackwall. She thought about going back to her room to sleep, but her conscience nagged at her and she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep until she made things right with Varric. She didn't see him in the great hall, so she headed to his room and knocked on the closed door. She hoped she could get through this conversation without yelling at him again.

Varric was sitting at his desk, tapping his quill against a blank sheet of parchment, trying to will words to come to him so he could continue on writing so his editor wouldn't come and kick his ass later. He looked over at the door when he heard the knocking and gave a sigh, wondering who it could be. "It's open!" he called out and his eyes widened when he saw the Seeker pushed the door open. He couldn't stifle the groan that made it past his lips, "Look, I get it. I really do. I'm sorry I keep bothering you. I really don't want to do this again tonight. One spat a day is good enough, don't you think?"

She shook her head. "No," she answered. "It is too much." She quietly closed the door behind her, but didn't cross the room to him. "Varric, I came to apologize. I realize that this is stressful for you too and that you mean well. I should not have shouted at you like that. It is just… I am not used to anyone being so concerned about me. I am not handling it well. And I should not take out my frustrations on you."

"Not handling it well could be the understatement of the year," he said sarcastically before he sighed and put down his quill, moving instead to rub at his temples. "I should apologize. I know you are more than capable of taking care of yourself Seeker. I just. I don't know, I feel like if I sit to the side and do nothing, that will make me even more of an ass. And it's not like you have many others to take your frustrations out. I mean, you destroyed the training dummies for the day, haven't you?"

A soft snort of laughter escaped her. "Three of them," she said. She leaned back against the door, fighting the wince of pain. Oh, her back was killing her. "I know what you are trying to do. In truth, there is not much you can do for me, but you are trying. I should appreciate that, not throw it back in your face. That was ungrateful of me, to say the least. I promised I would not keep you away, yet that seems to be exactly what I am doing. It is unfair. And for that, I am sorry."

"Yes, well, I should know better. You know yourself, know when you need to ask for help. You keep telling me you aren't a child, I should trust that you know yourself. And it's not like you don't have reason to be mad at me anyway. I am the reason why you are like this, isn't that what they are saying?" He shook his head and leaned back in his seat. "Sorry. I don't mean to pick a fight when you've come to apologize." His lips twitched and thought about marking the day down in one of the margins of his pages. "So. You come here just to apologize? Or was there something else on your mind?"

She was still thinking on his words about what people were saying about him. "It isn't solely your fault. People forget I was a willing participant as well," she said. "I suppose that was all I needed to say." She couldn't stop the frown on her lips as she pushed away from the door, preparing to leave. She'd hoped he'd be a bit more receptive to her apology, but then again, she had been rather hateful with him. She didn't blame him. "Have a good night, Varric," she said and turned to leave. Oh, she needed to get back to her bed, to lay down. Maybe her back would stop hurting for just a moment.

Her hand lingered on the doorknob as a sudden thought struck her. Could she swallow her pride and ask him for help? That was what he wanted, wasn't it? She cleared her throat and looked over her shoulder at him. "Actually, there is something you might be able to help me with," she said slowly. "You… wouldn't happen to know a way to… stop my back from hurting so much, would you?"

He hadn't expected that and he looked up to see her shifting nervously on her feet. Someone like her asking for help was a big step. This was out of her comfort zone. "I imagine a full night's rest might help with that, but you said you were having trouble sleeping as well?" He leaned back and tapped his fingers against his lips as he thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think I might be able to help you out." He stood up and dragged a spare chair from the other side of his desk and put it in the middle of the room. "Have a seat, Seeker, but face the back of the chair."

"What is this? Some sort of dwarven trick?" she asked as she straddled the chair and folded her arms over the back of it. She shifted around, trying to make herself more comfortable, but the pain in her back remained. "This isn't helping, Varric. I don't understand what this is supposed to do." She let her forehead drop to rest on her arms. "I just want one moment's peace,"she muttered to herself.

Varric chuckled as she sat on the chair. "Oh yes. Ancient dwarven trick," he said as he stepped up behind her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders before he started working his thumbs into her muscles down along her spine. "How else was I supposed to reach your back, Seeker?"

Cassandra jumped slightly in surprise, but melted the next second as his strong hands worked the muscles loose in her back. A long sigh escaped her and she felt more guilty than ever. "Why must you always be so nice to me?" she asked, her tone slightly scolding. "You make it very hard for me to be angry with you."

"You flatter me Seeker, but how do you know this isn't part of my master plan? Staying on your good side seems to be the best option, lest I or my books end up getting stabbed," he teased her as he worked the knots out in her back. "Maker's breath Seeker, how long has your back been killing you?" he asked as he stooped down a little lower to press his thumbs along the small of her back.

A moan escaped her throat before she could stop it. It almost hurt to let him rub her back there. "I don't know," she answered. "I think the stress is getting to me." Oh did he have to be so talented with his fingers? It was even better than the foot rub he'd given her. She felt a strange fluttering high in her stomach and she had to fight the urge to moan again. Something in her mind told her to be careful, that perhaps she shouldn't let him do this, but she was desperate for her back to stop hurting long enough for a decent night's sleep.

"No shit," he muttered as he felt her tense up as worked out as many knots as he could find. "Anything specific bothering you? Asides from me, that is. Mother Giselle hasn't been stirring up trouble again has she? Or is it more of the unknown combined with the changes your body is going through?" he asked as he stood up straighter and returned to her shoulders.

"All of it," she answered, her voice low, relaxed. "Except Mother Giselle. I think we managed to stop her incessant gossip, at least for the moment." Without realizing it, she leaned back into his touch, sighing as his thumbs worked into the base of her neck. "Honestly, I think people here have nothing better to do than to sit around and gossip. Is my condition really that interesting? I almost wish the Inquisitor would stir up something so people have something else to talk about."

"Sorry to say, but you are going to be the talk of the town for a long while now. Only even more once the baby is born. At least you won't have a shortage of people willing to give you an hour's rest while they steal the kid for themselves. Though if Ruffles gets her hands on the little one, I'm not sure if we can expect to see it back any time soon," he said as he held her neck carefully as he worked the tension out of the cords there.

"Heh," she laughed. "Josephine would be better suited for caring for a baby than I. I just might have to let her get away with that." She turned her face and rested the side of her head on her arms, opening her eyes to keep herself awake as he rubbed between her shoulder blades. A sad frown pulled at her lips. "I do not deserve your kindness, Varric. Not after the way I've treated you. I - ssss!" she hissed, sucking air through her teeth before it turned into a moan as he massaged a sore spot along her spine. "I wish I could return the same to you somehow."

Varric swallowed at that. "It's not as though you didn't have some reason for treating me like shit," he halfway teased. "Besides, I'm sure you'll think of something if you want to return the favor, but really don't worry about it. You've got a lot on your mind as it is, all I'm asking is to just help take off some of that weight you carry every day." He was aware that getting her to make these sounds, the soft moans of pleasure as he massaged her back, was more satisfying to him than he thought it would be or than he would admit at this point.

She snorted. "All I seem to be doing is putting weight on," she said, feeling suddenly insecure. She'd always been slender, in excellent shape, and now she was afraid of losing that. "I suppose that is part of it, though. I keep training, but…" she trailed off and shook her head. He didn't want to hear her insecurities about herself. And complaining about them would make her sound terribly vain. "Forget I said anything."

He paused as he heard her speak and he raised his eyebrow at her before he walked around to look at her. "You... you're worried about that? Seeker, there's a difference between putting weight on and having a baby. I'm still halfway convinced the kid is going to come out as some adonis figure, all muscle and charm with the way you've been training. As it is for now, and don't hit me for this, but you are radiant. Anyone who says otherwise is a blind fool."

She gave him a soft smile. "Thank you for saying so, but I do not feel it." She swallowed, searching his eyes for a moment, and for once she believed he was speaking the truth. "I am so afraid of becoming useless. I do not want to lose myself because of this, to lose sight of our goals. I helped form the Inquisition; I want to see it through to the end. I want to help stop Corypheus. If I cannot do that, I will be so ashamed. I cannot stand the thought of letting everyone down."

Before he could talk himself out of it, he cupped her cheek, making her look at him. "Hey, you said it yourself. You helped form this Inquisition. Even if we are holed up here during that final battle with you having the baby, no one is going to think you let us down. This whole thing wouldn't be here if it weren't for you," he said, brushing his thumb along her high cheekbone. "And you aren't going to lose yourself to this. It's not possible. There are too many people here looking out for you. We won't let you fall too far, Seeker. I won't let you lose yourself. We'd be fools to think that nothing's changing, but as far as that goes, it's in our control to keep it the same."

Her heart warmed at his touch; her guilt and worry eased at his words. Oh how she wanted to believe that. And something about the way he said it made her think it could be true. She studied him, chills erupting down her spine as he stroked her cheek. There was an affection shining in his warm eyes that made her breath catch in her throat. He was so close to her, his face mere inches from her own. She curled her fingers around his wrist, leaning her face into the rough palm of his hand. "Varric…" she breathed, her eyes locked on his as she brushed her thumb over the back of his knuckles.

His own heart thudded in his chest and it was as if his body had become hyper aware of hers. The way she leaned into his touch, the soft press of her hand over his. He could think of a million reasons why this was a bad idea, but then again, he wasn't very good at following advice or orders. They were in this together. They had to be. Why not test the waters? He had to be going crazy; never would he have thought before that he could feel something like this for the woman in front of him now. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, if he were completely honest with himself. It had to be a start, he thought as he suddenly leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.


	9. Chapter 9

Cassandra gasped as Varric's firm lips met hers and his whiskered chin scraped her skin. She thought instantly to pull away, but… but… ohhhhhhh. She let her eyes fall closed and pressed her lips back against his. His warm, calloused hand still cradled her cheek and she squeezed his wrist, trying to hold onto him and what little sense she had left. She didn't know what to do. She pulled back, enough to separate their lips, but still close enough that the side of her nose touched his. "Varric," she whispered shakily. She felt breathless, her heart racing, and all she wanted was to kiss him again. "What… what was… why…?" she stammered, not entirely sure she wanted to hear his answer.

Varric pulled back, his brain scrabbling to catch up with him, trying to tell him how bad of an idea that was. He wasn't very good at listening. He offered her a smile, caressing the skin under his thumb a moment. "Come on, you've read enough of my terrible romance serials to know what a kiss is, Seeker," he said as he leaned in, pressing their foreheads together as he searched her hard eyes. "Unless you'd rather I didn't. I was hoping that we could at least get past hating having to be with each other."

She couldn't hate him now, not even if she wanted to. Not that she would ever admit that to him, though. Her heart went melty at the mention of his romance books and for a moment, she wondered if she really could have a romance like that. With him. Throwing caution to the wind, she closed the gap between their lips, kissing him again, and tilted her head more into his hand, inviting him to deepen the kiss if he wished. Oh what in the world was she doing? His heart pounded as she kissed him back, cautiously as if she were testing the waters between them.

He reached up with his other hand to cradle her face as he tilted his head and kissed her. Really kissed her. He trailed his tongue across her lips, slipping into her mouth when she granted him access, tasting how sweet she was, how firmly she kissed back. All of the things he missed during that first night, that first tumble between the sheets. This was more than that and on some level, it scared him.

Cassandra reciprocated, tangling her tongue around his, still gripping his arm in her hand to steady herself. Had this been what it was like the night their child was conceived? She tried to think back. No. It couldn't have been. This made her heart sing, butterflies flutter in her stomach. She carefully explored his mouth, relishing in the moment, pulling back a bit to suck on his bottom lip. Was she being too aggressive? If she was, he didn't protest and she smiled against his kiss.

Varric couldn't stop the rumble of pleasure that coursed through him as she kissed back passionately, nipping and sucking on his lips. He suddenly wished he hadn't been so drunk that night. It would have been something just to experience this with her sober. Then again, if they had been sober, this never would have happened in the first place. He let a hand trail back and tangle into her hair as he sighed against her, pulling back only when his lungs were burning for a breath of air.

Her breath came shakily, her whole body seeming to tremble from the intensity of their kiss. Her lips felt hot; she could feel her pulse in them. She sucked her lips for a moment, her eyes still closed, trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened. But her brain couldn't process it. A romance, a real romance with Varric? She didn't know if that was what she really wanted or not. Maker curse her for being so weak. She pulled back from him, out of his grip, feeling more confused than ever. "I… I should go," she said quickly. She stood up quickly, but her legs tangled in the chair and caused her to stumble clumsily, the chair falling over with a loud clatter. "Damn!" she cursed as she started to fall and grabbed Varric's shoulders to stop her fall.

Varric's eyes widened and he carefully grabbed at her, catching her hips between his hands and letting her lean her full weight on him as he steadied her on her feet. He couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped from his lips as he looked up at her startled face. The blush on her cheeks was adorable. "You always did know how to make an entrance and exit, Seeker."

Her face burned at her clumsiness. She stood up straight once she was certain she wouldn't fall. "Forgive me," she breathed as she pulled her hands away from his strong shoulders. Maker, she never realized how much that shirt hid how well built he was. She mentally cursed herself again for not being able to remember. "I should go," she repeated and turned to head for his door.

"Cassandra," he said after her, watching her go. His heart was still pounding from the kiss and he wasn't sure what shit he had got himself into this time by acting so impulsively, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it. He gave her a soft smile, "Goodnight."

* * *

All Cassandra could think for the rest of the night was Varric's kiss. And when she finally fell asleep, all she did was dream of him. Damn that dwarf. Her dreams were filled with heart-melting romance and passionate lovemaking, and she awoke the next morning absolutely breathless. Was it really him that made her feel that way, or just the idea of such a romance? It was a question she didn't have the answer to.

She took her time getting herself together that morning, thinking it over. She was ashamed that she'd ran out of his room like that, but she'd panicked. She needed to do something, to show him that she wasn't angry at him or upset for sharing that kiss last night. And really, he'd been trying to do so much for her lately, she felt as if she should do something for him in return.

But what?

She realized as she thought about it that Varric was an impossible person to buy for. Everything she thought of sounded silly in her head, things she herself would like but no man would probably appreciate. As each idea drifted through her mind, she told herself either he was wealthy enough to probably own two already, or it was far too sappy.

She finally wandered down to the merchants that had set up their stalls near the stables. She glanced that way, a small smile pulling at her lips as she heard Blackwall's woodworking tools being put to use. She looked over everything, frowning more and more at the wares for sale. None of it seemed fitting. That is, until she saw it. Her eyes widened, an idea dawning on her, and she bought it without even trying to haggle with the merchant. It was perfect. And thoughtful. She was rather proud of herself.

She hurried back up the steps and into the main hall where she found Varric in his usual spot by the fireplace, scribbling away at some papers on the table in front of him. She suddenly wished she'd taken the time to wrap it at least, but too late for that. "Here," she said, holding it out to him. "I thought you might like this."

Varric blinked as he looked up from his paperwork. Mostly just answering letters and managing the his networks within the Merchants Guild. It took him a moment to understand what Cassandra was holding out to him. He raised an eyebrow at her as he set down his quill and reached out to take the leather bound book from her. "Why, Seeker, you... you got me a gift?" he asked, genuinely surprised for once as he ran his hands over the thick covering. The leather was soft and worn, bound closed by a single tie and he unwrapped it so he could flip it open. He ran a hand over the crisp blank pages within. He couldn't stop the laughter that escaped him, "Is this a hint that I need to write another chapter of Swords and Shields for you, Seeker?"

Her eyebrows lifted. "No, but I would not object to that," she answered quickly, a smile on her lips at the thought. She sobered herself the next moment. "But that isn't what I intended this for. I… I thought you might like it to write down the children's stories you talked about. For the baby." She sighed; this all seemed so much better in her head. "You have done so much for me lately, Varric. I only wanted to return the gesture."

For once in his life, he was floored. Speechless by her actions. It was perfect, of course and he smiled up at her before he deftly flipped to the first page and dipped his quill into the ink pot sitting next to him. He thought for a moment before he wrote in the corner of the page, _For our pride and joy and the love of our lives. Love, Mother and Father._ "You'll have to help me with the title. I'm terrible at naming things. Babies included," he said as he waved his hand over the drying ink as he looked up at the warrior, still standing and looking at him with hesitation. He smiled widely, "Thank you, Cassandra. It's perfect. Would it be alright if I came by your room tonight? Gotta get started on these stories I think."

It made her happy to know he liked the gift and she found herself nodding before she could think on it. "I would like that," she said. She felt like she should say something more, should mention the kiss or ask him what he felt about it, but the words wouldn't come to her. "I look forward to seeing what you write," she said and turned to leave. "I'll be training if you need me for anything," she added. "You know where to find me."

He chuckled and waved her on. "Have fun Seeker. Try not to destroy all of them today," he called after her and when she was finally out of sight, he looked back to the book. A smile tugged at his lips as he ran his fingers over the cover again. A gift to him. He'd never thought he would see the day and it made his heart beat faster in his chest than he would care to admit. On an afterthought, he pulled the book closer and penned in the date at the bottom of the page.

He sighed as he looked at it and then finally pushed it away, pulling a fresh sheet of parchment to him as he dipped his quill again. This next letter wasn't going to be easy.


	10. Chapter 10

Any other time when she wanted to just slip into bed and avoid Varric, he'd been right there. Now that she was expecting him, he seemed to be taking his sweet time. She finally gave up waiting for him and changed into her night clothes and crawled into bed. A scowl crossed her face. He was messing with her, she knew it. He was probably lurking at the end of the hall, laughing to himself for making her wait for him. Little shit. She rolled to her side, tucking her arm under her pillow. "I swear, nothing brings that dwarf more pleasure than antagonizing me," she muttered.

Varric knocked on the door, muttering under his breath. The courier had been late and it had thrown off his entire schedule and he pushed the door open, noticing that the fireplace was the only source of light. "You awake, Seeker?" he called quietly, not wanting to wake her if she had managed to fall asleep. He closed the door behind him and set his book on the table, looking over towards the bed.

She lifted her head slightly to look at him. "I am," she answered as she rubbed at her eyes. "I thought you weren't coming. I would have stayed up if I'd known you still intended to visit me." She slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, yawing deeply. "Excuse me," she said, fighting another yawn. "Is everything alright? What kept you?"

He waved at her as he grabbed a chair from the table and came over to the bed. "Oh yeah, everything's fine. Just had to go searching over all of Skyhold to find the blasted courier to send some letters. Then I was late for dinner and of course Bull wanted to buy a round for everyone at the tavern." He shook his head and settled the chair next to her on the bed and sat down. It was the perfect height and it almost made them equal on that front. He reached out towards her abdomen, but stopped short and looked up at her sheepishly, "May I?"

She gave him a small smile and a nod, then took his hand and laid it over her belly. She could feel the warmth of his hand through the thin material of her frock and it made the butterflies appear in her stomach once again. "You do not have to ask," she said quietly. She looked down at his hand, hers still lingering over it. "I've been thinking all day long about what you said. About names. I hadn't given it much thought yet. Now I feel like a fool. Isn't that the first thing a mother should think of?"

Varric chuckled and gently rubbed her growing belly. "Well, no, I don't think so. You've had other things on your mind. I don't think the naming process comes until later. Sure we might pick out a few possible names now, but we won't name the little one until after he or she is born. Did you have a few names you wanted to throw out there?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I know one thing for certain. I do not want to give our child so many names that he or she can't even remember them all," she said. It felt like it had taken forever for her to be announced at the Winter Palace and she remembered Sera's teasing afterwards. Even now, her mouth twitched in amusement as she remembered she'd told Sera she remembered them all by having them sewn into her underpants. "There was one name that crossed my mind," she said softly, unsure if Varric would like it. "I thought of my brother, Anthony. It might be nice to honor him in that way. But I didn't know if you had a name you would prefer. One of your relatives, perhaps?"

He laughed, "Nah, no one I would really want to burden a child with having their names. Anthony. I like that name, it could work both ways if it's a girl or a boy. Well, if we called her Toni with an I. Or something, I'm not sure. Let's keep it handy. If naming the kid is that easy, I'll go with it. Don't need to complicate this any more than it is already." He smiled and scooted closer. "Now! Story time," he said as he thought carefully through his list of adventures and tall tales, wondering which one he should tell first.

Her eyes lit up. "Did you really already start writing in that book?" she asked, a tone of excitement in her voice. "I didn't expect you to do it so soon." She shook her head. "I would still be staring at the page, afraid to even write down the first word. I do not understand how it comes so easily to you." She moved in the bed to lay on her side, facing him, making herself more comfortable. She knew she should've felt silly for being excited to hear a child's story, but Varric was the one telling it. She knew it would be good.

He chuckled. "Of course. Just one for the moment, but I figure the longer time goes on, the more will come to me," he said as he leaned forward and rested his arm on the bed, moving his hand to cover her belly and he looked at the bump. "You'd better be awake for this too. There aren't going to be any repeats tonight," he teased before he gave Cassandra a wink.

He settled down and began telling a story about a brave hero and a magickal rose that would grant immortality to any who picked it. But it was never just that easy. The perils to get to the rose were many and the thorns were poisonous. On top of all that, a greedy dragon guarded the rose, unwilling anyone to become immortal.

Cassandra smiled as Varric told the story and she got lost in his words. But it was more than just the story itself. It was his voice, the way in which he told the story that enchanted her so. No wonder he was so popular, why everyone seemed to flock to him when he got to telling his stories. He was truly talented and she found herself hoping that their child would be blessed in the same way. Her eyes grew heavy and once or twice she had to snap them open, not wanting to miss a single word. He seemed to be speaking softer now and she frowned slightly at him. "Speak up, Varric. You are putting me to sleep," she scolded.

He smiled at her, "Isn't that the point? To make sure you and the baby get a good night's rest?"

"Hmph," she snorted, but relaxed more into the bed, the softness of it making her eyes heavy again. "You are trouble," she reminded him.

She was very nearly asleep by the time he finished his story and she was vaguely aware of the way he quietly stood up, preparing to leave for the night. She reached out, brushing her fingertips over his forearm. "Don't go," she murmured, her voice barely above a sleepy whisper.

He was surprised at that and he turned towards her. "You sure you want me to stay, Seeker? You might find me in the bed come morning. Are you going to promise you won't stab me when you wake up and find me there?" he asked cautiously as he tucked the covers up around her shoulders. For some reason, his skin burned where she had briefly touched him.

A lazy smile split her lips, her eyes nearly closed. "As long as you are not naked and we are not hung over," she answered, though her voice lacked any bite she might have normally put in it. She didn't know where this came from. Perhaps it was because of the baby, this new connection she felt towards Varric, but she wasn't ready for him to go. "I promise."

He laughed at that, "You are no fun, Seeker, but alright. I promise." He had planned on going back to his rooms, to work on writing a few more things. For his own book and then again for the children stories. Sod it, he'd work on it in the morning and automatically his hands went for his tunic and he paused. "Half naked okay? I usually don't sleep with a shirt on," he asked, but then noticed Cassandra was already down and out for the count. "Well, I won't be completely naked," he reasoned. He loosened his belt and slipped the tunic off of his head and draped it over the back of a chair before he went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in. He groaned at the sheer softness of the bed; Ruffles really had out done herself on this. He let out a sigh as he settled down, rolling onto his side so he could watch the soon to be mother of his child. It sent a wave of warmth through him and he was suddenly struck by how domestic it all felt. It wasn't something he thought he could ever feel or would be able to. It was thrilling in its own way and he found he rather liked the idea.

* * *

Cassandra awoke the next morning to warm sunlight streaming through her window, warming the side of her face. Oh, she was so comfortable for once, she didn't want to get up. She blinked slowly, her eyes widening a bit when she saw Varric asleep next to her. She vaguely remembered asking him to stay the night before, but this time there was no horror, no anger, no shock. At some point during the night, she'd rolled over and wrapped herself around his arm, which she was still hugging. Maker's breath, his muscles were incredible. She'd never realized before just how well built he was. It made her heart skip as she looked at his lightly tanned skin, taut over the well rounded muscles of his arm, his shoulder, his chest. Her mouth ran dry as she felt her body stir, her attraction to him growing by the second. How could she feel so aroused and so unattractive at the same time? Damn this pregnancy.

She calmed her breathing, reining in her hormones. Still, she didn't pull away from him. She reached out carefully and lightly brushed the hair off his forehead, a soft smile on her face at the feel of it in her fingers. She wondered if she should wake him, but he looked so peaceful, his breathing steady, lips parted just slightly. She thought she could lay there and study him all day. She ran her fingers through his hair again, losing herself in the moment, and gasped when he stirred. "Oh! I didn't mean to wake you."

Varric started awake, not expecting to hear a voice in the bed next to him. Certainly not the Seeker sounding so... approachable? He blinked open his eyes, groaning at the sunlight that was filtering inside the room. "I blame you and that blasted sun," he muttered before he yawned and turned his head to the side, seeing Cassandra curled around his arm. "And using me for a pillow?" When she smiled at him, unguarded, it made his breath stop. The sunlight made her skin glow and she looked vibrant, full of life. He groaned as he felt himself stirring and shook his head, mostly at himself. Nope. Not doing that again. "Did you sleep well?"

She nodded, still wrapped around his arm. "Does it bother you? I will stop if it does," she said, daring to rest her chin on his shoulder. Oh she could lose herself in the scent of his skin. A low chuckle escaped her. "I forget that you are not used to waking this early in the morning."

"The curse of a writer. Or old habits born in Kirkwall. I usually wouldn't go to sleep until it was near morning. Sleep until about noon, go adventuring around one. Write about everything once we got back, rinse and repeat." He let his head settle back against the pillow as he looked down at her on his arm. The way she was looking up at him, it took years off of her face and her eyes were sparkling with something akin to wonder or curiosity. "I suppose I had better start getting used to waking up at odd hours. Unless you think you can get that baby on a set schedule."

"Ha!" she laughed. "I don't think that's possible." She blinked at him then, tipping her head slightly. "You plan to help with that? To be here at night to help care for the baby?" Her heart warmed for him even more. She hadn't expected that from him. "Are you just trying to be too good to be true?" she asked, speaking before she thought about her words. She blushed furiously the next moment. "I… I mean…" She stumbled over the words; she didn't know what she meant.

He couldn't stop the laughter that escaped him and he smiled down at her. "No, that'll be when I offer to go get you breakfast so you can eat it in bed here in a minute." He gave her a wink and then sobered up, "Of course I was planning on being here through that. I thought we had already discussed that. Why would I leave you with all of the 'fun' stuff?"

"But that implies you being here at night, every night," she said. "I know you said you wanted to be involved. I just didn't expect this." She was surprised to find she wasn't opposed to the idea. Not completely. Nerves made her stomach twist as she thought about what was happening, what they might become. She had to ask, but she was afraid of what his answer might be. Yet once again, she found herself speaking before she could think it through. "What is happening here, Varric? What is this? Us, I mean. I am confused by it all."

He blinked as he realized what she meant and what he was saying. If he really was going to be here for her and the baby, it meant staying in the same room. They couldn't very well pass around the baby between their two rooms depending on who's turn it was. "I can always sleep on the floor if you aren't comfortable with me staying in the bed. Though judging on how you reacted now, it might work that way. As for us? I'm just as confused as you are. Nothing makes much sense any more. I think we are learning to not hate each other for the sake of the kid, right? It's a start. Did you want it to be something?" he asked, looking down at her.

Cassandra rearranged her expression, trying to keep it neutral. He was right; this should be for the baby, nothing more. Though that made it feel like it was an obligation to both of them, and something about that hurt. "What I want is what's best for this child," she answered, carefully tiptoeing around his question. She moved away from him, trying to mask her movements as a stretch. "It is admirable of you to do the responsible thing, to be so generous to offer so much help. I appreciate it," she said stiffly.

Varric tried to stifle the sigh, but it made it past his lips and he reached out and stopped her movements by carefully gripping her arm. "Cassandra," he drawled, her name rolling off of his tongue, almost as if he were scolding her. He gave her a look, "What happened to that whole, we're going to be honest with each other? I was keeping my distance because, that's what we do, isn't it? I'm the dwarf that ruined your life. Ruined your chances at becoming Divine, stopped you from finding Hawke, all of those wonderful things you like to remind me about. Why would you even want more with me?"

"I was not being dishonest," she said, that air of professionalism in her voice again. "I was being respectful of your wishes. You said it yourself - we are learning to not hate each other for the sake of our child. I will not ask you for more than that." She was so confused in that moment, it took everything she had not to lash out at him again. "Though if that is all you intend this to be, then perhaps you should not kiss me again like you did the other night."

"You know, if I recall correctly, you did kiss me back," he said as he rolled to his side so he could face her and he sighed. "Shit, I'm not sure I even know what I want. For all the trashy romance novels I try to write, my romantic life is shit. Precarious at best. I'm not really good at this short-distance relationship stuff. All I know is that I don't want you to be stuck with me because you don't want to." He ran a hand through his messy hair. "Shit, what am I trying to say here… So many things are happening to you that are out of your control, I just want you to be sure this is something you want for yourself before you go flinging yourself at it."

"You know, for someone who is usually so well spoken, you are really sticking your foot in your mouth now," she spat. She didn't know why she was so hurt. Okay, maybe she did know, or she suspected at least. Still, she wasn't sure if she wanted to bring it up, to throw that in his face or not. "I may have flung myself at you in a moment of intoxication, but I do not make a habit out of it. Towards you or anyone. I know I can be brash, but I do think things through before I act. On occasion."

"Maker's breath," he muttered as he pushed himself to sit up and he rubbed at his eyes. It was too early for this conversation, but it seemed like it was happening anyway. "I know, Cassandra, I know. I didn't mean it like that." He tilted his head and looked over at her, seeing the fire burning behind her eyes, the tick in her jaw. And the morning had started out so well. "If you must know, I've decided to close that particular chapter in my own book. Recently, but I did it."

She sat up then, looking at him with wide eyes. "You did? You mean," she paused for just a moment before she spoke the name aloud, "Bianca?" He gave a curt nod and she blinked in surprise. Yet she felt guilty about that. "Because of me," she said and drew her knees up, wrapping her arms around them as best as she could. The position was uncomfortable and she sighed, dropping her knees down again instead to cross her arms. "I am sorry, Varric." She ran a hand through her short hair and turned her face away, looking at the floor. "Now I am the one guilty of ruining things for you."

He gave a hollow bark of laughter at that and looked at her, touching her arm to draw her attention to him. "No. This may have started me into action, but you aren't entirely the reason I ended it with her." He sighed and scratched at the back of his neck as he thought about his next words carefully. "You know she's married, right? An arranged marriage set up by her parents. When I found out, I asked her to marry me instead. That we could run away from it all and elope. She left me standing at the altar, so to speak. What's his name has more influence, better contacts for her to continue her work. So she tells me. And it's true. If she married me, she wouldn't…" He shook his head, "Doesn't matter. She married him and over the past fifteen years, we've been meeting up when we could. Couldn't have children, couldn't have a family. Just once in a blue moon we'd meet up, write letters. She gets to have it all."

Cassandra's heart ached to hear the pain in his voice, to see the sadness in his eyes. "But that is not fair to you!" she protested. "How could she…" She trailed off, shaking her head as an anger grew in her chest towards a woman she'd never even met before. Her jaw clenched as she breathed through her nose. "To string you along like that for all those years, to leave you standing there like that…" She growled low in her throat. "You are a better man than that, Varric. You deserve better." Well, she knew who'd she'd be picturing on the practice dummies today.

"She was all I had then. I was happy to have even just a moment with her, it was worth it," he sighed and rubbed at his head. "But now, thanks to this," He gestured between them, "I get to have a chance to experience all of those things I thought I never would have a chance to, but you have to believe me when I say, I didn't want to force you into something, a relationship with me that you didn't want. I know what that can be like. It's shit. I didn't want you hating me for that either."

"I wish you would stop using that word," she said forcefully. "I do not hate you, Varric. I never hated you. You have annoyed me, made me angry, but hate…" She shook her head. She didn't know why she felt disappointed in that moment. Perhaps because the morning had seemed off to a good start and now this. Maybe she really was a fool for even entertaining the idea of something more with him. "You haven't forced me into a damn thing. I don't know where you got that idea from, but it is ludicrous. Not one thing have you done that has forced me into anything." She huffed and shook her head at him. "I understand if you need time to figure out what it is you want. Perhaps it would be best if we both took time to consider the matter. But do not kiss me again until you know. I do not appreciate being toyed with."

"Neither do I," he said, as he thought about it. Did he need time to consider it? Or should he take a page from Cassandra's book? He usually was careful, taking his time, looking at every angle like with his books. What was done, was done and now he had a chance to create a life where he could actually be happy, where he could have a family of his own and watch it grow. "Shit," he breathed as he turned his head and reached out for Cassandra, turning her head towards him and he tilted it back as he leaned in and claimed a passionate kiss from her.

A surprised yet dreamy moan escaped Cassandra as he kissed her. She could feel the passion in it, the forcefulness of his grasp, and it made her weak inside. She slid her hand into his hair and kissed him back just as passionately. Something excited and triumphant seemed to roar in her chest. For once, they finally seemed to understand each other, to be on the same page so to speak. She knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't tempt her wrath like this. "Maker," she breathed and kissed him again, losing herself in the moment.

Varric smiled against her lips as she kissed him back and he briefly thought about using this tactic any time she might want to argue in the future. Though, it might end up getting him smacked if she figured his plan out. Maker, it felt good to not be fighting with her and he was just about content enough to hold her like this all morning. He wrapped her up in his arms, letting her wrap her arms around his shoulders. It almost seemed surreal when he finally pulled back from her, drinking in her expression, the redness on her lips, the blush blooming on her cheeks. "Well, I'm glad we finally understand each other."


	11. Chapter 11

Extra chapter this week.

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Cassandra spent the rest of her morning walking around in a dreamy state, thinking about her morning with Varric, save for the moments when she was training with her practice dummies. Then her anger returned full force, though now it was directed at the woman who'd treated him so poorly over the years. Even she was surprised at the damage she dealt the undeserving dummies that morning. And she'd exhausted herself quicker than usual.

She returned to her room, thinking of stealing a quick nap. She froze as soon as she opened the door; Dorian laid on her bed, a book in one hand and his other arm tucked behind his head, his ankles crossed as if he owned the place. "What are you doing?" she demanded.

"Ah! You're back. That was quick," he said as he glanced out the window to see the position of the sun. "I thought for sure I would have at least until noon." He couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. "I had to try it out, I've been sleeping on a straw bed since I've gotten here. Straw! It does nothing to ward off the cold that you Southerners don't seem to pay any mind to at all." He licked his finger and turned a page in his book, settling down. "Why don't you lay down? You look exhausted."

"I would, but there is a rather annoying mage from Tevinter in my bed," she growled. "Josephine warned me that this would happen. She knows you too well," she said accusingly and cocked an eyebrow at him. "And reading better be the only thing you have done in my bed or so help me…" She trailed off, leaving the threat hanging.

Dorian chuckled. "Oh don't worry. There are many things I am guilty of, but rest assured, I have not defiled your bed in that way. Bull turned me down anyway. Said you were on a warpath this morning and that there would be no telling what time you would be coming back to your room. I'm not telling him he was right though," he muttered and took the time to pat the empty space beside him. "Come on then, plenty of room, I'm just getting to the good part."

She scowled at him as she walked closer to the bed. "Might I remind you what happened to me the last time I was coerced into sharing a bed with a man?" she said as she moved to lay down on the edge of the bed. It was a bit strange to her, this new friendship she seemed to be forming with Dorian. Yet she welcomed it. There was something about him that she just couldn't resist. Perhaps it was the way he accepted her without judgment.

"Yes, but unlike that man, I have absolutely no interest in getting under that armor of yours. The bed is warm and comfortable and it's the only thing I wish to be in at the moment." He glanced over at her, balancing precariously on the edge of the bed. "I'm not going to bite, unless you're scared of the dreaded magister from Tevinter."

Though he passed it off as a joke, she heard the note of hurt in his voice. "I am not scared of you, Dorian. Not for being a mage. But the biting… you have been spending an awful lot of time with Iron Bull lately," she teased and moved closer to him. "I should have grabbed a book for myself," she said, glancing over at the bookshelf. Oh, she felt lazy and didn't want to get up to get one. "Oh well. I will probably fall asleep before I could read the first few pages anyway. This baby makes me feel like I can just fall down and sleep anywhere."

"That's saying something," Dorian chuckled and lifted his head to look at her, "You want me to read to you? It's in Tevene, but you might get the general gist of things. Plus you get to hear my voice, a win win for all party's involved."

She laughed lightly at that. "No, it would only frustrate me," she answered. She would never say it to Dorian, but after listening to Varric tell her a story last night, no one could ever live up to that. She chewed her lip, looking at him for a moment. "May I ask you something, Dorian? You and Bull, your relationship, is it… an emotional one for you? Or is it purely physical?"

Dorian couldn't stop the book as it fell forward onto his chest and he looked over at Cassandra with a shocked look on his face. "Well, don't you just jump right on into things? No, how's the weather,or anything first?"

"No," she answered dryly. "I know your opinion on weather here in the south. _Everyone_ does."

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling a moment. "The first couple times it happened, I would say that it was just purely physical. It was all I ever expected from him. It was all I dared myself to hope for. Now? I'm not exactly sure what it is we have together. It's something. A lot of something. And he's actually... proud of it. That was something I didn't expect either." His voice grew softer with every word as he thought about the other man.

"Doesn't that bother you?" she asked. "The uncertainty, I mean. It drives me mad to not know exactly where I stand, how others view a situation." Though she felt she was on a good path with Varric, there was still so much up in the air. So many things they had yet to discuss. And she wasn't even sure when or if they should be brought up. She was over-thinking things again. Her expression softened a bit. "Why shouldn't he be proud to be with you?"

"You certainly have a lot of questions." He chuckled a moment before he sobered up and he shook his head, "He should be proud, it is just, unexpected. You have to understand that where I come from, the notion of two men being together is accepted so long as it is hidden away and stays in the shadows far from the public. I was expected to marry and have children, having an open relationship with other men, specifically ones who are in the same boat as I am, it's frowned upon to say the least. It's a hard habit to break, to be proud of a relationship, to be public and free with my affections as I have always wanted to do. Bull knows that and he's doing everything in his power to break me free of that mindset." Dorian rolled to his side so he could face Cassandra better, propping his head up with a hand as he looked down at her. "As for the uncertainty, well, that's half the fun. I've gotten used to the strange looks, granted, I don't receive many of them in the south for my choice of bed-partners. I get them more from being that Tevinter mage. Either way, I don't care. The only opinions I care about are those of my closest friends. I don't have many, but I know where they stand. I can live with that."

"I admire your confidence," she said. She couldn't help but to wonder if she and Varric did pursue a relationship, how others would react. What new whispered rumors would spread through Skyhold. She sighed; she should've been immune to it by now. "I suppose we are lucky that most of the inner circle isn't too judgmental. Not when it comes to relationships, anyway. Save for Sera. She will tease anyone she can for that." She met his eyes, a sincerity in her own. "I was uncertain of you when you first joined the Inquisition, Dorian. But now I am glad you are here. And I am glad that you and Bull are happy together."

He smiled at her, seeing the honesty in her eyes and he nodded. "Thank you. I am happy to be here. I'm not sure where I would be now if I hadn't joined. I imagine in a place I wouldn't like." He shook his head and flipped his book back up. "Though the cold leaves much to be desired. Do be a dear and snuggle up to me so I can steal your heat while I finish reading."

She gave him a look before she gave in and moved closer, resting her head on his shoulder. "You are lucky I like you," she growled as her eyes closed. "I would not let anyone else get away with this. I hope you know that." Snuggling in bed with Dorian. What was next? Playing pranks with Sera? She snorted at herself. "Being around you is making me soft. I'll have to murder twice the usual number of training dummies just to make up for this."

"I'll alert the requisition officer," Dorian said dryly as he turned another page. "You know, Cassandra, I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but if you are thinking about what people think of you and Varric, might I say that you haven't anything to worry about? That _is_ what you were leading up to, yes?"

Her face burned a bit. Was she really that easy to read? "Yes," she said reluctantly. "Things between him and I have become… less aggressive," she said, wording it as best she could. "I don't know where this will lead, if it will be best for us and the baby or if it will only lead to more heartache down the road. It excites me and terrifies me at the same time."

"That, my dear, is one of the best parts about being in a relationship. You can never know what is really going to happen. You have to go with that gut feeling and what's in here," he said as he moved to point at her heart. "Then you hope for the best and that it doesn't blow up in your face. Which it can happen, no point in denying a possible outcome. Take Bull and I, for instance. If when I first joined this Inquisition, someone told me that I would actually be in a steady relationship with that great lummox, I would have happily blasted fireballs at them until the druffalo came home, but now..." His voice got softer and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips, "Well, let's just say I am glad I took the risk."

"It would seem we have both found ourselves in impossible relationships," she mused. She felt better, the giddy dreamy feeling flooding her chest again. Was Varric worth the risk? ' _Yes_ ,' she told herself. Even if she ended up hurt, he was worth taking that chance.


	12. Chapter 12

Cassandra stood near the gate, watching as Varric prepared to leave with the Inquisitor and a few others. How many times had they gone on missions, taking on dangerous adversaries without a second thought? But now it was different. Now she was worried for him. The gravity of the situation seemed all the more real to her. She reached into her pocket and withdrew a small case, holding extra healing potions. But even that didn't help to ease her worry. There was only so much the potions would do and a mission could still end in tragedy.

She caught his eye as he separated himself from the group and walked towards her. "Take these with you," she said, trying to sound more commanding than worried as she handed over the case.

Varric reached out and took the case from her, opening it up and he chuckled when he was what was inside. "Why, Seeker, worried about me, are you?" He moved and carefully clipped the box to his belt before he smiled up at her. "Relax, we're just going to that marsh down south. Although, I've been hearing reports that it's infested with undead."

Cassandra pulled a disgusted face. "I am not sorry that I will miss this one," she said. She watched as the others mounted their horses, Varric's pony saddled and ready to go. "They're waiting for you. You should go," she said, though she wasn't eager to see him leave. She made to move back towards the training area, but stopped. "Please be careful."

He looked back over his shoulder at the rest of the group waiting and he turned back to Cassandra, crooking his finger at her. "Come here and I'll tell you a secret." He smiled as she ventured closer and he took her arm and tugged her down so he could place a firm kiss on her lips before he turned his head to her ear, "I always am."

She straightened up, a look of surprise on her face, but she touched her lips and smiled. "Good. I will… see you when you return," she said softly. She thought back to her room where he'd been sleeping more and more often. The book she'd given him sat on the bedside table, a bookmark in place of the new story he'd written. He'd told her to read the baby a story each night, out loud, because he wouldn't be there to do it. She'd felt silly, but agreed.

"Varric!" the Inquisitor called.

"Go," Cassandra said. "I will be here. Be safe."

He gave her a wink before he turned and went to mount his pony, waving off the comments Bull threw at him. "I'm sure we're all glad we didn't see the goodbye you gave Sparkler, Tiny," he teased back as they followed the Inquisitor out of Skyhold.

"Glad? You mean disappointed," Bull laughed. "It's too bad. It was spectacular."

The Inquisitor shook her head; she was used to the banter by now. There was no point in interfering, unless they really got too carried away. Most of the time, she even enjoyed joining in. "Don't you two worry. We'll get you back to them before you know it. I'm certain you can handle just a few days away, can't you?" she teased. She looked at Solas out of the corner of her eye. "Honestly, you'd think we had a couple of lovesick puppies tagging along with us."

Solas chuckled, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Quite. I am sure they will provide each other with company, trading stories about how much they lament being away from their significant others."

"You're making it weird, Solas," Bull growled. He would never deny what he had with Dorian, there was no need for it, but the others always made it sound so… sappy. He could talk about it all day long with pride, but then it sounded weird to have it said back to him.

"My sincerest apologies. I was merely implying that you could work with Master Tethras, aid him in writing that new book he talks about so often."

"I would, but Dorian's convinced that Varric will just get it all wrong anyway," Bull teased, glancing over at Varric to see if he could get a rise out of the dwarf.

Varric chuckled, "That's just because he didn't like the title of the Wayward Magister. It has a much nicer ring to it than the Wayward Altus. Who would want to read that? Everyone wants the dirt on Tevinter. I thought he would appreciate that."

The Inquisitor shook her head and rolled her eyes as she laughed. "And this is why I don't bring everyone along all at once," she said. "There would be so much bickering, we'd never even get out of the Skyhold gates."

"You like it," Bull accused. "You know you bring us along for sheer entertainment value. And as long as I get to hit something, I'm okay with that."

* * *

The Inquisitor sighed as she finally sat down near the fire where her companions were already eating a simple dinner and trading more jabs at one another. She slowly shook her head in a disapproving way, but smiled. Bull and Solas were lost in conversation, playing a game of chess in their heads, and she looked at Varric, finally seizing the opportunity to talk to him. "So how are things with you and Cassandra?"

Varric looked up at the Inquisitor as he finished chewing his current bite of food. "Oh, about as well as you can expect. I'm sure you remember seeing us at our worst. It's gotten better. To say that the baby has changed things would be an understatement and it hasn't even arrived yet. Her mood swings are the most interesting part of the day. One minute she's happy and the next she's on the warpath because someone looked at her wrong. Well, you know, more than usual."

"I might've noticed," she said. She cleared her throat and shifted a bit, making herself more comfortable on the hard ground. "I don't want to overstep my bounds, Varric, but I just wanted to say that I think you are good for Cassandra. And that she's good for you. I know she can be difficult, but she's trustworthy and loyal. She's better for you than Bianca." That whole mess still left a sour taste in the Inquisitor's mouth, especially when she'd tried to be understanding with Bianca and then the dwarf had threatened to feed her her own eyeballs.

Varric winced at that; he still hadn't received a letter back from her yet. It was to be expected of course, but she had been his friend for the longest time. To not hear anything back after declaring that part of their life was over, it bothered him, but he tried to not let on about it. "Yeah, I know." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know, I just feel like this is right, you know? I know we didn't plan any of this, but shit, does anything happen that we plan for around here?"

She laughed. "You just took the words right out of my mouth," she said, waving her glowing hand at him. "No one planned a damn thing that's happened."

"Knight to F-five."

"Pawn to C-six. Left your Tamassran hanging out."

"And you your knight. Or Ben'Hassrath, if you will. Pawn to G-four."

The Inquisitor sighed, trying to tune them out. "I just want to make sure that you're happy. I know it must be stressful for you both. So many changes are happening, and only more on the way. I can't imagine what you must be feeling, what must be going through your heads. It's all anyone seems to talk about. If Josephine doesn't stop piling up the war table with catalogues from Val Royeaux, I think Cullen and Leliana might stage an intervention."

Varric threw his head back and laughed. "Well, if there was ever a need for a distraction from the end of the world, I think the baby trumps everything. Maker's breath, Inquisitor, what am I going to do? I don't know if I'm cut out to be a father. I know everyone's eyes are on Cassandra right now, but soon they'll be looking to me and looking at my contributions. They'll be asking questions. Ones I'm not sure the Seeker or I want to answer. I'm sure you heard what Mother Giselle said?"

"I heard rumor of it," she said, looking at him with concern. "I've also heard that you've gone out of your way to take care of Cassandra and make sure she's comfortable. Well, as much as she will ever let anyone take care of her. If that's anything to go by, I think you'll be just fine. I think you will be an excellent father. But what questions are you worried about?" she asked, tipping her head slightly.

"I would say that it didn't bother me, but it did. The Revered Mother bluntly said that I've ruined Cassandra and that I should marry her as quickly as possible so that she doesn't get labeled as the woman who carried a bastard dwarf child. I think that bothers Cassandra too. She worries about what everyone thinks of us. Of her. She denies it every time, but I can tell. Scary, isn't it?"

The Inquisitor's expression darkened. "So much for being a woman of faith, that Mother Giselle is poisonous. She tried to start problems with Dorian as well." She pressed her lips tightly together, shaking her head. "Varric, you shouldn't marry Cassandra because you feel obligated to, or because other people say you should. You shouldn't even do it just because the two of you are having a baby. Marriage should be for love and nothing less. If you and Cassandra ever reach that point, then good. And if not, to hell with what anyone else would think of you. And if I ever hear anyone refer to your child as a bastard, I'll kill them myself."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you, Inquisitor," Varric said with a smirk, "Now, if only I could convince the Seeker of that, I think she would sleep easier at night." He huffed a laugh out. "Never thought I'd be the Seeker's keeper. Seems all I do now a days. Can't say it's been terrible. It's been surprisingly good, for the most part. Mornings when she curses my name from some bodily function misbehaving are never good. All in all it's been a source of inspiration. For books and life alike, sappy as that sounds." He took a long drink from his water skin, "And I believe you about Sparkler. Can't believe she came to you with that letter though. If she could have gotten away with it, I know she would have gone to him herself and taken him to Redcliffe on her own. Then we'd be short a mage. It's hard to imagine the Inquisition without him."

She hummed her agreement. "And then we'd have to explain to the Chantry why a Qunari ripped the Reverend Mother apart with his bare hands," she said. "I'll talk with my advisors when we get back. See if we can't do something about her." She reached over and rubbed his back. "We should get some sleep. I know how chipper you are in the mornings and we need to get an early start."

He chuckled, "My reputation precedes me I see. It's not my fault that I do my best work in the middle of the night." He stood up and stretched. "Thanks for listening, Inquisitor. Maker knows you have enough shit to deal with on your own without all of us dumping more into your lap."

She stood as well. "Varric, I don't mind," she said sincerely. "You're my friend. And you were on my side from the beginning. I won't forget that." She watched him head to his tent before she turned towards Solas and Bull, who were scowling at each other, both of them deep in thought over their imaginary chess game. "Oh would you two knock it off and go to bed? You don't even have a board!"

Varric laughed at them as they started explaining to the Inquisitor all the benefits of playing without a chessboard. He ducked into his tent and shrugged off his crossbow, sitting down on his bedroll with a huff so he could take off his boots and his duster. Traveling all day really did take a lot out of a person, especially since it felt like it had been a while since they did this. Or at least since he had been out in a group with the Inquisitor. It was good to be on the road again, but after being in Skyhold looking after Cassandra, he almost felt a bit at a loss for what to do. He had gotten used to the nightly ritual of reading a story for her and the baby. The leather book she had gotten him was nearly halfway filled already and it wouldn't take long to finish out the pages.

"I'm a mess," he muttered to himself as he laid down and pulled the covers over him. He tried to get comfortable, he really did, but damned if that bed back at Skyhold didn't spoil him. It was warmer too, though he wasn't sure if that was because of the shared body heat or just part of the bed. Hell, probably both factors, but he wasn't about to ask anyone if they wanted to spoon just so he could get some shut eye.

* * *

Back at Skyhold, Cassandra wasn't having any better luck than Varric. She'd read a story aloud, just like he'd asked, then blew out her candle and tried to sleep. But all she seemed to do was toss and turn. She was so used to him reading to her until she fell asleep now. She curled up on her side and stared out the window at the inky black sky, wondering where he was and if he was okay. He had to be. She tried to tell herself that the Maker wouldn't take him from her, not now.

She grabbed the pillow he usually slept with and curled around it, scolding herself for worrying. Varric was tough. He could take care of himself. But still, the worry would not leave her and she was exhausted the next day. She'd hope that night that she would be able to sleep better, but again, all she did was toss and turn, with Varric the only thing on her mind. Never in a million years would she have believed that she could miss that dwarf so much.

By the third night, she'd given up completely. So instead, she sat in the new rocking chair Blackwall had surprised her with and re-read all the stories Varric had written in the book. It was late, she knew it had to be the early hours of the morning, and she was startled when a knock at the door came. Who on earth would bother her at such an hour? Unless… unless it was someone with bad news… Her heart stopped, her breath tight in her throat. No. Please, Maker, no.

"C-Come in," she called shakily as she set the book aside, preparing herself for the worst.

Dorian had trouble pushing the door open as he stumbled into the room, wincing as he righted himself. "Ah! Cassandra! Fancy meeting you here. I need a place to sleep for the night," he said, his speech slurring slightly as he shut the door behind him and he untangled the blanket he had wrapped around his shoulders to fend off the cold air from outside.

"Maker," Cassandra breathed, her voice shaking as she lowered her face to cover it with her hands. She nearly sobbed in relief. She drew a sharp breath through her nose and got to her feet, crossing the room quickly to him. "Oh Dorian," she scolded lightly when she smelled the alcohol on his breath. "Come on." She took him by the arm and helped him over to the bed where he fell heavily back onto it. She shook her head slowly at him. "You've had too much wine, haven't you?"

"Or not enough. I'm not entirely sure at this point," he huffed as he sat up and wrestled his boots off before he pulled at the covers of the bed until he could slide under them with a soft groan. "All I know is that my bed is too small and Bull's is too empty and it is driving me insane. I can't sleep so I stay up, read, and drink. Thus the current state you see me in."

She gave him a sympathetic look. "I feel the same," she admitted quietly. "I have grown so accustom to Varric being here in my room that I cannot fall asleep. I don't think I've slept at all since he left." She moved around to her usual side of the bed and sat down, sighing heavily. "What is the matter with us, Dorian? We should be stronger than this."

He snorted and rolled on his side so he could look at her. "We should, but that's what happens when you let someone in and they grab you by the... erm... heartstrings. Especially us strong, infallible types," he said as he moved to lift up the corner of the covers for her. "Come on, it's freezing and I am too used to curling up next to a Qunari furnace at night. He has utterly ruined me. I should be furious."

She laid down and let him cover her with the blanket. Or attempt to at least. She gave a snort of amusement and finally had to do it herself. She laid on her side, staring into his bleary eyes. "Are you just unable to sleep because you are used to him there or are you worried?" she asked. "I try not to, but I cannot stop worrying about Varric. Never before have I ever worried over any of them when they go out on these quests. But now I cannot stop myself."

"Sadly, I think it's a bit of both on my side of things. I'm not sure if you are aware, but I am a rather needy mage. I've gotten so used to him being there, I throw tantrums when he isn't. Now the Inquisitor hauls him off and I am left here wondering if he will be alright or if he will go charging headfirst into a fight he can't win. I should know better. That man is built like a fortress, but still. Part of me does worry. And if I were in your shoes, I would be worried about the father of my child. This new experience for you and to be separated from him? Nerve-wracking."

"That's exactly the word for it," she said. "But we have to remain strong. You are Andrastian, are you not? We must keep our faith, believe that the Maker will bring them back to us." Her own words brought her a small measure of comfort, but she couldn't shake the worry as much as she'd like to. At this point, she wasn't certain if she was speaking to him or to herself. "They're strong. And they are smart. They will come back to us." She reached over and cupped his cheek. "They _will_ , Dorian."

His eyes fluttered closed at her touch and he let out a heavy sigh. "You've no idea what a comfort it is to hear someone other than myself say that," he said as he looked at her again. It was a relief to be in a bed with someone, not that he would trust just anyone to sleep next to. He had gotten too used to Bull, to used to that presence and now he was out on a mission and it bothered him like he never thought it would. It was good to have someone to share his worries with, someone who wouldn't judge him for his choices. "Thank you for not judging me," he murmured, echoing a phrase she had said to him back when this had all started.

She smiled as his eyes fell shut and she ran her thumb over his cheekbone, quietly whispering, "Never."


	13. Chapter 13

Cassandra couldn't concentrate. She was absolutely exhausted and she knew that at some point that day, Varric should return to Skyhold. She was so excited, so anxious to see him that she could barely even land a hit on her practice dummies. Even Cullen had noticed how off she was and tried to reassure that everything would be okay. But it didn't help. She kept glancing at the gate every time someone came through it and every time, her heart sank in disappointment again. Shouldn't they have been back by now? Maybe something had gone wrong. Maybe something had delayed them or happened to them. Oh, she was driving herself crazy thinking about it. Where were they?!

Varric was exhausted and he was fairly sure he would have fallen off of his pony more than once if Solas hadn't been there poking him awake with his staff every now and then. "Thanks Chuckles, where would I be without you?" he asked as he was poked awake again. He didn't even try to stifle the yawn that split his lips.

"I would imagine, Master Tethras, face down in the dirt somewhere five miles away. You are quite welcome. So curious though to see you so worried about the Seeker. I am pleased that you both have found something worthwhile to draw you two together. Though I have to admit, I did not see this coming. Dorian did though. Don't you owe him some coin for that?" he asked, carefully keeping an eye on the dwarf to make sure he didn't nod off again.

Varric snorted. "He wishes. I called him crazy and changed the subject, thankfully, no bets were made. I would have lost a lot of gold on that one," he muttered. The surrounding area had turned to ice and snow. The path to Skyhold was familiar and he knew it wouldn't be long before they spotted the fortress in the distance.

It was late afternoon before Cassandra heard the gate open again and she turned expectantly, though in the back of her mind she was prepared to be disappointed again. But her eyes lit up the next moment as she saw the Inquisitor ride in, followed by Bull… then Solas… and finally, "Varric!" she breathed and began to hurry across the yard as fast as her belly would allow.

Varric's spirits had lifted when he spotted Skyhold and he was almost fully awake as they rode across the bridge and into the courtyard. Almost immediately he heard Cassandra's voice calling out his name and he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face as he saw her hurrying down the steps to rush over to him. He quickly dismounted and turned just in time to catch her in his arms. "Oof!" he laughed. "Did you miss me that much, Seeker?" he teased her, but couldn't get the smile off of his own face as he looked up at her. She looked like she hadn't slept the entire time they were gone. She looked about as good as he felt.

"Yes," she answered, unashamed. "I missed you. It is all your fault. You made me grow used to you in my bed at night. I couldn't sleep without you there." She prayed silently, thanking the Maker over and over that Varric had returned safe and sound. It felt so good to have him in her arms again. She managed to pull back just long enough to look in his eyes before she threw caution to the wind and kissed him passionately, right there in the courtyard, without concern to anyone who might see them.

Varric started, his eyes widening in surprise for a moment before he smiled into the kiss and pulled her securely against him as he kissed her back, pouring everything into the it. Every restless night, every thought about her he had wondering what she had been doing, how many dummies she had broken. Everything. He had missed her. Vaguely, he heard whistling that sounded like Iron Bull and he shifted the Seeker in his arms so he could properly flip the man off without breaking his lips from Cassandra's.

Cassandra ignored the roar of laughter she heard from Bull, but smirked slightly when she heard Dorian's voice start to scold the Qunari. She finally broke the kiss, but continued to hold onto him, resting her forehead against his. Everything felt right again now that he was in her arms. "Are you alright?" she asked as she finally looked him over. He seemed unharmed, but he looked as tired as she felt.

He smiled up at her. "Oh you know, a few new cuts and bruises, but nothing I won't die from. Chuckles though, had to keep poking me awake on the way back. What I need now is a hot meal and an entire night's worth of sleep and I should be as good as golden." He turned them, his hand on her back, to lead them towards the Great Hall. His voice dropped down, "To be honest, I didn't sleep well. Kept wondering what you were doing, if you were reading the stories. I missed telling them."

"I did read them," she answered as they climbed the stairs. "Many times. It… was the only thing that kept me sane. Well, your stories and Dorian." They sat at one of the tables in the Great Hall so he could eat something before they went to lay down. She rested her elbows on the table and propped her hands under her chin, watching him with a dreamy expression on her face.

"You and Sparkler, huh?" Varric said as he thanked the kitchen staff that brought him over a steaming bowl of hearty stew. It could have been anything at that point as long as it was hot. The first bite was heaven as it warmed him from the inside out. The cold from the journey was starting to melt away, "You two in bed with each other again?"

Cassandra cleared her throat, her cheeks feeling a little hot. "He missed Bull," she answered simply as she looked over at the stained glass windows behind the Inquisitor's throne. She covered her mouth as she yawned before speaking again. "Dorian is not so bad. He did keep me company while you were gone. Or I him. Not certain which at this point."

He chuckled, pausing his meal to stifle a yawn of his own. "I'm glad the two of you were able to keep each other company. I was surprised how long the trip seemed to take." He looked at her, studying her face, drinking in the healthy blush on her cheeks. "Seems you've ruined me, Seeker. Just fine on my own and then you had to come along, didn't you?" he teased as he finished his bowl and pushed it away with a groan, "Ugh, remind me, what was the next thing on my list of todos?"

"Sleep," she answered quickly and got up. She placed her hand on his shoulder and steered him towards the proper door that would lead to their room. Her room, she corrected herself, but a smile flicked across her lips at the thought of it being their room. She quietly shut the door behind them and toyed with the idea of changing into something more comfortable to sleep, but there wasn't exactly a private place to change in front of him. She sat on the bed and pulled off her boots. "I don't care how early it is. We both need sleep."

"For once, Seeker, I think we agree on something," Varric murmured as he started shedding his layers, taking off his crossbow, duster, and his tunic before sitting down on the bed to take off his boots. "If you'll allow me to make it up to you, I'd rather read the story in the morning. Pretty sure anything I can think up right now my be a little delirious from the lack of sleep." He turned to look over at her, blinking at her state of dress. "You aren't changing? Usually you're in your bed clothes before I come in. I can turn away, if you want."

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "So the dwarf _can_ be a gentleman," she teased and got up again. She went to the dresser and withdrew the white shift she usually slept in. A glance over at the bed told her that he had his head turned away and she stripped off her clothes, pausing to fold them and set them on the dresser neatly before she pulled the shift over her head, sighing at how much more comfortable it was.

Varric wasn't entirely a gentleman, his curiosity got the better of him and he turned his head slightly, his eye catching sight at the expanse of golden skin of her back. A few scars marring the otherwise flawless skin. He swallowed hard before he turned his gaze away, the image burned firmly into his mind. Maker, what had he gotten himself into? This was different than the other times he had been coming into her room to sleep. He always came in after she was ready to climb into bed, if she hadn't already. He would always work on a story or letters and crawl into bed well after she was asleep. This was different.

Cassandra sighed as she finally crawled into bed next to him and curled up on her side, staring at him. She carefully reached out and brushed her fingertips across his chin, turning his face towards her. "I'm glad you are back," she said softly before she planted a long, soft kiss on lips. "I can't wait to hear the story you came up with while you were gone. The baby will like to hear it, too."

Varric chuckled and tugged her closer before he tucked her against his side and he turned his face into her hair. "You know, Seeker, I'm starting to think you having this baby is just a ruse so you can get more stories out of me to feed your insatiable appetite for them. But I digress, I have many more stories from that little venture and I need willing ears to help me get them ready for public." He smiled against her, feeling sleep tugging at him already. "I should be scared at how familiar this all is, that I could even become so familiar with you that this is the only way I'll get a good night's rest."

"I know what you mean," she said, melting at the feel of his strong arm around her. There was no use fighting the smile on her face as she closed her eyes. "If I wanted to get more stories out of you, I would find a better way than to do this to myself. You would be dragged in against your will, I would yell, and books would be stabbed." She slid her hand across his chest, hugging him slightly. "Goodnight, Varric."

He couldn't stop the laughter that passed his lips and he closed his eyes, "Goodnight, Seeker."

* * *

As always, Cassandra was the first to awaken the next morning. Oh, it felt so good to sleep through the whole night. The very first rays of sunlight crept into the room, lighting it just enough to wake her. She felt Varric's strong form against her back; apparently they'd moved in their sleep and he'd ended up with his chest against her back, his arm draped over her. She gasped when she felt his hand brush against her breast and for a moment she thought to smack him, but realized he was still asleep. It hadn't been intentional.

She bit her bottom lip and tried to control her breathing. That simple, accidental touch had seemed to awaken her whole body. Again she wished that she could remember more from the night when their child had been conceived. Because now, her curiosity was getting to her. Then again, what was the worst that could happen? She was already pregnant.

She laid her arm over his and hugged it to her, his palm against her breast as she carefully pressed her hips back, trying to wake him. She nearly snorted in amusement when she heard a sleepy groan from him, the way he always groaned when it was time to wake up. Chills danced along her skin as she felt his breath on the back of her neck. "Varric, wake up," she whispered and carefully pressed herself back against his hips again.

Varric groaned again, flexing his fingers and curling in on the pillow he was wrapped around. "Seeker," he mumbled, his voice still thick with sleep. "We've been over this, I don't do morn-" He cut off as he suddenly realized he wasn't wrapped around a pillow, but Cassandra instead. Her body was pressed back against him and she was moving. His hand, which he had tightened, was cupping one of her breasts. The thin shirt she wore was hardly a barrier between them and he could feel her heat seeping into his hand. "Shit," he breathed and tried to extract himself from her, "I'm sorry."

She turned a bit so she could look in his eyes and grabbed his shoulder before he could roll away from her. "I'm not," she breathed and kissed him. Her heart fluttered when he didn't try to pull away further. Her hand curled around his bicep, her rear still pressed to his hips, and she drew her nails down his arm as a soft moan escaped her throat. Damn these pregnancy hormones. She wanted him and silently prayed that he wanted her, too. Something about his absence over the past few days made her long for him all the more. And now that he was back, she wanted to enjoy her time with him. She shifted her hips again and whined.

"Maker's breath, Cassandra," Varric breathed against her as she wiggled against him and of course his body responded in kind and he was unable to stop his hips from pressing forward, he length waking up in response to the firm body pressed against him and moving in that way. The thought that she wasn't wearing anything but that flimsy shirt and some small clo... oh. Oh no. He remembered the banter between her and Sera, where she brazenly announced that she didn't wear underpants when Sera had tried to guess the color of them. He swallowed hard and let go of her breast to skim down to her hips. Nope. Nothing. His cock grew harder at the thought and he pressed his face to the back of her neck, "You really want to do this Seeker? We see how well it turned out the last time." He didn't know if he could control himself if she said no.

"It's a little late for that," she reminded him. She trembled as she felt his hard length press up against her, his hand skimming down her side. She kissed him, licking at his mouth, her confidence growing. She moved her hips again, feeling the wetness between her legs. She ached for his touch, longed to feel his hands all over her just the way he described in his romance novels. "Unless you do not want to," she panted, dragging her nails down his strong bicep again. "I… I will understand."

"A little late for that," he echoed her and he groaned as he gave into her demands. His demands as well, if his body were anything to go by. He slipped his hand underneath her night shirt, pushing it up to expose her breasts to the room before he cupped the firm flesh, kneading it between his fingers as he lowered his mouth to her neck, suckling at the sweet flesh he found there as he thrust his hips up against her backside. He groaned, that felt too good and he did it again. Her energy was contagious and he had to have more. Now that he was sober, he wanted to remember it.

With great effort he pulled away from her and sat up, reaching down to her to pull off the shirt completely before he sat back on his heels to admire her form. The sleepy, yet lustful expression on her face, down to her pert breasts, to the swell of her belly where their child was growing, and on down to the v of her legs. Her long long legs that just went on for miles. He groaned as he could see her center already glistening for him. "You are going to be the death of me," he muttered as he shifted and tugged off his pants and smalls, tossing them off to the side and he knelt before her, watching her gaze rake over him.

Her breath was stolen away as she drank in the vision of his stout, nude form. He looked like perfection, his broad shoulders, muscular chest. She wondered if she'd taken the time to appreciate any of it that first night they were together. Her eyes drifted lower and she tried to swallow a whimper at the sight of his hard, thick length. The urge to touch him, to wrap her hand around him, was too strong to fight. She carefully reached for him, her fingertips brushing over his hip, trailing slowly down the line there. Her eyes flicked to his, watching his reaction, trying to read him.

Varric couldn't stop the shudder that went down his spine at her touch, and he looked up at her as she continued with her gentle exploration of him. He scooted forward, reaching out to touch the gentle swell of her body, stroking at it reverently before he let his hand dip lower to brush over the damp curls between her legs. The corner of his lips curled upward at the gasp that he drew out of her. He briefly wondered how to do this with her being in the state that she was. He didn't want to hurt her or the baby.

Cassandra writhed against his touch, her body searching for more. She let her own hand drift lower, lightly caressing the soft orbs beneath his shaft before she drew her fingers up his length. The corner of her mouth twitched as he hissed and she wrapped her hand around him, stroking him slowly. She stopped when she saw the look in his eyes, the uncertainty there. "Varric? Is something wrong?"

He sucked in a breath as her fingers skimmed over him, holding him almost like she would one of her swords. He would have chuckled at the analogy, but desire kept him more grounded. He smiled at her and leaned over, tilting her chin up so he could claim a deep kiss, drinking from her a moment before he pulled back. "Not at all," he breathed. "Roll onto your side, Cassandra."

She shivered at the soft command, and stroked him a few more times before she moved as he asked. The blood raced through her veins, her heart pounding in her chest. Longing and anticipation coursed through her body. Her center ached and her breasts almost felt as if they were swelling, aching for his touch. "Please, Varric," she begged.

"Shhh," he said as he moved behind her, slipping one arm under her head he used it to angle her chin, so he could kiss her deeply over her shoulder. "I've got you," he promised as his other hand skimmed down to her leg, moving to lift it, "Hold this just for a moment."

There was something about the words he said, they way he said it, that made the Seeker feel like she was falling. Her heart melted at the assurance, the affection in his voice. She was still swooning when he spoke again, lifting her leg, that she barely registered what he said. She bit her lip and complied, wondering what he was planning. She kissed him again, loving the way his scratchy chin scraped over the skin on her shoulder. If he kept sweet-talking her, she thought she might lose it.

Varric felt her take over her leg and he let go, slipping his hand down between her thighs and he caressed her slick lips, pausing to push a finger inside of her while he rubbed at her clit. "Maker, you are so wet," he breathed against her before he pulled away to grasp his length and he moved carefully, pressing his broad head to her entrance. He took over holding her leg at the knee as he slid inside her tight heat with a groan, "Oh, Cassandra." He turned his head and kissed her again, slipping his tongue inside her mouth and drinking her down.

She moaned loudly against the kiss as he finally filled her body. She kissed him furiously, sliding her tongue along his, loving every single inch of his cock that pressed into her core. He was so incredibly thick, stretching her body, and he pressed deeper into her than she would've expected. Her name on his lips sent a chill down her spine and she couldn't stop herself from shivering. She clenched around him, carefully pressing back against him until she'd taken him to the hilt. "Varric," she gasped, her voice high-pitched and needful before she claimed another kiss from him.

"That's it," he breathed against her as he tentatively thrust his hips against her, groaning at the slick slide out of her body before he pressed back in again. "Good?" he asked against her lips, smiling at her nod and he began with earnest. This was better. Better than any drunken fumbling that they wouldn't remember the morning after. He wanted to remember this. Every detail. To have something normal before once again, his life would be tipped upside down. Though, he had to admit, he was starting to look forward to their child more and more with each passing day. He moaned against Cassandra as she squeezed down on him, "Maker, yes. Do that again."

She followed his command, squeezing her body around his length as he slid into her again and again. The physical pleasure was beyond measure, but the way he kissed her, held her, making sure she was comfortable made her heart skip and pound away in her chest. She slid one arm back to curl around his waist, pulling him tighter against her body and the other went to his hand under her head, tangling her fingers with his. Her eyes fluttered shut; there was something about holding his hand as he made love to her that felt incredibly intimate. "You're incredible," she breathed and kissed at his jaw as she moved to meet his thrusts. "You never cease to amaze me, Varric."

Despite himself, he smiled against her. He was becoming addicted to the little gestures, the small kisses and the gentle touches from her. It filled his heart in a way he had never felt before and he kissed her passionately again. "Probably because you are rubbing off on me, in all the best ways." He moaned softly against her as he increased his pace. It was so much, the pleasure, the sheer intimacy of their joining. He knew their first time together hadn't been a thing like this. He would have made damn sure to remember it if it had been.

"Come for me, Cassandra." That was her undoing, the way he said it so softly. Lovingly, almost. She clung tighter to his hand as her body responded to him, tightening around his deliciously hard length as he rocked faster into her. "Varric," she cried, her face still turned towards him, resting her forehead against his. "Come with me?" she asked as her body tensed, waves of pleasure washing over her.

Her soft pleading was his own undoing and he buried himself deeply inside of her as he came with a cry, emptying himself into her as her body twitched around him with her own orgasm. He held her securely until they were both boneless against each other and he carefully slipped out of her as he lowered her leg back to the bed so he could curl more comfortably around her. "Mmm, I think I could die happy now."

Cassandra let her eyes fall closed, relishing in the feel of him holding her. It wasn't enough. She turned in his arms to wrap her own around him and snuggled under his chin, breathing in his scent. "That was perfect," she whispered against his chest as she slid one of her legs to rest between his. She didn't know what would happen next, where they would go from here, and she didn't want to think about it. It scared her. Because she knew she was falling hard and fast for him. She lightly traced the muscles of his back with her fingertips as she pressed herself against him, holding onto him as if she could just make the outside world disappear as long as they were like this.

She jumped when she heard a knock at the door and she grabbed the blankets, pulling them up around them. "Cassandra?" she heard Josephine's voice call out to her. "Is Varric with you?"

"Yes," she called back quickly, "Just a moment, Josephine!" She swore under her breath and gave Varric a sorry look. "We will never have a quiet moment around here, will we?"

Varric chuckled and pulled the covers up over their heads. "Come on, maybe if we just hide in here, they won't find us. See? This is why you have to think up stories, Seeker." He flipped back the blanket and called out to the Ambassador, "Nobody's home! Come back later!"

Cassandra could hear Josephine's huff through the door. "Varric, that's not funny!" she protested. "This is important! There is someone waiting to speak to you and she's not taking no for an answer!"

In an instant, all humor was wiped from his face and he sat up as his mind processed what Josephine said. "Shit!" he grit out, "Shit, shit, shit." He spat as he moved, reluctantly letting go of Cassandra and he fumbled around for his pants, quickly pulling them on before he turned back to Cassandra, he knew with a sad expression on his face. He quickly walked over to her side of the bed and gave her a sad smile, "I have to go deal with this."

For a moment, she thought he was just upset with having to leave her, but there was something more in his expression. He was sorry, it seemed. What he had to deal with, she didn't know, but it was as if he already knew who Josephine spoke of. She gave him a nod and leaned over to kiss him quickly. "Come find me when you're done?"

He smiled at her and ran a hand over her hair a moment before he leaned in and kissed her again. "If I'm still alive." He stood back and grabbed his shirt off of the chair, pausing to point at her, "You, breakfast and your potions." Then he gave her a wink before he moved to the door and slipped out.


	14. Chapter 14

Josephine walked quickly beside Varric, leading him back towards the Great Hall. She felt decidedly uncomfortable. "I am sorry I had to wake you," she apologized. "I tried to explain that you were probably not up yet, but she wouldn't hear it." She paused when they reached the door to the hall and turned to look at him. "Your visitor is waiting for you."

"Yeah, I'll bet she didn't," he muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks, Ruffles." He didn't want to do this. He thought he had made that much clear when he had written his letter. Though, this explained why she hadn't responded to him. He found her standing near his usual haunt by the fireplace. "Bianca."

She turned to him, her lips pressed thin. "Varric," she answered frostily. She reached into her pocket and withdrew a piece of folded up parchment, which looked as though it had been folded and unfolded several times over. As if she'd read it a million times. "What is this?" she hissed, waving it at him. "This is how you tell me all of this? In a letter?!"

"How else was I supposed to tell you? I can't exactly leave this place whenever I want to go chasing after you. Not to mention the people who don't want me to chase after you in the first place. You know, like your family," he said as he crossed his arms, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Besides, I thought the letter was perfectly clear."

"Oh yes, it's clear alright," she answered. "Perfectly clear about why you don't want to see me again. What I don't understand is how. How could you do this? You're… you're having a baby? With a human?!"

Sera looked up quickly at that, holding a hand out to hush Dorian. They sat at a table across the hall with the Inquisitor, enjoying their breakfast and making plans for the next mission, which Sera insisted needed a beehive, three stuffed nugs from Krem, a trebuchet, and no less than twenty-six jars of lard.

But the mission was forgotten to her for the moment as she narrowed her eyes and stared at the dwarf engaged in a loud conversation with Varric. Her hand reached back to brush over the fletchings of her arrows. "If she's here to start the shit with him…"

"Easy, Sera," the Inquisitor said in a hushed voice. "Don't interrupt. Yet." Though she watched them intently, too. She hadn't forgotten the meeting with Bianca, how hurt Varric had been by that. She wasn't about to let him get hurt again if she could help it, but she didn't want to overstep her bounds with her friend either.

Dorian looked over to where Varric stood with Bianca; he had only met her briefly when the Inquisitor dragged him along with Bull to help with the little mission. He narrowed his eyes at the dwarf yelling at Varric. He had half a mind to go get Cassandra right that very moment and he moved to stand up. "Inquisitor, I find myself in need of leave from this meeting."

"Dorian," she said in a warning tone, "I don't like her either. But let's let Varric handle this. Unless she gets out of control." She sighed at the look in his eyes and waved him on, then turned her head to watch the dwarves again. Varric had had enough stress in his life as it was lately. He didn't need more. And she was acutely aware of Mother Giselle's presence as she lingered in the Great Hall, pretending not to be interested in the ensuing argument.

Dorian snorted and turned away, heading towards Cassandra's new quarters. "I'll be damned if I let her miss out on this. Not when he needs her," he muttered and he disappeared through a door to retrieve the Seeker. As her friend, at least he considered her as such, he could do no less.

"Bianca, let's not get into that argument. I think I could win on the 'how could you do this.' It doesn't matter how, it's happening. I need to do this and as much as it pains me to say, I can't have this with you while I'm with her. I won't do that to her." He knew how painful that could be. First hand. "What else was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to tell you that this, what we have between us wasn't enough any more? It wasn't enough since the day you left me standing alone at the altar. Figure of speech. You married what's-his-name because you he could give you more opportunities than I could, yet you still wanted me on the side."

Bianca gasped, hurt. "That's not how it went and you know it! I married him because my family pushed me into it! They would've come after you if I didn't keep you at a distance! I didn't want to see that happen to you. And now you're just, what? Moving on with your life, just done with me? Don't do this to us!"

"Bianca, every time I see you they come after me. I've been able to handle whatever they think to throw at me thus far. I could have protected us if you wanted to marry, to run away and get out from all of this. I could have, you knew it and you chose to ignore it. Can you really blame me for finding happiness elsewhere? I tried to stop it from happening, I really did, but I feel whole with this woman. I can't leave her now."

"With her?!" Bianca gasped, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. She unfolded the letter and scanned it again as if to reassure herself. "But you didn't say anything about being with her in your letter! You just said that she got pregnant and that you were going to stay and take care of the kid. You made it sound like a one-night-stand gone wrong! Are you… are you in love with her?" she demanded in a soft, hurt tone.

"Things change, you know that better than anyone. It was just a one-night-stand, but I want to do this right. If I am going to commit to this, I need to commit to her. I don't know where things are between us, but…" He drifted off and closed his eyes, looking away from the other dwarf, "I could love her. I want to find out." He looked back at her, "I offered you a chance to escape with me and if I recall correctly, you turned me down and went after what's his face because he could give you more than I ever could."

"That doesn't mean I stopped caring about you," she answered. "I never thought… You, a father? And with a human. Maker's breath." She shook her head again and covered her eyes with her hand for a moment. "So, what? You're doing the noble thing, doting on her because she managed to get pregnant? You don't have to do that. Since when do you deal with your problems, anyway?"

She might as well have slapped him. "Hey, I didn't stop caring for you either, but this arrangement isn't fair. For either of us. Maybe I would have been content to just sit around, waiting for the next letter to know when it'd be acceptable to come see you, but things changed. It's not just because she is pregnant. Yeah, that may have put the idea in my head, but it's not what's keeping me there. You have a husband, Bianca. You can choose to be happy with him, have children of your own, live your life, become a paragon. Whatever you like. You chose that. Isn't it only fair that I get a say in my own life?"

"Of course it is! That's part of why I'm so upset. It's like you've just given up control over your own choices, doing whatever it is people think you should do by staying here with her. Maker, did she trick you into this?" she demanded. "Are you even sure it's yours? And just because I'm married doesn't mean I cut you out of my life completely. I still met up with you whenever I could manage it. Why can't you do the same for me? Let me guess, she threw a fit about it. Oh Varric, did you end up with one of those women?"

"Hey! You don't get to talk about her that way. You don't know a damned thing about her. And you know me well enough that I didn't give up shit. There was a choice to be made and I made it. I care for you Bianca, that hasn't changed, but I can't do this," he gestured between them, "anymore. Being with her has shown me what I could have and Maker help me, I want it."

"You think I can be replaced so easily? She'll never care about you like I do, Varric. She's a human. You know how they are, how they treat other races. She won't make you happy because she's not me. Deny it all you want. And if she does stay? It's probably because she only wants your money," she spat viciously. "Humans don't care about anyone but themselves."

"She has given up everything for the Inquisition! She's not going to leave because she's pregnant." He squeezed his eyes shut and then looked to her, "She's not like you. She's devoted her life to this inquisition. She's honest and she hasn't lied to me. You endangered the entire world after I told you to NOT tell anyone about the lyrium. You lied to me about it! She puts everyone before herself and no one seems to care about her. She deserves more. From me, from her friends, from everyone. I have to do this, Bianca. She hasn't lied to me yet. She deserves better."

Fury flashed in Bianca's eyes as he listed off all the ways this human woman was better than she herself was. She felt her arm tremble for a split second before she lashed out and slapped him across the face with a SMACK that seemed to echo throughout the now-silent hall.

"How DARE you?!" Cassandra stood in the open doorway with Dorian behind her, peering over her shoulder. She hadn't heard a word of the conversation between them, but had walked in just in time to see the female dwarf slap Varric. She stormed forward, her eyes blazing. "Don't you ever put your hands on him again! Who the hell are you?!" she demanded, making a beeline for Bianca.

Dorian rushed forward, grabbing hold of Cassandra. "Varric!" he grit out, struggling to keep a hold on her, "This is mostly what I was thinking would happen once I got her, but I really think that she's going to maim Bianca if I let go of her."

Varric held a hand up to his cheek, it stung from Bianca's slap, but nothing he couldn't handle. "Bianca, go back to what's his name. I gave you a chance. I asked you, begged you to come away with me, but you turned me down. I couldn't give you what you wanted so you married the man who could."

Cassandra froze as the name met her ears. "That's Bianca?" she gasped, look of surprise on her face before a fresh wave of anger coursed through her. "Get off me, Dorian!" she barked and drove her elbow into his stomach, doubling him over, and she stepped out of his reach. She glanced around and spotted Cullen, who had come into the hall to see what all the ruckus was about. "Cullen, give me your sword!"

"Cassandra, NO," he said and stepped back, gripping the hilt of his sword tightly.

Bianca looked truly frightened then. This was obviously Varric's new woman, and she looked fierce. For a moment, she was tempted to continue her argument with Varric, but thought better of it and the words died in her throat. "See you, Varric. I hope you're happy," she said quickly and hurried out of the hall, anxious to get away from that place.

Cassandra gave up trying to wrestle Cullen's sword from his hand and turned to see Bianca scurry out of the hall. "What was she doing here?" she demanded.

Varric rubbed at his eyes, turning back to the others. Dorian was still rubbing his stomach where Cassandra had hit him. Cullen was guarding his sword, and everyone else was watching them with caution. He sighed and looked at the Seeker, "Cassandra, she was here because I wrote to her. I told her it was over between us. I wasn't going to have a child, a relationship with you, and still have her."

She blinked at him. "You… you did?" she asked. She wasn't sure what she thought about that, what she was supposed to feel. Part of her felt excitement that he'd finally ended things with Bianca. And another part of her worried at the pain she could see in his face. Obviously Bianca had come to try to talk him out of it. She crossed the hall to him and gently touched his jaw, tipping his face towards the light so she could see the red mark on his cheek. "And?" she asked softly. "You are not second guessing that decision, are you?"

Varric winced as she touched the tender area on his cheek. "I think we can all agree that I wouldn't have gone through with that if I were second guessing myself," he said as he reached up and cupped her hand against him. "I wouldn't second guess this. Though, I think Dorian is second guessing about going up to get you for this. You okay there, Sparkler?"

"Never better," he gasped as he rubbed his stomach, "Just remind me to never try and restrain her again."

The Inquisitor sat with her arms folded over her chest, her legs crossed and her foot bouncing as a smirk pulled at her lips. "I warned you, Dorian."

"Good on you, Varric," Sera said loudly as she got to her feet. "You want me to pop an arrow in her ass for good measure? I bet if I run up to Cullen's office, I could still do it. Good aim from up there."

"Sera, no," Cullen groaned and moved to sit at the table with the Inquisitor. "Maker's breath. Some days I feel as if I am babysitting instead of managing an army."

Cassandra wasn't paying attention to any of them. She soothed her thumb over Varric's cheek, still angry with the woman who had slapped him. "She is lucky I did not get a hold of her," she growled protectively.

"Seeker, let it go. It's done now," He sighed and looked around at the small audience that they had and he muttered, "This is not how I pictured this day going."

Cassandra bristled at that. "I will not just let it go," she said, emphasizing his own words. "She hit you. Not that it was very hard, but that was completely disrespectful on her part. Am I not allowed to be protective of my… my…" She stumbled over her words. What was he to her now anyway? Her father's child? No, he was more than that now, but her mind drew a blank. "...of you?"

Varric would have chuckled at the situation, had he not been trying to answer that very same question himself. What was Cassandra to him now? So much more than he had ever thought possible. He offered a smile, "I don't think I could stop you if I wanted to. Trust me on this one, though. I know. A difficult thing for me to ask of you, but please. Just let it go. She isn't worth us worrying over. We have bigger things to focus on."

Cassandra scowled and opened her mouth to protest, but the Inquisitor cut across her before she could speak.

"You know, Cassandra, maybe you need to get out of Skyhold for a little bit," she suggested from her place at the table. "You've been cooped up here for so long, it might do you some good to get out, get some fresh air. Solas has asked to go to the Storm Coast. He wants to look for some elven artifacts there. Care to join us?"

Cassandra thought about it for a moment. "It would be nice to have a change of scenery," she admitted. She looked at Varric, debating for a moment. He'd just gotten back from the last mission. She didn't know if she wanted to go running off so soon.

"Come on, one last hurrah before you're too pregnant to get on a horse," the Inquisitor teased. "You, me, Solas, and Dorian. Just for a couple days."

"Am I the only one who thinks this is a bad idea?" Varric asked. "The Storm Coast isn't exactly a walk in the park, Inquisitor. Not too mention, we just got back from a mission yesterday!" he said, running a hand through his hair, "Maker's breath, I'm not going to get any sleep if you take off."

The Inquisitor laughed. "Relax, Varric, I'm not taking her out this afternoon. We can leave in a few days. Solas can be patient enough for that. Like I said, it's not a big deal, just a quick easy mission. We shouldn't be gone more than a couple of days. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Okay, first of all, you know I'm a writer. Anytime anyone ever says those damned words, in that exact ordering, the worst happens!" He looked at Cassandra, "You can't go now. The Inquisitor has already ruined it. You go and I won't sleep until I know you are safely back here." He looked back at the Inquisitor, "Unless I come along with you all. I suppose I could stand it then."

The Inquisitor gave him a smile. "You're always welcome to come with us, Varric."

Josephine cleared her throat and shot the Inquisitor a look. "Varric, may I speak with you? Privately?" she asked. She waved for him to follow her and she stepped through the first door that led to her office. She kept her composure until he shut the door behind them, then she wheeled around to face him. "You can't go with them!" she hissed. "This is our chance to really surprise Cassandra! Finish setting up the room, maybe even plan a nice brunch with gifts for her!"

Varric pinched the bridge of his nose then. Nope, this morning was not what he had expected at all. "Ruffles, while I can't deny the idea is appealing, I'd rather not just let her wander off to the Storm Coast. I mean, yes I trust the Inquisitor and the others to look after her, but if there's anything I know, it's that unexpected shit happens." Though, he thought, it would be nice to see the look on her face when she returned to Skyhold. It would be nice to just celebrate the life that would be born to them.

Josephine could practically see the debate going on in his head. "Oh, come on, Varric!" she pleaded, actually clutching her writing board and bouncing on her toes. "I want your input on all of it. Besides, that way you get to take partial credit for it, too. We have to do this and soon. My office is filling up with packages from Val Royeaux; I need to give her these gifts before I burst! And if we don't do it at a party in front of other people, I'm afraid she won't accept them."

"Ruffles, you really need to stop reading those catalogs they keep sending you." He worked his lip between his teeth as he thought about everything, the pros and cons. He sighed, "Alright. I can't believe I'm agreeing to this, but alright." He shook his head, there was still that nagging feeling picking at him, but he brushed it aside and went back out to the Great Hall. "Alright, I'll stay. Sparkler, you'd better be watching her for me."

Dorian laughed, "She's a strong and very capable woman, but I will make sure she doesn't take any unneeded risks." He smiled over at Cassandra, giving her a wink.

She snorted at him. "As long as you do not try to restrain me, we will be good."


	15. Chapter 15

This chapter may be viewed as violent and very upsetting. Contains character death.

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Cassandra laid back in the bed, a soft smile on her lips as she listened to Varric read his most recent story. He'd stretched out on the bed, flat on his chest, his face near the swell of her belly. She couldn't stop herself from reaching over from time to time to run her fingers through his hair. While she knew there were still many things to deal with in Thedas, at least in this room she could find a moment's peace. Her own little Haven where nothing existed but her and Varric. She jumped suddenly at the feel of the strangest sensation in her belly. Her hands flew to her stomach, her eyes wide as she gently pressed against it. She gasped when she felt the little thud against her hand. "Varric!" she cried excitedly and grabbed his wrist, placing his hand on her belly and pushing down slightly. She seemed to hold her breath as she waited to feel it again.

Varric paused mid-sentence when Cassandra grabbed his hand and he turned his head to look at her before he looked at where she pressed his hand. He smiled at the contrast between his hand and hers. "Don't tell me I'm boring the baby and you can feel it snor-" He stopped as he felt it, the little bump against his hand and his eyebrows shot up and he looked at the Seeker excitedly. "It just kicked!" A big smile spread across his face and he held still, waiting to feel it again. A happiness spread through him as he felt it again. "Active little tyke. Must have set up a training dummy in there so it could practice that sword swing."

Cassandra laughed at that, her hand still on top of Varric's. She loved the way his eyes lit up, the feel of the baby moving in her stomach. It was the oddest and most wonderful sensation in the world. And it made her incredibly happy. She waited another minute or two, but the baby seemed to settle down and she finally sighed, "I suppose I should get ready to go." The sun was finally high enough in the sky that she couldn't put off getting out of bed any longer.

She moved slowly as she got dressed, not wanting to separate from Varric just yet. "I hope Solas finds what he's looking for quickly. Going out will be nice, but I'm afraid you have spoiled me. I… will miss you while I am away."

"You and me both Seeker," he said as he pushed himself up, marking the place in the book before he closed it and set it on top of her pack. He walked over to her and drew her into his arms. "Just, you know, be safe out there. You know better than most that shit gets weird when you least expect it. Promise me you'll be safe, the both of you," he said as he held his hand over her belly before he looked up into her eyes. He reached up to cup her cheek, dragging his thumb over the scar there. "Or you know, we could just climb back into bed and pretend that we're not here. That's always my favorite."

"You saw how well that worked the other day," she said flatly. "And Josephine is the politest person here. If the others came looking for us, they would kick down the door and drag us out." She leaned her face into his touch as she looked down at him, losing herself in his eyes. "I will be careful," she promised. "Things should go smoothly. Solas keeps a level head and Dorian won't go looking for a fight. It is not as if we are taking Sera or Bull out this time. I will come back to you, safe and sound." She leaned down slightly to kiss him, letting her lips linger on his for a moment before she finally had to break away. "I should be going."

He sighed against her and nodded, "Alright. Faster you go, the faster you can get back and we can hide away together." He reasoned as he went and opened the door for her, "I'm going to miss you, Cassandra. Hurry back."

* * *

Cassandra jumped as Dorian spoke her name loudly; she hadn't been paying attention to a word he said as they rode for the Storm Coast. She'd been lost in a daydream, thinking about that morning with Varric. It was all she could think about, especially now that the baby was kicking again. It would seem the little one didn't care much for horseback rides. She couldn't stop herself from smiling; she didn't care much for it either. "I'm sorry, Dorian, what were you saying?"

Dorian sighed and faked being hurt. "You know, I should be upset that I am being so blatantly ignored, but you have the most adorable look on your face I can't find it in me to be so. I was asking what has gotten you into such a fine mood, you haven't scowled once since you've gotten on your horse and that's usually the first thing you do. Did Varric give you a good send off?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"No," she growled at him, but blushed. She looked down at herself, resting a hand over her belly. "Not like you are thinking. I… felt the baby kick for the first time this morning. Varric got to feel it before I left." She couldn't help herself as another smile spread across her lips, reliving the moment all over again in her head. She looked up at him. "I am sorry, Dorian. I did not mean to ignore you."

"Worry not, I figured you were lost in your own little world. I'll probably do the same thing when we reach the coast, lest I have to think about all that water." He frowned and pressed his lips together, "Makes me sick just thinking about it."

"What? The churning waves as they unfold and crash relentlessly upon the shore?"

"Solas, you are not helping matters and I'll thank you to stop with the imagery! I've had more than enough to last me a lifetime, thank you."

"Must you antagonize him so, Solas?" the Inquisitor scolded, though an amused smile pulled at her lips.

"Oh, don't mind him, Inquisitor. He is probably still upset about the hobo comment I made earlier. Really, you must let me order you something from Val Royeaux. Or Antiva perhaps. That would be much better."

"Do speak up, I cannot hear you over your outfit."

Even Cassandra had to laugh at that, especially the pout on Dorian's face. She was still chuckling to herself as they reached the already established camp and began to dismount the horses. She groaned as she lifted herself out of the saddle and waved Dorian off as he made to help her down. "I can manage," she insisted, though she stumbled back as she lowered herself to the ground and he caught her anyway. She huffed and righted herself. She could hear the light roaring of the waves already and she thought to tease Dorian, but stopped herself when she saw the shade of green on his face.

"Alright, Solas, lead the way," the Inquisitor said as she turned to the elf.

Solas nodded, "According to my research, the location should not be far from here." He looked over to Cassandra. "Should we bring a horse though? Just in case you tire more quickly than you expect?"

"Ugh," she sighed disgustedly as she looked over at the horses tethered to the post. She wanted to decline, to say that she would be fine, but the back of her mind nagged at her that it might be best. "I suppose," she said flatly and grabbed the reins of one of the horses to lead it along with them. It rubbed its face on her shoulder and she huffed again. "Let's go before I change my mind."

Dorian chuckled. "Ah, making new friends I see," he said as he reached over and rubbed the horse's flank. "Growing up in Tevinter, learning to ride was one of my favorite things of my childhood. At least the horses were never trying to stab you in the back," he reasoned as they followed Solas over the uneven terrain.

"They are dung monsters with hooves," she grumbled. The horse snorted at her. "Oh don't act like you can understand me." She ignored the laughter from Dorian and the Inquisitor, concentrating instead on not tripping over the rocks of the shoreline. It did feel good to get out, to feel the fresh ocean breeze. But all she could think about was Varric back at Skyhold and how soon she would be able to return to him.

They'd walked for quite a while when it happened. Crashing footsteps that seemed to shake the ground drew their attention and Cassandra didn't even have time to turn to see what it was when the horse bolted, nearly pulling her arm out of socket as she tried to hold onto the reins. She fell to her knee with a cry, losing her grip on the animal, and cursed under her breath.

"Giant!" the Inquisitor screamed and drew her bow, turning towards the monstrous figure that stomped straight towards them.

Dorian cursed and drew his staff from his back, looking to Cassandra. "Are you alright?" he called out to her as he summoned up a barrier before he turned and cast an ice spell at the giant's feet, trying to slow the lumbering monster down.

Solas was running around, trying to draw the attention of the beast away from Cassandra and Dorian, his eyes widening as he saw it lurch forward, going for a larger boulder that was half buried in the ground. "Look out!" he cried and tried to bring it down with a veil strike, but it did little to stop the creature from throwing a boulder in his direction.

"I'm fine!" Cassandra answered Dorian and got to her feet, drawing her sword and shield. The boulder that hit the ground sent rocks spraying, she raised her shield to block them, but heard the Inquisitor cry out in pain. Of all damn things to happen. She lowered the shield enough to watch the Inquisitor gulp down a healing potion, then jump back into the fray. Cassandra drew a breath and set her face, twirling her sword once as her training took over. She roared back at the giant as it marched towards her and she deftly stepped out of its way, swinging around to land a blow on its leg with her sword. Adrenaline rushed through her system, her entire being hyper-aware of every move the lumbering beast made. They had to bring it down; there was little hope of her running away from it in her condition.

The giant stumbled to a knee and the Inquisitor loosed an arrow into its shoulder. In its anger, the giant slammed his fists on the ground, shaking the rocks beneath their feet, causing them all to stumble.

Solas grit his teeth, downing a health potion as he was caught by a rock flying through the air by the beast. He turned and opened a small rift on top of the giant in an attempt to slow it down, but it was relentless in its attacks against them. Mindlessly lost to its anger and need to destroy. They had to take out its knees so that Cassandra would have a clean shot at the neck.

The battle with the giant seemed to drag on and on, each of them wearing out as the beast refused to fall. They went through their healing potions faster than normal it seemed and for a moment, it seemed as if it was a hopeless task. Until, that is, the giant finally fell to its knees and Cassandra saw her opening. She lunged forward and swung her sword, a satisfied smirk on her lips as she hit her mark.

The giant roared in pain and threw its arm out at its attacker as it fell. Pain blinded Cassandra as the giant's hand slammed into her full-force and flung her into the air. Everything was a blur of color and sound. She couldn't think, couldn't see, and she landed with a scream chest-first in the rocks.

"Cassandra! NO!" Dorian cried as he watched her fall and he ran with the others, the dead giant all but forgotten as they raced to the downed warrior. The sight was horrifying, blood dripping from her lips, her nose. More than that, the way she had landed on the rocks. "Maker, no. Please no," he cried.

Solas reached her first and threw down his staff as he reached for her, sending a barrier around her to prevent any further harm as he gingerly turned her over. "Cassandra! Cassandra!" he cried, gently trying to shake her shoulders. "A potion! Someone give me a potion!" he shouted. He had used all of his.

The Inquisitor fumbled in her pockets, her hands shaking. "I'm out!" she wailed. "I must have used them all!"

Cassandra groaned, pain radiating through her whole body. But the worst was in her midsection. She thought she might be sick as she realized what had happened. Her belly contracted painfully and she cried out, her eyes stinging with tears of pain. She forced her hand to move, reaching for the case clipped to her belt. The same case of extra potions she'd sent with Varric on his last mission. He'd given it back to her that morning before she set out. A whimper escaped her as she unclipped the case. It was crushed, the potions dripping to the rocks. She angrily flung it away as she rolled to her side, her hands wrapping around her belly. "Help," she gasped.

Dorian felt his blood turn to ice when he saw Cassandra roll to her side. Between her legs, starting to drip onto the ground, was blood. "Solas. We need to get her back to the camp. Skyhold. Somewhere. She needs potions, she needs the healers."

The Inquisitor looked around frantically and saw the horse Cassandra had led standing near some trees. She ran for all she was worth and grabbed its reins, running back to them with it in tow. "Take her back to Skyhold!" she ordered. "Don't bother with the camp, she needs more than potions!"

Cassandra's head was dizzy, her breathing labored. Everything hurt. Everything. She gave a cry of horror as her stomach contracted again and a rush of blood spilled from her body, soaking through her breeches, splashing out over the rocks. "Maker, no. Please," she sobbed.

Dorian forced himself into action, "Solas, you are lighter than any of us. You take Cassandra and ride to Skyhold. You'll be faster. The Inquisitor and I will be right behind you." He breathed as he moved to pick up Cassandra in his arms, "Stay with me now."

Solas nodded and grabbed his staff before he hoisted himself up onto the horse, reaching down pull the broken warrior into his arms. He tucked her carefully against him before he reached around her and grabbed the reigns. "Stop at the camp, send word ahead, tell them to be ready," he said firmly before he turned the horse and urged it forward into a gallop.

Dorian looked down at the puddle of blood that had come from Cassandra and his gut lurched, his heart going out to his friend. He looked to the Inquisitor, feeling tears gathering into his eyes, "I'm afraid to say, but there's already been one casualty."

She shook her head fiercely, fighting the tears in her eyes. "Don't say that, Dorian. There's still a chance. If Solas can get her back to the healers in time…" She trailed off and swallowed harshly. "Varric will never forgive us for this."

* * *

Cassandra clung to Solas like a lifeline as they raced across the terrain. She felt as though she might pass out. She probably would have, had it not been for the painful contractions ripping through her body. She tensed and cried out every time it happened, tightening her arms around the elf. Her heart was sick. She never should have gone with them. What would she tell Varric? "He is going to kill me for this," she muttered deliriously.

Solas was riding faster than he could ever remember in his lifetime. That was a lot. The horse seemed to sense his urgency as well, for it had not tired yet. He swallowed, he could feel the blood from Cassandra dripping down onto the saddle and onto his leg. He tightened his hold around her as he heard her cries. "Hush, Cassandra. Varric will not. He is going to kill the rest of us for failing you," he said, with pain in his voice. He had failed. He had silently vowed to watch out for the woman and this had happened. If only he hadn't drunk that last potion, she could have had it and then there might have been a chance. As it was, he had no hope for the little one. "Stay awake, Cassandra. We're going to make it. You are going to make it. Stay with me."

Cassandra hid her face in his shirt, masking the tears that slipped from her eyes. She wanted to sleep. She wanted to make this all go away. She wanted to pretend she was back in her bed at Skyhold with Varric reading to her, his hand lightly rubbing her belly, telling the baby stories. She wanted to wake up and find that this was all a nightmare. But the pain was too great, too real.

The muted thundering of the horse's hooves turned to loud clopping as they finally reached the stone bridge of Skyhold late in the day. Cassandra was barely conscious, she'd lost so much blood already. She heard Solas shout for help and the next thing she knew, she found herself in strong arms and someone was running with her up the steps towards the infirmary.

"The fuck happened, Solas?" Bull demanded as he carried the Seeker and Solas ran beside him.

Solas knew he must look a mess, he was covered with Cassandra's blood, his pants were the worst. "A giant out on the Storm Coast. We ran out of potions fighting it and as it died, Cassandra took the last hit from it. She landed face down on the rocks."

Bull snorted angrily and gave Cassandra over to the healers before he and Solas were ushered out of the room. "I should have gone. Not her," he said, staring at the closed door. He could hear her crying out on the other side of the door. He'd never heard Cassandra like that before and it made him sick. He placed a hand on the door, his head slightly bowed. "We should tell Varric. He needs to be here."

Solas nodded as they turned towards the Great Hall. His ears were still ringing from the cries of the Seeker as they rode to Skyhold. It was going to take some time to work them out. As they walked up the steps, he thought of what he could say. There was little he could tell the dwarf, nothing that he wanted to hear. "Dorian and the Inquisitor were following behind me. They should be here when they can. I am not sure as to the pace with which they are riding."

They found Varric in his old room, scratching away at some parchment in front of him.

Bull knocked on the open door and stepped into the room without waiting for the dwarf to answer. "Varric," he said, keeping his voice calm. "You need to come with us. Cass is hurt."

Varric froze in his writings and his gaze shot up, eyes widening as he saw Bull, but more damning was Solas, covered in blood. He stood up so fast, his chair clattered to the ground. "What in the name of the Maker happened?! Where is she?" His mind was racing with questions. Like, how could she be alive if she'd lost that much blood? How did this happen when it was just supposed to be a quick and easy mission? What about his child? "You all were supposed to keep her safe!" he growled out as they hurried towards the infirmary.

He took off running when he passed the tavern. He skidded to a stop outside the door, his heart turning to stone as he heard the cries from inside. He couldn't wait and he flung the door open, "Cassandra!"

Cassandra's heart sank when she heard Varric's voice. She wasn't ready to face him yet. She lay on one of the beds, panting and crying as the healers around her worked quickly. Her face was still streaked with blood from her busted nose and lip. Her breeches had been stripped away and she was covered with a sheet, but her blood was already staining it. "Varric," she gasped weakly. "I'm sorry."

His heart clenched at how broken she sounded and he could guess why but he didn't want to face that. He spared a look at the healers gathered around her and he immediately went over to her side, grasping one of her bloodied hands and held it tightly. "Shhh," he said, feeling the tears gathering in his eyes as he brain processed the information unbidden by him. His voice cracked, "It's going to be alright." He reached up and brushed her hair back from her forehead. "Maker, Cassandra, don't leave me." _Be alright, please be alright._

Her eyelids dropped heavily, but she snapped them open again, struggling to hold onto consciousness. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but the words wouldn't come to her. She cried out as her body contracted again and she curled in on herself, gripping Varric's hand. She could feel parts of her body starting to mend as the healers worked. "Just save my baby," she ordered through clenched teeth. "Do not waste your time with me. Save my baby."

The two healers exchanged a sad look and one of them shook her head. "Lady Cassandra…" she started.

"I don't want to hear it!" she shouted before she sucked air through her teeth. It felt like her muscles were twisting, ripping, tearing her apart from the inside out. It couldn't be true. Her mind was in denial, the Maker would not let this happen to her. Not after everything she'd already been through. This was too much. Another sob of pain escaped her and had she not been so distraught, she would've been embarrassed to make such a pitiful noise.

Varric felt his world crashing down. Dead. His child was dead. Even now, Cassandra's body was going through some kind of labor to expel their child from her. He closed his eyes tightly, but the tears slipped down his cheeks any way. He knelt next to the bed, leaning over to press his forehead to hers, their hands still entwined tightly. "Stay with me, Cassandra. We're going to get through this. Just stay with me," he pleaded as he cried. His other hand was firmly in her hair, stroking it, trying to bring some level of comfort for her. It felt like his soul was broken.

The next hour passed in a blur for Cassandra as she fought against her body, trying to somehow will the baby to be okay. But before she knew it, before she could even comprehend what was happening to her, the babe was born and there was nothing for it at that point. Her child was gone. Their daughter was gone.

She didn't even recognize the wailing scream as her own voice. This wasn't real, it couldn't be real. She turned away from them all and curled in on herself, cursing the Maker for letting this happen to her as she cried and cried until she got sick.

Varric watched as the healers finished up, they wrapped his daughter in a white linen cloth and took it to the adjacent room, leaving him alone with Cassandra. He got up and went to the water basin, getting a clean cloth before he went over to Cassandra, gently turning her head and cleaning up the mess from her getting sick. He carefully wiped the blood from her face as well before he tossed the cloth away and he moved to sit on the bed, pulling her into his arms. He didn't know what to think, say, anything. There were no words for this tragedy.

Cassandra let him hold her as she cried. She'd never cried so hard in all her life. Her throat felt raw, her body empty. "I failed you," she sobbed, barely able to get the words out. There were so many emotions swirling through her that she couldn't seem to process a single one of them. Her head, her heart were nothing but a whirlwind and she longed to just sleep until it all went away. "I failed you," she repeated over and over between sobs.

Varric wasn't sure he trusted his own voice. "Saying that multiple times isn't going to make it true, Cassandra," his voice cracked and wavered. It was a new experience for him, to be so unsure of what to say next. There was nothing he could say that would make this better, make it alright, "You didn't fail me. You didn't. I wish I had gone, I should have been there for you. I could have done something." He felt sick then, remembering the party they had been planning for her. A baby shower, Josephine had called it.

Cassandra shook her head, clinging to him as she rocked back and forth and cried. It didn't matter what Varric said. Nothing mattered. Nothing existed, save for her grief. She couldn't breathe and she choked on her sobs, finally pushing away from him to lay down and suck in a breath. Her body was so sore, so torn up it seemed. So empty. "Leave me, Varric," she said weakly. She needed time in her own head, to wallow alone in her misery and process what had just happened to her.

"No," he said before he could even think about what was coming out of his mouth, "Never again." He moved to stand up, only to drag a chair over to the side of the bed where he sat down and leaned forward on his arms, pressing his face into his hands, "I'm here."


	16. Chapter 16

Word spread quickly through Skyhold, even before the Inquisitor and Dorian arrived back. Things like that always did in Skyhold, especially with everyone already buzzing about the Seeker's pregnancy as it was. But this time it was not spread with excitement, but shock and disbelief, sadness.

Josephine had been in her office, fussing over what to serve at the baby shower when the news reached her. She was horrified and shouted the courier out of her office before she locked the door and slid down it to sit and cry on the floor.

The Inquisitor and Dorian arrived back, both of them looking worried, their hair windswept from riding back so fast. They'd dismounted and ran for the infirmary where they knew Cassandra would be.

The Inquisitor drew up short when she saw Solas and Bull there with Cullen, all of them looking somber. "Cassandra? Is she?"

"She will be alright," Cullen told her.

"And the baby?"

He shook his head and looked away from her.

Her eyes welled with tears and she turned, stomping her foot. "DAMN." She pressed a shaking hand to her mouth, wondering how in the world she would face Varric or Cassandra after this. It had been her idea after all. "Should I speak to them? This is all my fault."

Dorian felt like a stone was just dropped into his stomach. He had known, of course, but he would be lying if he said he hadn't held out a small hope for some small miracle to happen. "Perhaps I should go in first, Inquisitor. If they kill me, I will not be missed as much as you will," he offered, running a hand through his windswept hair. He knew he had to look something awful.

Bull squeezed Dorian's shoulder comfortingly as the mage walked past.

Cassandra didn't even react when the door opened. She laid on her side, staring at nothing as tears slowly dripped from her bloodshot eyes. She felt numb. All she could do was relive those final moments with the giant over and over in her head. She was so stupid, so foolish for going on that mission. She never should have left Skyhold. She never should have left Varric's side. He hadn't left hers since she arrived back. She sniffled and licked her lips, but didn't move. She wasn't sobbing anymore. She just laid and stared, the tears running down her nose the whole time.

Varric looked up from his spot on the chair; he felt horrible. In more ways than one. He had lost part of his soul and the longer it went on with Cassandra not speaking, not moving, not doing anything, he felt like he was losing her as well. His lips pressed thin when he saw Dorian. He wasn't sure what he was thinking right now. "Sparkler," he said and his voice was gravely, lacking all of its usual mirth, "Whatever it is you've come to say, I don't think either of us want to hear the apologies."

"Does that mean they go unsaid? I won't be that person who just thinks that you know, but I know nothing I say is going to change anything. There are no words that can express how deeply sorry I am. For your loss, for failing to protect her."

"Don't," Varric said, his voice broken, "Just don't."

Dorian nodded and turned to go. "I'll have some food sent in, you both need your strength," he said before he left, closing the door behind him with a heavy sigh before looking at the others standing around. "Have the kitchens send some food. I don't think they'll eat it, but at least it will be there," he said wearily as he let his gaze fall to Bull.

Bull cleared his throat as he stood and put a heavy arm around Dorian's shoulders. "I think you could use a drink," he said, tugging at Dorian to walk beside him. "Inquisitor, Cullen, come on. Solas, you can join us after you get cleaned up if you want." His heart was heavy for Cassandra's and Varric's loss, but he knew they weren't the only ones who would hurt over this. "Don't blame yourself," he said in a low voice to Dorian. "No one is to blame here. It's one of those things that happens."

"It's a shitty thing to happen. They've been through enough as it is." He let Bull steer him towards the tavern. A drink sounded like just what he needed. He briefly wondered how many he would need to get Cassandra's pained, distressed cries out of his head.

"I know," Bull agreed as they walked into the tavern. The usual merry atmosphere was decidedly more somber. Apparently the news had traveled quickly through the place. Bull led them to the table where they would usually play cards and waved at the barmaid to bring them a round. "It's on my tab tonight," he said, doing the best he could to deal with this, to help the others deal with any guilt they felt.

A thundering on the stairs drew his attention. It was Sera, running to them. "'s not true, is it? Is it?!" she asked, but paled at Bull's nod. She took a step back, shaking her head angrily. "No. No! Just…" she grabbed at her hair, turning away from them, "PISS! Friggin' shit balls!" While she may have taken every opportunity to tease Varric and Cassandra, she never wanted something like this to happen. She huffed angrily and turned towards the table again. "I thought this was supposed to be an easy mission? I thought you were just walkin' about to look for some ancient elven whatever with Solas!"

"It was, until a giant thought to ruin our day and our lives. It was supposed to be…" Dorian trailed off, _'safe'_ hovering on the tip of his tongue, but he knew better. They all had known better. They had been pulled into a false sense of security, that nothing could go wrong where a baby was concerned and life had shown them all just how cruel it could be. "Vishante kaffas," he muttered and downed his drink when it came.

"Fuck this. I'm not drinkin' to this," Sera growled and stomped back up the stairs, slamming the door behind her. With as quiet as the tavern was that night, they could hear her banging around her room as she cursed loudly and heard the thunks of her arrows as she shot her door.

"Maker help them," Cullen prayed quietly, his head bowed slightly as he stared at the drink in his hands. He cleared his throat roughly. "They need our support now more than ever. Whatever they need from us, we will give it. We cannot let them fall to this."

Bull nodded and downed his drink in one. He watched Dorian carefully. He knew how close he and Cassandra had become lately. And he knew Dorian could take things to heart more than others.

"We should have some kind of place for them to bury their child," Dorian muttered, wiping at the tears that appeared at the thought. He had been looking forward to meeting the little one. He wasn't one for children, but he thought he could give it a try with Cassandra's baby. He would have called himself Uncle Dorian and stolen the kid just to spoil it and then give it back to the parents when it was all wound up. He pressed his lips thin and looked down at the table, "Perhaps in the gardens."

The Inquisitor nodded as she drew her finger around the rim of her drink. "That's a good idea, Dorian," she said softly. "I will speak to Josephine, see if we can't set something up for them tomorrow afternoon. We should all attend." She swallowed, tears brimming in her eyes.

"We'll be there," Bull promised. "We all will."

* * *

Blackwall shifted on his feet outside of the infirmary, carrying the items he had been working on since he heard the news. His eyes were bloodshot from crying, but the loss fueled him on like nothing else had. It was as if a fog had settled over Skyhold; there was no cheer. It was all quiet and somber. He closed his eyes a moment before he knocked on the door, shifting the items into one hand so he could then open the door. If Skyhold was depressing, this was the source. There was a heavy air in the room and he inclined his head to Varric, who was sitting on the bed next to Cassandra. "I am sorry to disturb you both. The news is devastating."

Cassandra didn't want to do this. She clasped her hands in her lap, staring at them. It was all so surreal. She'd let Varric help her get dressed that morning, moving mechanically, not speaking a word. She felt dead inside. She nodded her head at Blackwall's words, barely registering that he'd even spoken to her.

"They say they've picked out a beautiful spot in the gardens for her, and I..." he lowered his head and looked at the items in his hands, "There is no easy way to say this, but it has to be done. I crafted these for her when I heard the news. I hope they will be as good a place as any to rest her head." He set the little coffin and the grave marker down at the foot of the bed. "Just because she is gone doesn't mean that she will be forgotten. She was loved by everyone here and I know you two poured your very souls into her."

Varric blinked down at the foot of the bed, leaning forward as if in a haze and he picked up the marker. It was an intricate design of the Chantry symbol, with flowers and vines carved around it, curling with the symbol. It was beautiful, polished smooth until it shone like the finest metal. Tears came to his eyes and he gently handed it to Cassandra. He spied the box had the same symbols carved in it, more flowers and birds flying through them. "Thanks, Blackwall. Really." He swallowed harshly.

Blackwall nodded. "I'll leave you to it then. Take as much time as you need. We're all here for you," he promised before he left, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Varric let the tears slip down his face once Blackwall was gone and he looked over at Cassandra as she stared down at the carving.

A muscle worked in Cassandra's jaw as she stared at the carving, holding it tightly in her hands. It was beautiful, the wood smooth and warm to her touch. And she despised it. Her baby deserved no such thing. Her baby didn't deserve to die. Her baby should've still been with her. She moved slowly, carefully, as she set the marker on the bed before her. "I can't," she whispered, keeping her voice low so it wouldn't break when she spoke. "I cannot do this."

Varric moved an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. He lowered his head to hers, pressing his lips to her hair. Their hurt could probably move mountains at that moment. They were probably giving Cole a headache with it all. It was a hurt he couldn't fix. "I know, Cassandra. We don't have to say goodbye. Never." He ached and pulled her more firmly into his lap and wrapped his other arm around her as he looked sadly at the objects on the bed. "We shouldn't have to do this. No parent should bury their child," he said bitterly, "But I don't trust anyone else to do it. It has to be us."

She nodded and moved out of his lap. Her body still ached, but she was healed enough to stand on her own. She watched with hollow eyes as one of the healers brought out the tiny bundle of linen containing her baby and placed it carefully in the box Blackwall had made, then carefully fitted the lid on top. A lump formed in her throat as she picked up the box containing their daughter. The only thing she could think in that moment was how unfair it all was. "They're waiting for us."

Varric nodded and picked up the marker before he went and opened the door for her. The sunlight was bright that morning and he had to squint to see at first. It was too pretty a day for what they had to do. For the task ahead of them. Then again, if he was going to lay his daughter to rest, she deserved a day like this. "I've got you Cassandra," he said as he gently placed a hand on the small of her back.

Cassandra walked as if in a haze to the garden. It surprised her to see how many people had shown up to honor her child. The Inquisitor stood with the inner circle around a small hole in the ground. They stood shoulder to shoulder, providing Cassandra and Varric a small amount of privacy from the others who had gathered. She nearly faltered in her steps. This was too real. This hurt too much. She wanted to turn and run, to escape from it all and hide from the world. It was as if her mind were trying to shut itself down. The looks of sorrow and pity on her friends' faces was almost too much for her. Most of them had bloodshot eyes; Josephine was still crying.

She knelt next to the hole in the ground, staring at it as she clutched the box to her chest. Carrying her daughter one last time. Her throat constricted and her eyes teared again as a fresh wave of agony washed over her heart. "I am so sorry, little one," she whispered as she bowed her head, unable to stop the tears. She placed the box in the little grave, but didn't move to stand. _'I love you.'_

Varric knelt next to Cassandra, placing the marker into the ground at the head of the grave, looking down at the little box. He reached over, fumbling for Cassandra's hand and letting out a sigh that sounded more like a sob when he clutched at her. Tears slipped down his face to land in the dirt. "You'll always have a special place in my heart, my baby girl." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "You go and pester your two uncles up there. Especially Bartrand. Best you team up with Anthony to get him," he said as he wiped his eyes, feeling miserable.

Cassandra gripped Varric's hand so tightly her own began to ache. She just stared and cried for a long moment until she was able to compose herself enough to get to her feet and pulled Varric to stand with her. She took a step back as Cullen took it upon himself to fill in the grave and Leliana's pretty soprano voice sang a sad, beautiful hymn. She felt weak and for a moment she didn't know if she could remain standing. She still held onto Varric's hand with her own, and her other grasped the hand of the person on her other side. Dorian.

Dorian squeezed her hand tightly before he turned his head and placed a firm kiss on her tear soaked cheek. He looked back at the small grave, people were walking by and laying flowers on it until the fresh earth could no longer be seen.

Solas stooped next to the grave, bowing his head and he spoke in elvish, a prayer from long ago to guide the soul into the next life. One thing that he never enjoyed was death, certainly not the death of one so pure and innocent. He held a hand over the grave, making some simple gestures and a blue aura rose from his fingers, taking the shape of several nugs as they rolled around and played together before they seeped into the ground. He closed his eyes a moment before he stood up. This was his fault.

Josephine took a step forward and nearly stumbled, her eyes so full of tears she could barely see what she was doing. She set down a little pair of shoes she's bought for the baby, settling them amongst the flowers there. Another sob escaped her and she quickly moved away, taking Blackwell's arm as they quietly left the others.

The crowd dispersed, but Cassandra still stood there, squeezing Varric's and Dorian's hands. She couldn't move. She couldn't leave the baby there. It felt too final. "Maker, what do I do now?" she whispered, her hands trembling in theirs. Her face screwed up and she bowed her head, shaking her head as more tears spilled down her cheeks. She'd never cried so much or so openly in all her life. "How could the Maker be so cruel? I wish he'd taken me, too."

"Don't say that, Cassandra," Varric said harshly as he looked down at the little grave, loathe to take his eyes from it. "We are all to blame to this. What were we thinking, letting you go on this venture?"

"We were thinking of getting her out of Skyhold. Letting her have one last adventure before she had to hole up here. The area was supposed to be safe. The Inquisition's been there for months now," Dorian said bitterly as he looked down at the pile of flowers, his eyes catching on the marker. "We weren't thinking at all. Who would think that this…" He bit his lip and shook his head. "We can stand here and throw the blame around, but we are all guilty." He sighed and looked at Cassandra, turning her towards him, "I want you to know, if you need anything, either of you, come and get me. I'll do everything that is within my power to do what I can."

Cassandra nodded numbly. "Thank you, Dorian," she croaked. She tried to dry her tears, but they just wouldn't seem to stop. She sniffled harshly and turned, thinking of going back to her room when she found her path blocked.

"My dear lady Cassandra," Mother Giselle said in her soft-spoken voice, "I am so terribly sorry for your loss."

Varric snorted, despite himself, giving the Revered Mother a look. Beside him, he could feel a wave of coldness and a quick glance to Dorian told him the mage had palmed an ice attack in his fist.

"Why don't you go cluck somewhere else, your Reverence?" Dorian drawled. "Now is not the time for this."

Mother Giselle fixed Dorian with a look. "I would not expect you to understand," she said to him before she turned her attention back to Cassandra. "My lady, there is still time to fix this, to salvage what you thought was lost."

Cassandra blinked at her, not understanding. "How? How do you fix this?" she asked, an edge in her voice that clearly warned Mother Giselle to choose her words carefully.

"There is still time for you to secure your position as the Divine," Mother Giselle explained. "I understood your convictions about carrying the child, but perhaps this is the Maker's way of telling you that it was not meant to be. You are called to a higher purpose than this."

A dark look crossed Cassandra's features and for the first time all day, she didn't feel like crying. "This is the Maker's way of telling me I should be the next Divine?"

"It is a second chance. You are not bound to that path now. You are free to do what is right, what is best for the people. This is a blessing."

Cassandra lost it. No sooner than the words left the Revered Mother's mouth than Cassandra pulled back and punched her square in the face.

"How dare you!" she screamed as Giselle fell. "How dare you!"

"Oh my goodness gracious, are you alright?" Dorian cried before rushing to Cassandra's side and picked up her fist in his hand. His ice spell was still active and he carefully enclosed her knuckles in it. "You'll be lucky if you didn't break any bones. There's no penetrating that hard of a head," he said, his voice dropping low and cold as he turned to look at the Mother on the ground.

Varric was furious, so furious he was shaking with his rage. "Our child, an innocent child is dead and you call this a blessing?!"

Mother Giselle touched her nose, feeling the blood there. She opened her mouth to speak again, but Cassandra cut across her.

"I will hear no more from you," she spat. "You call yourself a woman of faith, but you do nothing save for spread your poison throughout this place, whispering in the ears of anyone who will listen. I want nothing more to do with you." She could feel her face burning, she was so angry, and she turned on her heel to march from the garden. Her long legs carried her swiftly through Skyhold, straight back to her room. The healers had wanted her to spend one more night in the infirmary, but she didn't think she could stand to be there for another moment. She wanted her room, the quiet safety is had always seemed to provide for her. She was only vaguely aware of Varric following along behind her as she threw open the door and stopped dead in her tracks.

The room was not as she had remembered it. A beautiful crib sat in the corner, a gossamer canopy suspended from the ceiling above it and an elegant baby quilt draped over the side. Small stuffed toys sat inside along with tiny baby outfits, folded neatly. Someone had placed another quilt in her rocking chair, and more toys. "What is this?" she breathed, her heart breaking all over again.

"Ah, shit," Varric muttered as he came up beside her. In the crisis, he had forgotten everything that Josephine had taken into the room. "It was supposed to be a surprise for you. A welcome home, baby shower gift. I forgot to have Josephine take it out, but you know, we've been occupied," he said quietly, "We were planning a brunch when Solas arrived with you. It seems like it was an age ago."

Cassandra shook her head, pressing her lips thin as more tears welled in her eyes. How was it possible she still had any left to fall? "No," she gasped. She couldn't look at it. Couldn't deal with this. It was like a big slap in her face, a huge reminder right there in her room of everything that was supposed to have been and now never would be. "No!"

She stomped forward and ripped down the canopy. She had to get rid of it all. She threw the canopy on the floor and the quilt, the stuffed animals. She turned to the rocking chair and swiped the blanket and toys out of it as well, tossing all of it into a big pile on the floor. Tears blurred her vision as she gathered it all up in her arms and marched for the door. "Get it out of my sight!" she shouted and threw it out into the hallway, stumbling to her knees as it scattered on the stone floor.

Varric was at her side in an instant, falling to his knees as well. He grasped her shoulders. "Hey, hey! Shhh. It's okay, I'll get some movers to take it all to storage." He brushed his hand over her hair, his other hand tilting her chin up. Gone was the strong woman he had once known. Now there was just this broken creature in her place. "We are still grieving. It's okay to do this. It's okay to cry. We all made some pretty stupid and unforgivable mistakes, but we have to accept that we did them. We have to grieve and try to move on." Tears slipped down his cheeks, "How we do that... I have no idea. I… Maker, Cassandra. We lost our daughter. How do you move on from that?"

"You don't," she growled between clenched teeth. "This will never stop hurting. I will never be whole again. Nothing about this is okay." She pushed herself to her feet, pulling away from him. She snorted at the crib, at the things she'd thrown out into the hall. "Burn it for all I care. I never want to see it again." She wiped at her eyes; they stung as she touched them, tender from crying so much and so hard. Her nose was stuffy and it made her voice thick as she spoke, "Leave me, Varric. Just go. I want to be alone."

"Why do you have to suffer alone? You aren't alone! You have me! Why can't we grieve together? I can't do this without you," he pleaded, watching as she grasped the door and started to close it. "Don't shut me out! Not now!"

"You were fine before me. Before the baby, you made no hesitation to voice how I dragged you here against your will. You have your freedom now, there is nothing tying you to me any longer," she said, her voice forceful yet hollow at the same time. "Why would you want to stay and watch me wallow in my misery anyway? I made a foolish decision when I agreed to go out with the Inquisitor. It is my fault this happened. How can you even bear to look at me now?"

"We've changed, Cassandra. Even you can't deny that. We only sleep well when we are in the same bed together. You laugh at my stories, you are hooked on every word. I am hooked on how devoted you are to anything you put your mind to. How you believe in what's right and how you pursue that to the fullest you can. It's our misery, not just yours. I made a foolish decision to let you go out. Anyone of the other companions could have spoken up against this, but they didn't, even when they should have. Don't shut me out. Not from this."

She shook her head at him and huffed before she turned and marched over to the bed and flung herself upon it, curling around her pillow. "Do as you wish," she muttered. "I don't have the strength to argue with you anymore." She buried her face into the pillow and hugged it tightly as she gave in to her grief again.

Varric looked after her, his heart thudding in his chest with a pain he had never known before and one he wouldn't care to feel again. He stepped inside and grasped the door handle. "I'll be nearby if you need me," he muttered quietly as he shut the door and looked around at all of the things she had thrown out. He didn't blame her for that. He couldn't. Not even for shoving him away. She needed time alone to process what happened. He rubbed the back of his neck and headed off, he needed to get movers to take all of this stuff down to storage. He wasn't going to give up on her.


	17. Chapter 17

Cassandra didn't know how long she laid in that bed. It could've been only minutes, it could've been days. She didn't care. But she finally closed her eyes, just for a moment, and when she opened them again, she didn't know where she was. She stood in the middle of a big meadow, the air scented lightly with wildflowers. The sun was high overhead, warm on her skin. She'd never seen a place so beautiful and so peaceful. She wondered wildly if the Maker had finally been merciful and allowed her to cross over into paradise. "Where am I?" she breathed as she turned slowly in a circle, taking it all in.

"The Fade, Lady Cassandra."

She turned sharply as she recognized the voice. "Solas?" she asked as she saw him walking steadily towards her. He had never visited her in her dreams before, though she had heard others speak of him doing so. "This is a dream," she said, slightly disappointed. That meant that eventually she would have to wake and face her life again. She didn't want to do that.

"True, this is the Fade, but that does not mean that it is any less real than the waking world." He held a hand out to her, "I must apologize in advance. I would have liked to have Master Tethras join us, but dwarves are not capable of dreaming. It will be up to you to tell him what I am about to show you." As soon as her hand was encased in his, he waved his free one, the scene changed to that of Skyhold. He offered his elbow to her before he led them towards the gardens. "Words cannot express my sorrow for your situation, Cassandra. I thought, perhaps, you would like to see what has happened because of this tragedy with your daughter."

"I know what has happened, Solas," she answered darkly. She was relieved to find that her body didn't hurt as she walked, her eyes didn't sting and burn. It was strange to hold his hand, she and Solas had never been that close, but she didn't let go of him. "Everything has been ruined. I feel as though my life is over. I didn't realize how much I wanted her until she was gone. And now Varric's life has been turned upside down as well. He gave up his romance with Bianca for this. We allowed ourselves to become too close. And now things will never be right again."

"You know, I thought I was the only one who was allowed to have the grim and fatalistic outlook on things," he teased as he led them up the steps to the Great Hall. "You changed, the both of you, for the greater good, for love. It matters not what the catalyst was, it did as it was intended. Your love for each other is great and the love for your daughter, even more so. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that." He paused outside the door to the gardens. "Would you like to know how I know this?"

She didn't know if she really wanted to know the answer or not, but she nodded her head anyway. That was the first time anyone had referred to her relationship with Varric as love. Did she love him? She knew she'd grown to care for him greatly, had missed him every moment that he wasn't beside her. But then that had been when she was carrying his child. Perhaps it would be different now. She expected it to be. Why else would he ever care for her, especially after she had failed him so? "Tell me, Solas," she said, her eyes flat, her voice the same.

Solas smiled at her and pushed the door to the gardens open. A childlike laughter, bubbly and carefree immediately met his ears. It was just as it had been when he had found it earlier that night, "Come." He said, beckoning her into the lush gardens. The sun was bright, the sky blue. The Skyhold gardens were a splash of color. Reds, greens, yellows, blues. It was perfection in every description of the word. He led the Seeker over to the grave of her daughter.

The difference was the childlike baby, a toddler, dancing around on top of it, chasing butterflies that seemed to land on anything and everything nearby. Including the chubby cheeks of the little one. "Look. Wisps take the form of butterflies and the child," he said warmly as he looked back to it, "That is a spirit of joy. Born from the love of you and Varric for your child. The stories he told, your hopes and dreams. The joy that could have been, manifested. She is strong, for so great was the life you had planned for her."

Cassandra let go of Solas's arm and covered her mouth with her hands, crouching down to stare at the most beautiful baby girl she'd ever seen. She could see her own features in the toddler's face, framed by curls the exact shade of Varric's hair. Oh how her heart ached to see the baby she would never hold. But there was something more there, a relief to see that the child was not in pain, that she wasn't sad or lost or scared. All the things Cassandra had worried about as they prepared to bury her little one. She was safe, she was healthy, and she was happy.

She rocked on her heels, squeezing her hands over her own mouth. She didn't know what to feel in that moment. All she could do was stare. "I want her back," she gasped out. "Maker, give her back to me. I would do anything to have her back."

Solas closed his eyes a moment before he walked forward, leaning down and placing a steady hand on her shoulder. "Cassandra, this is not your daughter. It is a spirit born of your daughter's dreams and feelings from what she has gathered from you and Varric. To wish her back would destroy this young spirit. She manifested so quickly. The need was great for her to be. If at any time, you need to feel her joy, you can go to the gardens to be with her. Now? You need to accept and move forward. There are greater things on the horizon for you. This little one can sense it."

Cassandra pushed herself to stand and looked at him. "How do I move on from this, Solas?" she asked. She desperately needed to hear the answer for that. Because at that moment, she didn't think she ever could. "How do I just move on with my life knowing what is lost to me forever? I've lost my daughter. And now… now I think I am losing my faith. How could the Maker be so cruel? What did my daughter do to deserve such a fate? I do not think I can put this behind me. Ever."

"Your daughter did more for you than you could ever begin to imagine. Without her, do you think you would feel the way you do for Varric? You do not need to let go of her completely. Carry a part of her with you, wherever you go, cherish that memory of her, but do not forget what she represents. What she was helping you towards. The future is still ahead of you Cassandra. You are still alive and capable of living life to its fullest. Your daughter has given you a great gift. Treasure it."

She swallowed harshly, looking over at the beautiful little spirit again. "I will try," she said. She didn't know if she could do it. The wound was still too fresh, too raw in her heart. "Thank you for bringing me here, Solas. It was good to see her… or the spirit created by her. It has given me some small amount of peace. And I will treasure that."

Solas gave her a slight bow. "It was the least I could do. I was fortunate to have spotted her here. I hope that you may find peace here as you need it. Even in the waking world." He stood straighter, "I will leave you to your thoughts. Should you wish to wake up. You have but to think it and it will be so. Goodnight, Cassandra." And just like that, he faded out of the dream.

Cassandra stayed there for a long time just watching the little spirit. Her mind still couldn't wrap around it all. But watching that spirit, that beautiful little girl, let her escape from the reality somehow.

She awoke slowly, blinking her eyes at the long shadows across the room. The crib and rocking chair were gone. And it made her want to cry all over again. Her eyes felt as if they had sand in them. She rubbed at them, but it only seemed to make them worse. She thought to tell Varric about the dream, but she didn't know where he was. She groaned and didn't move from her place on the bed. She just wanted to hide there forever.

"Eyes sore, heart aching, Maker, why didn't you take me instead?" Cole appeared on the bed, sitting next to her.

"Cole," she groaned and laid her arm over her eyes. If she was honest with herself, she was surprised he hadn't shown up earlier. Had he been there when they buried their daughter? She couldn't remember now. "You cannot heal this."

"I know. I tried to several times, but it only made it worse. I had to stop trying. I am sorry for your loss. Everyone in Skyhold is hurting and I cannot fix it." He looked to her, "Would you like to hold me?"

She lowered her arm and blinked at him. What an odd thing to offer. Still, there was something endearing about him and while she had been unsure of him at first, he had grown on her over the time he'd been at Skyhold. It might be nice to hold something besides the pillow. She found herself nodding and reached for him, pulling him to lay in front of her and she wrapped her arm around him. "Thank you for trying, Cole," she muttered weakly. "I wish you could heal it. I wish you could make me forget. Make Varric forget. He does not deserve to suffer for the choice I made."

Cole let himself curl around Cassandra, as a little child would with an adult when they were scared or frightened. He reached up and took off his hat and tossed it behind him before he laid his head down on her shoulder. "I wish I could make you forget, but the memories are too connected to you. Neither of you want to forget, but both of you don't want to hurt any more. It is very confusing. It is better that you don't forget. You would both lose who you are now. Bright, shining, full to bursting with wholeness. Cannot be without the other. It feels good. You should not be afraid of it."

It was always so odd to her how the strange way he put sentences together could speak exactly what she felt. "I am afraid of everything now," she admitted softly, sniffling as her eyes burned again. "I do not trust myself to make any serious decisions. Look at what my choices have done, how much hurt I have caused. How can I ever trust myself again?" She shifted slightly on the bed, her body aching again, and she sighed heavily before she ran her fingers absentmindedly through his pale blonde hair.

"You are smarter now, wiser. Mistakes made once, never again. Building blocks for moving up, forward. Onto a brighter future. Cherishing the past while embracing the future. You do not have to be afraid, Cassandra. We all love you, we care for you. We will not let you fall," he said quietly, letting her thread her fingers through his hair, "That feels good."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn't used to being told she was loved. To think that everyone there cared for her was more than she could handle in that moment and she held him tightly, curling around him to cry again. Emotions and hormones overwhelmed her as she clung to him. "I have let everyone down," she whispered miserably.

"You haven't let anyone down. Everyone thinks they have failed you and you think you failed them, but it's not true. You are all hurting and the only way to make it feel better is to accept and forgive. Mistakes were made on all parts, but there is no going back now. It hurts everyone to think that, but it is the truth and it must be said." He sighed and looked up at her, reaching up with a hand to cup her cheek, "You will make a great mother."

She gasped and pulled back from him as if he had slapped her. Fury and pain burned in her eyes as she shook her head adamantly. "I will never risk going through this again!" She swallowed the sob in her chest. "It hurts far too much, Cole. I swear it. I will never have another baby. I could not do this twice." The idea of ever being pregnant again, of ever losing another child frightened her beyond words.

"It will not be the same. A new story, a new nature, wiser minds and the thrill." He paused and looked sadly at her, laying his head back down on her shoulder, letting his hand fall to her waist, hugging her tightly. "I am sorry. I made it worse just now. There are so many emotions tangled into one thread. I would hurt you if I followed them through. I don't want you to hurt any more, Cassandra."

"I know," she whispered, nearly trembling at the thought of another child. "I don't want to hurt anymore either."

"You are hurting yourself. Why did I agree to go? I knew I shouldn't have, yet I did. The excitement, spending time with friends, one last grand adventure. Perhaps I will fight a dragon and be like Anthony. I wonder if my child will be a dragon hunter? My body, weak and flimsy, the giant's breath on my face, the wind in my hair and the horrible silence of the rocks beneath me. Hate myself. I should have been stronger. Maker, why wasn't I stronger? Why didn't someone tell me not to go?"

The more he spoke her thoughts, the harder it was to fight the tears. She heaved against him, trying to fight the sob, trying to stop it, and it escaped her anyway. She grit her teeth and bunched her fists in his shirt, a strangled scream ripping from her chest. She would give anything to stop hurting. She would give anything to have her daughter back. "It's… not… fair…" she ground out, struggling to breathe, her whole being tense and curled in on herself, making her muscles hurt even more.

"Cole, that's not helping her right now."

Cole looked up to see Varric standing in the middle of the door. Cole carefully extracted himself from Cassandra's sobbing form, "I tried to heal the hurt. She is holding onto so much."

"That's part of being mortal, Kid. We hold onto things. I'll take it from here, thanks," he offered as he walked to the side of the bed, looking down at the sobbing woman.

Cole nodded, but paused. "Ah, one moment," he said as he vanished in a puff of smoke before he reappeared, the book in his hand. He offered it to Varric, "She would like it if you would read aloud to her. It makes the hurt go away."

Varric's eyes widened as he saw the children's story book he had been working on and he reached out to take it from the spirit. "Thanks, Kid." He looked up to Cole, but found that he was gone already.

He sighed and moved to sit on the side of the bed next to the curled up Seeker. He reached out and rubbed her arm, "I'd ask if you were okay, but it seems like a stupid question at this point."

She nodded into the pillow, still curled in on herself. She gasped for air several times until she was able to draw in a deep enough breath to slightly calm herself. "I hate crying," she muttered, hiding her face against the pillow. She'd always prided herself on being strong, on not being one of those women who broke down in tears at every turn. And now look at her. It just made her even more upset with herself. "I want to fall asleep and never wake up." Maybe if she slept, she could visit the spirit in her dreams again.

"At least you have something to look forward to when you sleep. Being awake or a black nothingness for me," he said, but he turned and looked for his chair and he dragged it over, sitting down in it, "I can read you to sleep, but you have to promise me to wake up. How will I move on without you, Cassandra?"

"I will wake up," she answered flatly. "The Maker enjoys torturing me too much to let me sleep forever."


	18. Chapter 18

The days dragged on and life returned to normal for most of Skyhold.

But not for Cassandra. She sequestered herself away in her room, spending her time lying in bed or standing at the window, staring out at the little grave in the middle of the garden. She sat up late at night while Varric sat at the table writing, and she would silently read and re-read the children's stories.

She didn't talk to anyone. She barely spoke to Varric. She let him hold her at night and he would whisper to her when the silence became too much and she broke down and cried again. Nights were the worst, when the outside sounds of Skyhold died away and the silence was deafening.

It had been two weeks since they'd buried the baby. And Cassandra showed no signs of even attempting to return to normal.

Bull sat at the tavern with Dorian and Varric, checking out the cute little redhead in the kitchen. He mostly did it to annoy Dorian, to get a rise out of him. It always amused him to see the Tevinter all wound up.

He leaned his elbows on the table. "So Varric," he said, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. "How's Cass?" He knew the answer. Everyone knew. But something had to be done before she was too far gone and they lost her completely.

Varric gave the Qunari a look. "About as well as you would expect. I'm fairly sure she wants to strangle me each time I make her eat something. She mostly just sits in the room, looking out the window. I wish she would just do something. I would even take her yelling at me and stabbing my books again."

Dorian drained his cup and looked at the dwarf. "And you are just being the true gentleman in the matter. What she needs is something to ignite that anger. The passion again. She has grieved, now she needs to work through it and start looking up again. Needs to be soon, I miss cuddling up to her from time to time."

Bull nodded his agreement with Dorian. "You need to get her out of that room and out of her own head. We all swore we wouldn't let her fall. But she's falling now. And if you don't do something soon, we aren't going to be able to bring her out of this. She can't hide from reality forever. You have to do something."

"I'll do it," Sera offered, standing with her arms crossed and leaning against the stairs. "I'll go talk to her. Haven't talked to her since it happened…" she trailed off, looking down and picking at her nails for a moment.

"And how, pray tell, are you going to get her to come out of the room if she says no?" Dorian asked her. "Solve all your problems with arrows? If only things were ever that simple," he said, the last part quieter.

"You think that would work?" Sera asked, looking brightly at him until she realized he was being sarcastic and her expression fell again. "Look, maybe all she needs is someone to remind her that she's not the only one hurtin'. She can't just give up like this."

Bull eyed Sera for a moment. "Sera, are you sure you can handle this? You're not exactly the best at handling emotional crap."

"Oh like you're one to talk."

Bull sighed heavily and sat back in his chair. "It's your call, Varric," he said with a dismissive wave at Sera. "If nothing else, she might piss Cass off enough to get a reaction out of her."

Varric considered the proposition carefully before he sighed, "I don't see why not. Everything else I've tried has failed. Maybe it's because I tried my best not to piss her off. It's usually not that difficult a thing to do." He rubbed at his hair, "Maker, as long as she does something other than sitting around, I'll be happy."

"Alright Sera," Bull nodded. "But at least _try_ to not piss her off."

"No promises."

* * *

Cassandra looked up weakly at the knock on her door. "Not now," she growled.

The door opened anyway.

"What do you want, Sera?" she demanded. That elf was one of the last people she wanted to see in that moment. "I don't want to hear it. I don't have the strength to deal with you right now."

Sera shifted her weight from foot to foot, warily watching the Seeker. "I'm not here to bug you," she said, her voice softer than usual. "I just, ya know, wanted to say I was sorry. For what happened to you. 's not fair."

Cassandra was surprised to hear the sadness in Sera's voice. "It was not your fault."

"I know that. I wasn' even there. But this is the kinda shite I'm always on about, innit? Bad things happenin' to good people. You're good people, Cassandra. Varric is good people. An' it pisses me off that this happened to you. It hurts."

"Believe me, no one knows this pain like I do," Cassandra said, staring out the window at the garden. The hard lump in her throat couldn't be swallowed, the tears dripping from her eyes could not be dried. The burning ache of loss in her chest would not leave.

"You're not the only one hurting over this, you know," Sera said. "Poor Josie can barely lift her head off 'er desk, she's cryin' so much. Solas feels like shite cause he di'n't get you back here fast enough, says he shoulda been able to heal you on the field. And Varric… well, you've seen Varric." She sighed and looked at the floor, banging her fists against her thighs. "Even I was sorta excited 'bout seein' the lil bugger. Bet she woulda been real cute."

An unstoppable sob escaped Cassandra and she clapped a hand over her mouth in an attempt to stifle it. She grit her teeth so hard, she thought they might break. She turned her back even more to the elf, hugging her other arm around herself. Around the flatness of her belly. She hated herself, her body for failing her. No, not hate. Hate didn't even begin to scratch the surface of the loathing she felt for herself.

Sera tipped her head, watching the Seeker for a moment. "I din't mean to make you sadder, Cassandra. I just meant, well, you're not alone in this, you know? We don't know how you feel, but we hurt too. Dorian misses you. An' you shouldn' shut Varric out. Baby or no baby, he's good for you. He makes you better. Makes you human. Like a real person. He needs you." And with that, she left, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Cassandra exhaled slowly, glad that Sera was gone. She didn't want to hear any of it. Sulking and hiding were far easier than trying to get back to normal.

The door banged open loudly again.

"Nope. Not good enough," Sera said and marched back into the room to grab Cassandra's wrist. "You're comin' with me."

"Sera! Let go!" Cassandra protested, leaning away from the elf, but Sera pulled her along anyway. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Saving you from yourself," Sera answered, tightening her grip on the Seeker's wrist. "We're not lettin' you fall."

If she'd taken better care of herself, Cassandra could've fought off Sera. As it was, she barely had the strength to keep herself upright. Lack of sleep and food had done this. "I do not want to leave my room right now," she argued. "You can't do this! Sera!"

The elf ignored her, pulling her out into the hall and down the stone steps outside. "Yeah, keep starin'. Not like you lot have anythin' else to do!" she spat at the people who gawked at them. Even when Cassandra stumbled on the last of the steps, Sera dragged her along until they were in the space between the tavern and Cassandra's training dummies.

"There. Now did that kill you?" Sera demanded as she finally released Cassandra. "Look! Sunlight. Oh Maker forbid you get out in the sun for a minute," she mocked.

Cassandra glared up at Sera, narrowing her eyes. "How dare you," she breathed as she pushed herself to her feet.

Sera shook her head and looked over at Varric, who had come out of the tavern. "There. She's outta her room. I've done my part," she said and stomped off.

Cassandra turned an accusatory glare at Varric. "You put her up to this?"

Varric could hardly believe it. He was so happy to see something on her face other than the blank stare that all he could do was laugh and smile. He walked over to the blacksmith and opened the door, keeping an eye on Cassandra as if she would disappear if he looked away for too long. He reached in the doorway and grabbed the sword that was leaning against the wall before he walked back over to the angry woman. "I would say that I am sorry, Seeker, but I'm not." He offered over the hilt of her sword so she could take it from him.

She looked at the sword he offered and slowly reached out to take it. It was so familiar in her hand, yet it felt strange at the same time. She'd had no interest in training lately. Her eyes flicked over to her usual practice area; Cullen had set up new dummies there for her, but she had no idea how long they'd been there, unused. "So now what?" she growled. "You expect me to just move on and act as if nothing happened? Just throw myself back into it all? Or do you have another book that needs stabbing?"

"No I don't expect you to act as if nothing has happened, but we should be able to move on! After everything that has happened, don't we deserve to at least be happy? I'd let you stab a thousand of my books if I thought it would help you get back to the way you were before. Anything to see that passion back in your eyes."

Cassandra was shocked at the way he spoke to her, yelled at her almost. He'd been so reserved since they'd lost the baby, quieter than she was used to. To hear him like this, well, she didn't know what to think. It certainly didn't make her feel any better. "Why do you even care?!" she shot back at him.

Varric was going to lose his mind. Didn't this woman understand? "Because I love you!" He blinked as the words slipped out, leaving an air of silence between them he had shouted it so loudly. He blinked at her and realized he had spoken the truth. It only made sense, really. Everything they had been through together since that drunken night that had started it all. It had changed them. Changed him. He didn't want to see a future where she wasn't at his side. Steeling his resolve, he stood up straighter, prepared to defend his words to her.

She froze, his words ringing in her ears. That had to be the absolute last thing she expected from him. Her heart raced in her chest, the first time in a long time that she felt something there other than pain and emptiness. "Varric," she breathed as the sword slipped from her fingers, clattering to the ground. She wanted to kick herself. He'd tried and tried to help her, to take care of her, to pull her out of the depression she'd fallen into. And all she'd done was push him away. Maybe because she didn't understand until now. She'd thought Solas had been mistaken when he'd visited her in the Fade. "Do you mean that? Truly?"

"As if I would make the mistake of lying to you again," Varric said as he walked closer to her. It was as if a breath of fresh air had opened up between them and he reached out to take her hand in his own. "I mean it, Cassandra. I love you. I don't know what kind of future we could have together. The world could end tomorrow for all we know. For us, a small part of it did end. I almost lost you to it as well. I will do anything I can to keep that from happening. I don't want to see you so broken. I want to help you move past this, but that doesn't mean we forget."

Cassandra moved her hand in his, gently twining their fingers together. She pressed her lips thin, thinking over his words. She wanted to move on, to stop hurting somehow. And in all honesty, she didn't see how she could do that without Varric at her side. They'd been through too much together now. But it was more than that. It wasn't just that she needed him. She wanted him there with her.

She stepped closer to him and bent slightly to touch her forehead to his. "I will never forget. But I want to stop hurting," she said softly. "Do you really think we could ever be happy? Together?"

He leaned into her touch, looking up into her eyes after a moment. "Honestly? I have no idea, but I would love to find out. I think we could have something that would shake the world."

For a moment, one beautiful moment, Cassandra forgot her pain. Her heart melted at his words, longing for that sort of a romance. She pressed her lips to his, cautiously at first as if learning his kiss all over again. Her eyes fluttered shut and she tilted her head, kissing him passionately, just as she had before this had all happened.

For the first time in ages, Varric felt a warmth flooding his chest as she kissed him. Tentatively at first and then he was drowning in her. Everything they had been through together, the bad decisions, the anger, the death, he knew he couldn't have faced it if she had not been there with him. He didn't want to face the world without her. It would take time, as all things did to heal, but this was something. He could taste the saltiness of her tears on her lips and he reached up to cup her cheek as he tilted his head for better access. "Maker, Seeker. Yes."

It felt so good to kiss him again, to hear him proclaim his love for her like that. It was probably the most romantic thing that she'd ever experienced, even if it was sudden and unexpected. But somehow that just made it all the better. "I love you too," she breathed against his lips before she could second guess herself. She kissed him again, wrapping her arms around his strong shoulders, losing herself in the intensity of the kiss. "I should have seen it sooner."

"I think we both were a little distracted on that front," he breathed against her, pulling back slightly so he could look up at her face, her eyes were dark, but the had that light, a spark of life back in them again. "I'd like to be that distracted again some day," he offered, "But for now, I'd settle for you. I don't want to see you so broken ever again. Even if I have to annoy the hell out of you to do it. Would you be willing to put up with that?"

She nodded slowly, cradling his face in her hands as a broken laugh escaped her lips. "I think so," she answered. She swallowed, trying to hold onto the happiness that filled her chest, even as the anger and hurt clawed at the edges. "Varric, what do we do? What do I do with all this hurt, this anger? I feel as if I am hanging on by my fingernails. I've been so scared, so close to losing myself…"

Varric smiled at her. "I would never let you lose yourself." He reluctantly pulled away from her and picked up her sword again. He placed it in her hands and turned her towards the dummies. "As for all of that anger and hurt that you've been holding inside of you, work through it. Do what you do best and let these guys have it. They've been here for weeks with no one to destroy them. We learned a terrible lesson and there are two ways we can go with it. Let it drag us down or we can take from it, carry it with us as we move on."

Cassandra looked at the dummies for a moment as her grip on the sword tightened. She could feel her anger at the situation still bubbling in her chest, the pain of loss. But there was something more there now, too. Varric's support, his love. And it strengthened her.

She strode over to the dummies and swung her sword. Oh that felt good. She fell into her stance and with a roar, she went after them, landing fierce blow after blow. And with every hit, she felt that anger start to melt away.

Varric smiled as he watched her go at the training dummy with a renewed life. He took a breath of the cold air and felt some of the life come back to him. Watching her work through that pain in her most familiar setting, it felt good. He had a thought, a spark of inspiration for a new book. Maybe even a terrible romance novel. His lips curled upwards at the thought. Oh yeah. He could do this.


	19. Chapter 19

"The guardsman lifts the Knight-Captain onto the edge of her desk, stepping between her legs. His lips brush against her ear. 'What would the recruits say if they could see you now? Would you even care if they walked in on us?' he says huskily as his hands move to unclasp her armor, sending it to the floor in a clatter as he raises his hands to cup her ample breasts. Maker's breath, are you sure you actually like reading this stuff? It seems to me that Varric needs to branch out. This is really not my cup of tea. The guardsman on the other hand…" Dorian trailed off with a smirk as he stole a glance at Cassandra from his spot on the ground.

"More reading, less commentary," Cassandra ordered, never breaking her pace as she swung her sword at the dummies. She spun, landing a strike that she knew would throw wood chips in Dorian's direction. She nearly snickered as they showered over him and the book in his hands.

"My dear Seeker, I cannot see how I am possibly expected to read in such trying circumstances. Had I known you wished to shower me in sawdust, I would have stayed away and made Cole read this for you. Then where would you be?" he teased as he shook his head, getting the chips out of his hair before he gave the book a shake.

"Answering a lot more questions, probably," she answered, recalling the time she'd read part of it aloud to Cole. She'd spent more time explaining things than she'd actually spent reading. She rocked back on her heel, preparing to strike the dummy again, a smile pulling at her lips. There was so much of her life she'd neglected the past couple of weeks and now it was starting to come back to her. It felt good to spend time with him again.

And now she felt something else she hadn't felt in quite a while. The story Dorian read aloud, written by Varric… It was, well, she wasn't sure what to call it. But it certainly seemed hot out to her, even in the cold air and the shade. She cleared her throat and shifted her hips, tilting her head so her neck popped. "How can you not love reading that book? Varric's stories are magnificent."

"His crime serials are better," Dorian announced and laughed when she broke off a piece of the dummy and threw it in his direction. "Much to my dismay, I think he is writing something about Bull and I. I wouldn't mind reading that, provided he gets all the facts right. I am not a magister!" The mage shook his head. "As it is, this whole female Knight-Captain business does nothing for me, if you catch my meaning. He goes on for several pages on how the guardsman 'feasts upon her silken flesh.' Okay, I suppose I can read that. I'll just have to use my imagination in some places."

Cassandra shivered. Oh Varric had a way with words. She suddenly found herself longing to go to him, to act out the things he'd written in that smutty novel. She hadn't had that urge in awhile. But there it was, growing with every sentence Dorian read aloud. She had to tune out his scoffs and the comments he made. Nothing could distract her from the actual story.

It became too much. She stabbed her sword into the ground and turned on her heel. "Dorian, I must excuse myself," she said stiffly. "I will be back." And before he could protest, she let her legs carry her swiftly back towards her room.

She found Varric sitting at the table, his back to the door as his quill scratched across the parchment. She quietly closed the door behind her; he was so engrossed in his work, she didn't know if he even realized she'd come into the room. She leaned back against the door, watching him work, and bit her lip. The lines from the story echoed in her mind, and she imagined herself and Varric in place of the characters. She spoke before she had time to think about it.

"Strip, dwarf."

The sentence and the woman who spoke it were both unexpected to him, and his quill skirted across the page in his surprise. He looked over at Cassandra, his eyes slightly widened with surprise. A few days ago, when Sera had finally dragged the woman from the room and he had professed his love to her, they decided to take things a bit slowly. Neither one ready for any sort of passion, but she had allowed him to hold her while she slept, pressing kisses into her neck, whispering words of praise into her hair. To hear this now was a bit unexpected. He glanced out the window and it was daylight still. "Strip?"

She pushed away from the door and crossed the room to him. "I didn't stutter," she said as she looked down at him. She pushed his chair, turning it a bit more away from the desk, and moved to straddle his lap, still standing over him. "This is your fault," she said and dipped her head, kissing him deeply. She cradled his face in her hands, tilting his head to just the perfect angle as she sank into his lap. Oh how those books always managed to get her heart pumping. She writhed in his lap for a moment before she moved, getting on her knees before him, trailing kisses down the side of his neck and the expanse of his chest not covered by his shirt.

Varric couldn't stop his eyes from widening from her actions, how persistent she was, insatiable. He groaned into her kiss before she moved down lower. He had to chuckle as she buried her face against his chest, nuzzling at the curls of hair there. "I knew you couldn't resist the chest hair, but this is rather unexpected. Was Dorian reading to you again?" His length throbbed to think that his books made her this wound up. He was suddenly glad that he had decided to write another chapter for her, even if Cole had tried to spoil the ending that he had to change it several times over.

She blushed slightly, knowing he was onto her, but nodded her head as her hands roamed over his body. She squeezed at the large muscles of his arms, trailed down his sides to his hips, his thighs. She raised up on her knees to kiss at his throat. Something about this was empowering to her. Taking control again. She slid her hand down between his legs, cupping the hard bulge there. "You have such a way with words," she purred against his neck. "I want to hear more."

He tilted his head back as she cupped him, groaning aloud as her hands massaged him in the most sinful way. He almost made a joke at the Chantry's expense but decided that would be counter productive. "I am a wordsmith, Seeker. It's what I do. What words were you hoping to hear?" He looked down at her with heavy lidded eyes, "Would you like me to narrate what you would like to happen?"

She drew a sharp breath and nodded. Reading his words was enough to get her wound up as it was. To hear him speak those words to her, to actually hear it in his voice… she shivered at the mere thought of it. Her hands went to the sash around his waist and quickly untied it, then unbuttoned his shirt so she could touch his skin all over. Her core tingled and throbbed, her blood raced through her veins. "Please," she breathed against his neck.

Varric couldn't stop the smile that spread across his lips and he tilted his head back, relishing in the feeling of her breath on his skin. "The Seeker was famished, but not for want of food. The dwarf sat in his office unawares as she slipped inside. 'Strip' She commanded him and he gave her an amused smile as he took in her state, the way her eyes dilated with arousal. 'Is that an order, Seeker?' He asked. He reached up and tugged the tied from his hair, tossing it onto the desk before he reached out for Cassandra, pulling her close, his lips grazed hers as he spoke, 'Yes,' She said, 'and if you don't do it, I will do it for you and tie you to the bed so I can have my wicked way with you until you can no longer speak.'"

Cassandra pulled back with a gasp of surprise, the idea making her head swim. "Mmm, Varric," she purred as she unlaced his breeches, freeing his hard length. Where did his mind come up with these things? It fascinated and delighted her. She grasped his cock in her hand, stroking it firmly, and a smirk pulled at her lips as he gasped and slightly faltered in his words. She wanted to feel his hands on her, but she was too distracted with the task at hand, of bringing him pleasure first. He had done so much for her in the time they'd been together. He deserved this. She dipped her head and ever so lightly let her tongue flick over the tip of him.

Varric threw his head back as she tasted him, "Maker's breath, Cassandra. What are you…" He hissed as she swallowed around him, effectively silencing his silver tongue for the moment. His head swam in the pleasure and he tried to think, he wanted to take care of her but she was intent on asserting her dominance. It made a spark go off in his chest that she wanted to be in charge. As it should be. He smiled to himself and looked down at her, trying to think of the words, "She wrapped her lips around the dwarf and made his entire world spin into chaos. Oh the power she had over him was immeasurable. Couldn't she see that?"

Cassandra whined as she wrapped her lips around the head of his cock, her hand working over him at a steady pace. She absolutely loved this, hearing him describe it to her. His voice alone was enough to make her swoon. She shifted her hips; her breeches were wet, she was so turned on by him in that moment. Her free hand went to the buckles on her armor, unsnapping it so she could cast it aside. Holding his cock steady, she drew her tongue up the length of it, then took him into her mouth again to suck.

He wasn't sure how much composure he could keep up as she kept attending to his length as if it were a sugary treat to be licked away by her tongue, untalented, but made up for with enthusiasm. He let his fingers tangle into her hair. "Yes Seeker. Just like that," he breathed out, "Maker, let me help you out." He pleaded to her, "I'm going to come if you keep that up!"

She was only encouraged by his warning and she sucked harder at him, taking him deeper into her mouth as she worked her tongue over his hard shaft. She wanted to do this for him, to see him come undone from her actions. Just the way she came undone from his words. She cupped his balls, rolling them in her hand as she pulled back, breathing hotly over his cock. "Come for me, dwarf," she commanded and quickly swallowed him down again.

Varric was shocked by how demanding she had become. The way she had moved on past the stages of grief was amazing to say in the least. His cock throbbed under her attentions and he let out a moan as he bucked up against her. "Oh Maker, yes," he breathed. It had been so long since he had last felt like this. The night before Cassandra had left for the Storm Coast. His groin clenched and he found himself bucking up against her, coming into that hot mouth of hers, his cock twitching in her grasp. "Cassandra!" he cried, clenching his fists into her hair as he came.

She greedily drank him down, continuing to suck until she could coax no more from his body. She pulled back, licking her lips, and looked up at him. His chest rose and fell heavily, his face red. She had done that for him. And it made her proud. It had been a long while since she had asserted herself, and it felt good to do so. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, her own need overpowering now. She got to her feet and looked down at him, reaching to tangle her fingers into his hair. "You claim to have a silver tongue," she said. "Prove it."

His eyes narrowed at her and he stood up, kicking off his pants that fell down to his ankles and shrugging off the shirt she had unbuttoned. He guided her back to the bed with hands on her arms. "Why, Seeker, is that a challenge?" he asked as he backed her up until she fell down onto the mattress. "You should know better than that," he breathed as he claimed her lips for his own as he kissed her hard. He pulled away to start trailing down her neck, to her collar bone.

Cassandra moaned as he kissed her, arching her chest up towards him. "Yes, Varric," she breathed as she squirmed beneath him. She was still thinking on his story, the lines he'd made up as she tended to him. Nothing would ever be so sexy to her as that. She unlaced her breeches and pushed them down, kicking them off with her boots. Her shirt was next, leaving her completely bare before him. Her whole body was on fire, her every nerve alive to his touch.

Varric sat back on his heels as he looked down at Cassandra. "Perfection," he breathed as he let his hands skim down her shoulders, to cup her breasts, before he leaned down and kissed her deeply before trailing down to suckle at her neck, "Maker, you are amazing Seeker." He let his hands trail over her skin, "So, you wanted to see if I have a silver tongue or not?" He grinned as he slid down her body, parting her legs, exposing her wet center to him. A wave of want passed over him. He wanted nothing more to see her full with his child. He bit his lip as he thought of it and he shook his head, smiling at her. "You are so beautiful."

She looked at him and gave him a soft smile. "When I said silver tongue, I had something a little more primal in mind. I already know you are a sweet talker," she teased lightly, though it did warm her heart to hear him say it. She felt so vulnerable before him, her legs spread wide like that. She rolled her hips, her body demanding attention from him. She lifted her leg and drew it over his hip, trying to tempt him into giving her what she wanted. "Must you tease me so?"

He chuckled. "Oh! Is that what you meant? I'm sorry. Let me get right on that." He leaned down, dragging his tongue along her wet lips, groaning at the flavor of her. He reached up, sliding two fingers beneath his lips before he pressed inside of her, twirling his tongue around her clit. He was determined to leave her with no doubt in her mind that he had a silver tongue.

Cassandra threw her head back and cried out as he finally gave her body the attention she so desperately craved. She slid her leg over his shoulder and tangled her fingers into his hair as he licked at her, crooking his fingers wickedly inside her. Oh, sheer bliss. His tongue was hot and wet against her clit, his fingers strong and amazingly talented. It wouldn't take her long at all to reach that peak. "Varric!" she cried out, panting wantonly as she writhed her hips against his face. "Yes! YES!"

Varric grinned against her as she came, her sweet wetness spilling across his lips. He smiled as he pulled back from her, licking his lips before he slid up next to her, cradling her in his arms. "Mmm, Seeker. You are delicious."

She shivered and panted in his arms, her face blushing at his compliment. She turned into him, sliding her arm around him to hold him close. She hadn't felt this connected to him in so long, it seemed. "Thank you, Varric," she murmured against his chest as she nuzzled under his chin. It was amazing to feel, well, alive again. "I don't know what I would do without you."

He sighed against her, his length hardening as she pressed up against him. It was amazing. "Seeker... Cassandra. You feel so amazing right now. I've missed you so much," he murmured as he turned her head so he could kiss her lips.

She kissed him back, taking her time to explore his mouth with her tongue as she languidly trailed her fingertips up and down his spine. It hurt to hear him say he'd missed her when she'd been right there all along, but she understood. She missed him, too. "I know," she breathed between kisses. "But I am here now."

He smiled against her. "As am I, Cassandra," he whispered against her and he rolled over her, pressing between her legs, groaning at the tight wet heat he could feel there. He reached down between them, grasping his cock so he could brush it against her slit. "Don't make me face this world alone again. Together from now on. No matter what the danger."

She nodded. "I promise," she answered in a soft tone, then draped her long leg over his hip to pull him into her body. Her back arched off the bed as inch after delicious inch of his thick length sank into her core. She bucked harshly up against him and dipped her head to nibble at his neck. "I missed this. And I will never risk losing what we have ever again."

Varric gasped against her as he became fully seated in her heat, her warm embrace like nothing else he could compare. Being so connected with her once again, he knew what he wanted. He wanted a life with this woman. To have children with her, as many as the Maker would bless them with. He wanted to marry her and claim her, let the Chantry know for certain that they couldn't have her because she was his.

Cassandra was once again lost to the pleasure he gave her, clinging to his shoulders as he thrust into her at a steady pace. Her nails raked down his strong muscles and she shivered at how powerful his form was. She locked eyes with him and felt her heart go all mushy again. There was an intensity in his eyes as he stared at her, something beneath the surface and for a moment she wondered what he was thinking. She squeezed her muscles around him and twined her legs around his, pulling him tighter against her. It was incredible to be so connected to him like this.

He found himself approaching his orgasm faster than he would have liked to admit. It had been so long since they had been together. His heart was already full to bursting, knowing what he wanted and he wanted to share with her that joy. The joy of belonging and knowing where the future would take them. "Cassandra," he groaned out, his voice thick with pleasure, "Come for me. Let me hear you. I can't wait. I can't, I can't!" He cried out as he came within her, his length pulsing in her hot flesh as he cried against her neck.

His orgasm triggered her own as his hot cum filled her core. She screamed out as she clenched around him like a vise, their bodies joined so tightly, it was impossible to tell where he ended and she began. Tears of pleasure pricked her eyes and she clawed at his back, riding out the hot waves of bliss that ripped through her. "Varric!" she cried out. "I love you! I love you," she gasped out as they collapsed on the mattress, both of them panting and shaking.

Varric felt sated, more so than he had in a long time. He groaned as he pulled away from her, his length slipping from her heat as he collapsed onto the bed next to her. "Oh, Seeker. You make me feel old," he chuckled as he caught his breath, "But I'd be willing to try for an all-nighter with you." He grinned as he rolled to his side and looked to her.

She raised her eyebrow and looked at him. "All night?" she asked and a smirk pulled at her lips. Oh yes, she could definitely do that. "Are you certain you can keep up, dwarf?" she teased back, unable to stop the full smile that split her face. It felt amazing to tease with him again, to just be them again.

He laughed against her, "I'm sure I'd like to try." He kissed her fully, dipping his tongue into taste her sweetness. He pulled back briefly, looking down into her eyes. He smiled at her as he cupped her cheek, "I want to try again."

"But we just did it," she breathed, wondering if perhaps it was her that would struggle to keep up with him. She blinked at him, suddenly aware that there was something more he meant, a deeper meaning to his words. "Varric," she said cautiously, her stomach twisting. "What are you saying?"

He pulled back to look at her, brushing a hand over her dark locks. "On purpose this time. I want to have a child with you, Cassandra. Planned, expected. Everything." He brushed his thumb over her lips, "If you'll have me, that is. If you and I want the same thing."

Her heart stopped. "Varric…" She'd promised herself she wouldn't do that again, that she would never risk such a heartbreak. She felt fear creep into her chest and curl around her heart. She stared at him with bewilderment and pain in her eyes. "It won't replace the one we lost," she whispered, her tone vulnerable, frightened. "Nothing will ever replace her."

Varric gazed at her lovingly and he kissed her lips, pulling back just so their foreheads were touching. "I know, but does that mean we can't be happy? That we can't hope for a future with children?"

Cassandra let him kiss her, even as her head seemed to spin. It was too much. What he proposed was insane. Wasn't it? "I don't know, Varric," she said uncertainly and broke her gaze from his. She swallowed harshly. There was so much at stake. Corypheus was still out there, things could still go horribly wrong. Even if she tried to stay hidden away at Skyhold when the final confrontation came, whenever that was, they were not ensured of victory. And what then? If the world fell, what kind of a life could they possibly have then? What sort of a world would they condemn a child to live in?

She looked at him, her eyes sorrowful. "I cannot agree to this now," she answered quietly. "Not without giving it some consideration. Please, Varric, understand. I need time to think on this."

He chuckled and leaned down, pressing a long kiss to her lips before he turned his head to nuzzle at her neck. "Well, I wasn't suggesting we jump right to it. Although, what we just did probably isn't going to help matters. There's a tea for that, right? Until you are ready to try again, I'd rather not test how lucky we are to be able to have children together."

Relief washed over her and she smiled and nodded against him. She needed time to think about it, to really think about it. She kissed him sweetly, letting her lips linger on his for a long moment. "Thank you, Varric," she murmured against his lips. "There is still so much going on, I just need time. I am not saying no, exactly. I just…" She trailed off and sighed, her eyes falling closed. "The idea scares me," she admitted.

"Hey, after what we've been through? It scares the shit out of me too, but the thought of planning for it? Of knowingly trying instead of just a drunken one night stand? There are some things I would do differently, locking you in this room, for one." He sighed and laid back, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't want to become one of those people either. The ones who are too scared to take two steps because they are afraid of tripping."

"We will both think on it," she said and curled her arm around him securely. "But whatever we decide, we will face it. As long as we are together, we will get through it."


	20. Chapter 20

Cassandra spent the next few days thinking about Varric's proposal and all that entailed. She religiously drank the tea designed to prevent pregnancy, silently thanking the Maker that there was such a thing. If only she'd thought about it before that drunken night with Varric… No. Then she wouldn't have what she had now. And that made her heartsick to even think about.

Thinking on the subject, though, made her damn near crazy. It was as if she were talking in circles in her head, over and over and over. She needed to talk to someone, someone unbiased, that would give her an honest opinion. Her mind immediately went to one person and one person only.

Dorian.

The mage was sitting in his corner of the library, a glass of wine in his hand as he was reading through one of the books that wasn't complete barnyard fodder on early Tevinter history, when he spotted Cassandra walking towards him. "Ah, there you are. I was beginning to think you and Varric were shunning the world. If only we all had talented wordsmiths writing us smutty literature whenever we wanted. Then I suppose no one would get anything done." He sat up straighter and looked around, grabbing a spare wine glass off of the bookshelf, "Drink?"

"I suppose," she answered and sat next to him, accepting the glass when he handed it to her. She twirled the glass around, watching the red liquid swirl inside it. She debated for a moment, wondering if it was inappropriate for her to discuss this with Dorian or not. But they had grown so close over the past few months, she didn't see the harm. Surely Varric wouldn't be upset by her discussing her feelings with her closest friend. "Varric wants to have another baby," she said bluntly.

Dorian paused from taking a sip from his own glass at her admission. His eyebrows raised up. "Does he now? Even after that," He waved his hand in the air, letting it hang, "Well now, that is rather interesting. I suppose it makes sense. Everyone was rather excited about it. But Varric, it was as if he became a different person knowing he was about to become a father. The both of you, really. Except, you know, motherhood for you. What do you think about all of this? It is one thing to have a child accidentally, but on purpose? In the middle of this war?"

"You read my mind," she muttered dryly. She took a sip of the wine, staring at the glass in her hands. "I do not know if I am strong enough to face that again. Losing our daughter hurt enough," she said, pausing a moment to control her emotions, to keep her composure. "What if we lost another? It would devastate us both all over again. And as you said, we are still at war with Corypheus. But Dorian," she sighed, "part of me wants to try again. Perhaps it would help to heal my heart. I know the one we lost cannot be replaced. I am not that naive. But I cannot stop thinking that maybe he and I might find a little bit of happiness."

He smiled at her. "Then it sounds like you should give it a go. Not right this very minute, of course. We need to defeat Corypheus first and I think I speak for most in the Inquisition when I say that your daughter's passing affected us all. I do not know if the rest of us could bear to watch you and Varric go through that again. It is a rather breathtaking reminder to us all of what is at stake, and what is worth fighting for."

She nodded. "It has given me a new perspective on the war," she agreed. "There is so much more at stake than I originally considered. How many other women have lost their children and I never before considered them?" She downed the rest of her wine and shook her head as she swallowed it. "And I cannot help thinking about what else this implies for Varric and myself. Knowingly trying to conceive a child… Does that mean he wants to truly spend the rest of his life with me? Would he still want that even if we do not try again?"

"I suspect that is a question you will have to ask him when the time is right," Dorian said as he finished his glass and refilled it. "He is an intelligent man, perhaps he has already thought this through. In Tevinter, many are ushered into marriages without thought nor care for romantic feelings, or emotional compatibility. Families are chosen through careful breeding and nothing more. I suspect there is more to it between you and Varric. Your daughter brought you both together in a way you never imagined. He would be a fool to let you go now after everything you have been through. I know I would cherish a relationship like that. The question is, my dear Cassandra, do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

She blinked in surprise at that. She'd been so focused on what Varric wanted as far as their relationship went that she hadn't stopped to think about what she wanted. "I know how I feel about him now," she said slowly, trying to choose her words. "Before, I never would have considered such a relationship with Varric. No matter how much you may have goaded us," she said, shooting him an accusatory look. "So I cannot help but to wonder if we feel this way just because of what happened. Does that make a difference?" she asked, looking at him with a pained expression. She knew what she was trying to ask, but she wasn't sure if it was coming out right at all.

Dorian tilted his head as he turned over her words in his mind. "You are asking me if you love him only because you carried his child? That you loved him only when you were with that child? I seriously doubt that. Remind me again, when was it that you both professed your love for each other? The first time?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

"After we lost the baby," she answered softly. "I cannot imagine my life without him now. I love his stories. He took such good care of me through this whole ordeal. I just want to make sure that I love him for the right reasons. And the same is true for him. I would not want him to make that kind of commitment if he was not sure or if his judgment was clouded by what happened to us."

Dorian smiled warmly at the Seeker, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze. "I may not be an expert on the matter, but those sound like the right reasons to me. To marry not out of obligations, because it's expected of you, for money, or even because of a child. Those are the questionable reasonings I would look out for. But this? Most acceptable."

"Well that is one problem solved," Cassandra said and held out her empty wine glass, shaking it at him.

Dorian threw his head back and laughed before he reached for the decanter and poured her a healthy measure of wine. "Ah, a woman after my own heart."

The corner of her mouth twitched in amusement and she took a long drink of wine. "Do not give me any more after this. Bad things happen when I drink." She took another swallow. "But I still do not know what to do about trying again. I never wanted to be a mother. It was not something I ever saw myself doing. But now that it has been taken away from me, it is all I can think about."

"Perhaps this is something to be discussed with your paramour. I am all for you trying again, but that's only because I know I can kidnap the little one and get it all riled up on sweets and spoiled rotten before I give it back." He smiled at the thought. "I imagine Varric has some thoughts on the matter."

Cassandra narrowed her eyes at him. Yes, filling her child with sugar and then giving it back sounded exactly like something he would do. She finished off her wine and handed the glass back to him as she stood. "You are an ass."

* * *

She found Varric sitting outside with Cullen, both of them engrossed in a game of chess. She had to get this all straightened out in her head before she could make any sort of decisions. She lingered for a moment, rubbing at her temples, trying to ease the headache. Oh Maker damn it all. Just do it. She strode forward, all business, and without excusing herself at all, she asked, "Varric, why do you love me?"

Cullen, who had been moving a chess piece, gave a jerk and accidentally sent some of the pieces flying. He exchanged a look with Varric; the dwarf seemed just as surprised by her sudden question. "I… ah, should be going," Cullen said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. "The, ah, trebuchets need to be calibrated. Yes, that's it. Varric, I believe you won this game." He stood and gave a slight bow to Cassandra, then hurried away before he somehow got pulled into the argument he was sure would ensue.

Varric eyed Cassandra with suspicion and considered his next words carefully. He wasn't sure what brought this on, but he knew that tone of voice with her. "This is a trick question, isn't it? Would you like an itemized list or were you hoping for something a bit more personal?" he asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Cassandra was not amused. "Varric, I am serious!" she huffed. She began to pace back and forth as she spoke. "There is too much going on in my head and I can't make any sort of decisions until I get it all sorted out. I need to know. Do you love me for me? Or do you love me because I carried your child? If I decide I do not want to try again, will you still love me?" Her words came faster and faster as she spoke, trying to get it all out before she lost hold of any of her words. "And if we do decide to do this, what does that mean for us? We just have a child and that is it? Or is there more?"

"Whoa whoa, easy there," Varric said as he stood up, quickly going over to her, placing his hands on her waist as he looked up at her. "This has really been bothering you, hasn't it?" He smiled up at her, reaching up to brush a lock of dark hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek the next moment. "Cassandra, when I said I loved you, I meant it. Hard to wrap your mind around it, considering our particular history together. I don't know if I can put it into words why I love you. There's just, you know, too many things that come together to make it all one cohesive thing. It's your passion, for everything. The way you commit to doing what's right, not because it's easy, but because someone has to do it. That on the outside, you are this battle hardened maiden with a secret obsession for really bad romance novels. Particularly, my bad romance novels."

She sighed softly, feeling her worry and her doubt start to melt away. It truly was her that he loved, and not just because of the circumstances life had dealt them. It was exactly what she needed to hear. She ran her fingers through his hair as she looked down at him. "I am sorry I questioned you," she said softly. "I just needed to hear you say it." She hesitated a moment, searching his eyes before she asked in a soft tone, "Do you truly wish to spend the rest of your life with me?"

He chuckled at that, giving her a warm smile as he leaned into her touch. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he rather enjoyed it when she played with his hair. Those fingers that could be so cruel and wield death and destruction to her enemies were gentle and soft with him. "If you think you can put up with me. I'll still be an ass, but I'll be yours if you'd have me." He pulled her down, kissing her slowly, savoring her against him before he pulled back to look up at her, "No child required."

She kissed him slowly, letting the warmth of his lips seep into hers. It seemed to fill her heart, her very soul. Her heart skipped, nervous butterflies in her stomach. She wanted to ask, the way he spoke without ever directly saying things drove her mad sometimes, but she didn't want to sound like she was pushing him either. As always, the words escaped before she thought them through. "Was that a proposal?"

He raised an eyebrow at that and let out a heavy, exaggerated sigh. "I can already tell there is going to be no pleasing you, is there?" He chuckled and started tugging the glove off of one of his hands. He tossed it to his chair and looked down at his hand, taking off the Tethras signet ring he had. "This is only going to be temporary until I can get something more suitable, but you've kind of put me on the spot," he said, giving her a look as he got down to one knee, taking her hand in his. "Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast," He paused, grinning at her, "Seeker, would you do me the greatest honor and marry me?"

For a moment, she was completely stunned that he remembered all of her names. That in and of itself was something. But the next, her face split in a smile as her heart swooned. "Yes," she answered breathlessly. She didn't even give him a chance to react. She dropped to her knees with him and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him fiercely.

Varric sighed into the kiss, holding her tightly against him as they kissed, lips and tongue dancing against each other. He felt, in a word, whole. And on some level, somewhat nervous, but he knew he shouldn't be. Cassandra wasn't like Bianca and once she committed to something, she saw it to the end. He knew that he wouldn't be left standing alone at the altar this time around. He pulled back for air and pulled her arm from his neck, slipping the ring over her middle finger. It was a couple sizes too big for her and he laughed, "Like I said, temporary."

She admired the ring, even as it turned on her finger. It warmed her heart in a way she couldn't even begin to explain. This was real, this was happening. She'd finally found the romance she had so longed for. And with the most unlikely person. Which somehow, in her mind, made it all the more romantic.

She let out a dreamy sigh and shifted to lay her head on his shoulder, just staring at the ring he'd placed on her hand. "When?" she asked. A frown suddenly crossed her face. "I do not want a big fuss," she said sternly and sat up straighter again to look at him. "If Josephine finds out about this…"

"Seeker, I won't breathe a word, but you know in this place, the walls have ears. Besides, I thought a romantic wedding would be just what you would like. Something with lots of flowers, candles. Those tiny cakes everyone can't seem to get enough of?" He chuckled at the look on her face, "Or we could grab a couple of witnesses and head off to Val Royeaux if you want, but Ruffles is going to murder us both in our sleep if we run off and don't tell her about it."

Cassandra groaned. "You are right, of course." She thought about it for a moment. Flowers and candles sounded wonderful. "Josephine is going to put me in a dress," she whined and let her forehead fall to his shoulder. She weakly slapped at his chest when he laughed at her. "It is not funny! Yes, I want the romantic wedding, but it does not have to be a huge production for it to be romantic, does it?" She felt so conflicted in that moment, she didn't know what she wanted. "Josephine will make it a big production, won't she? What am I saying? She always does."

"If it makes you feel any better, Seeker, I will all too happily take you out of that dress when the night is over," he teased. "I'll see what I can do, hopefully I'll convince her to not invite half of Thedas. Something small with just the inner circle would be nice. I am sure between the two of us, we can find something that works."

"Alright," she said. "But only if you promise that we will burn the dress afterwards."


	21. Chapter 21

Panic. That was all Cassandra felt as she ran. She had to get away, find some safe place to hide. Her boots slapped on the stones, echoing around her. She turned the corner and slid sideways, nearly losing her footing. There! She flung herself through the door and slammed it shut, leaning against it as she panted, trying to catch her breath.

"Fancy meeting you here," Dorian said as he turned from the wine selection he was trying to choose from. "By the look on your face, I would have to guess that Josephine has yet another dress for you to try on. I thought you told her last week that the one she picked out was perfect?"

"Shhh!" Cassandra hushed him sharply and clapped a hand over his mouth to silence him. "She'll hear you!" she scolded in a harsh whisper. She eyed the bottle in his hand and swiped it from him, then stole the corkscrew from his other hand. "Ridiculous. I told her I wanted a small wedding. At this rate, half of Thedas will be there!" She struggled to open the bottle and sighed in relief when the cork popped free. She didn't even bother with a glass and tipped the bottle to her lips.

"Oh my. This is more serious than I previously thought. You know Varric and I won't let her invite all of Thedas. If she did that, my parents would be here and I certainly can't stand for that," he said as he turned back to the wine rack and selected another one of the same vintage. He turned back to her and plucked the corkscrew from her hand. "Come, it is dark enough down here we can hide in peace and drink ourselves into a stupor," he teased her as he opened his wine bottle, looking at the vintage. "My ancestors will be rolling in their graves if they knew I drank this without a proper glass. Oh well. Cheerio!" he said as he clinked his bottle against hers and took a long drink from the bottle.

"Mmmm," she agreed and took another long drink. "Speaking of your parents, Josephine asked me to ask you how best to send their invitation." She shook her head and sat down next to a crate. "Varric joked that we should elope to Val Royeaux. I am starting to think that maybe that was not such a bad idea. This is quickly getting out of control. Did you know there are different shades of white? Why do I need to try on four of the same dress? They are all white!"

Dorian raised an eyebrow at her as he took a long pull from the wine bottle as he settled next to her on the floor. "Maker only knows why. But if you'd like to elope, I am sure I could convince Bull to come along. We would be your witnesses, and you would be married without a second thought. But make no mistake, this wedding is going to happen. Josephine is not going to let it go. Though, if you would rather be officially married without all the huff and fuss, we should go as soon as possible. Then there would be no pressure! You and Varric would already be married and it would just be, you know, a show of extravagant Inquisition metal that you get married here." He paused, trying to think how that sentence made sense in his own head, "You'll have to forgive me. I may have had a few glasses before I came down here."

Cassandra snickered at him. "Don't worry about it. Before we leave this place, I fully intend for neither of us to be speaking properly," she said. She was tired of being the center of attention, for whatever the reason. But of all the reasons she had been, planning this wedding had to be the worst. With every passing day, Josephine seemed to think of more and more to add to the list. "I just want to be married to Varric. The wedding…" she trailed off and shook her head. "Will it really matter if some distant relative of mine is not invited or if the mints do not perfectly match the centerpieces? It is too fussy!"

"Of course it won't matter," Dorian said as he stretched out his legs next to hers, moving his toe so her leg rested over his. He sighed at the slight warmth it granted. "But you told your plans to Josephine, granted she would have found out sooner or later. This was inevitable. You are just lucky Varric and I convinced her to leave this to the inner circle. We weren't expecting her to go so far as to invite family members of the Inquisition. Granted, there aren't that many to go around. And I won't let her invite my parents. You can tell her to give those invitations to me and I will make certain they never see the light of day again."

Cassandra sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "You are brilliant," she gushed. "I told Josephine so that maybe we could stop her from going over the top. Give her time to calm down before plans were made. That backfired," she muttered and tipped the bottle to her lips. She gave the bottle a shake as the last drops dripped onto her tongue. "These bottles are too small," she said with a frown and reached to open another. Her brain was already pleasantly dizzy. "And I still say the birds are a bad idea."

"Did you know that there was an Orlesian fashion crazy for tying birds into one's hair? I heard it was beautiful until the poor scared birds emptied their little bowels on the woman's head. Quite dreadful for the birds I imagine. Be thankful you don't have hair that long. Save for your braid of course. But I won't tell anyone how long it really is." He gave her a wink, leaning up to grab another bottle for himself. After a moment's hesitation, he grabbed several off the shelf that were in arms length and he set them between them. "There we go."

Cassandra gave a nod of approval. "Do not get me started on my hair," she growled. "Josephine came up with the preposterous idea of somehow adding more so I could style my hair different. Some fashion in Val Royeaux or such nonsense. I stopped listening when she said something about gluing it to my head." She huffed and draped her legs more comfortably over Dorian's. A skeptical look crossed her face. "And I would like to see how well this idea goes of keeping hallas around for 'decorative purposes.'"

Dorian chuckled as he drank from the wine bottle. "They do have decorative purposes, but don't expect to win any favors from the Dalish if you do decide to do that. I personally like Varric's idea, sticking with just candles and flowers. It is elegant and simplistic. The perfect wedding, no?" He smiled despite himself. "At least we were able to talk her out of the red and gold formal wear. I much prefer the black and white ensemble you came up with. Shame she won't let you wear it."

"I tried," she answered flatly. She and Josephine had nearly gotten into a shouting match over that one. But somehow, and Cassandra wasn't exactly sure how it happened, Josephine had won. She leaned against Dorian's side and took another pull from her bottle. She poked at Dorian's arm harshly. "And you need to get Bull under control as well. I do not approve of this idea of a bachelor party with dancing girls. Last I heard, Sera was trying to talk him into letting her help plan it and to include her. That idea can surely only end in disaster."

"My dear Seeker, if I thought that was possible, I would have already done so in the name of your honor. Alas, it didn't work out that way. I imagine though, it will be like what I put up with from the Bull any day of the week. Yes, he likes to flirt with the redheads and the kitchen staff. Mostly because he knows how much it irritates them. At the end of the day though, I know it is my bed that he will be falling into and not theirs. If that makes any sense? You have nothing to worry about. Besides, if you want a bachelorette party, I would be more than happy to be eye candy for you."

Cassandra snickered at that. "We should," she said firmly with a sharp nod. "They have dancing girls. Why can we not have dancing men? It is only fair." She took several harsh swallows of wine and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Where would we find such a thing, though?" She eyed him and giggled uncharacteristically. "Perhaps I will make you dance for me. Maybe that would distract Josephine long enough to stop with her plans for a moment. Leliana might enjoy the show."

"My dear, you would not be able to recover if I were to dance for you. Though, if you find me ten silk scarves… I might be able to distract your party from your imminent nuptials. And just for the record, you can find anything in Val Royeaux. Anything. You let me handle the details of your party and you will not be disappointed. Unless you really wanted to see me dance naked under the moonlight? I might have to enlist Solas to help me with that one," he said with a grin.

Cassandra threw her head back and laughed. "I would love to see you try," she snickered and hiccuped. She tried to picture Solas dancing naked, then screwed up her face and shook her head violently. "I need more wine for this shit," she said and opened another bottle. It took her a moment of very hard concentration to manage it. "And I can only imagine what you would need ten silk scarves for." She tipped the bottle to her lips, but snickered at the same time and nearly spilled it all over herself. "Oh this whole thing is such a mess," she groaned and laid her head on his shoulder again. "Dorian, how do I always manage to get myself into these situations?"

"You just have that sort of luck, my dear. Keep drinking, your troubles will go away eventually," Dorian said as he titled his own bottle back until it was dry and he reached for another between them. "Though, I have to say, if this is where your troubles lead you, I can't say that I am disappointed. It's rather quite nice," he snickered into the new bottle and nudged Cassandra's side. "Have you chosen your maiden of honor? Josephine will have another tizzy trying to get her dressed as well."

Cassandra nodded her head, then paused and shook her head instead. "I thought of someone, but I had not yet asked," she answered. Oh, the wine was really starting to get to her now. She turned to him, blinking a couple times to clear her vision. "Dorian, I know it is tradition to have a maid of honor. And I know that I am clearly drunk right now, but I mean this. Will you stand beside me at my wedding? You could be my man of honor."

Dorian paused, the bottle halfway to his lips as he looked at Cassandra. "I must have heard you incorrectly. This wine is quite strong. It sounded as if you were asking me to be your 'best man' as it were?" A grin tugged at his lips. "I am certainly qualified for the job. Though I am much more high maintenance than most you could pick for the position. I would be honored. If we both remember this after we wake up from our drunken passing out." He clinked his bottle to hers, "Cheers then!"

She grinned at that. "And if we do not remember, then I shall ask you again when we are sober and it will be a surprise all over again." She giggled to herself as she took another drink. Her lips smacked as she pulled the bottle away and she squinted at it. "This is very strong wine. That, or I have consumed far too much of it. How much have we had? I lost count." She snickered again. "That is what we shall do on my wedding day. We will hide from Josephine and drink all the wine she ordered for the day."

"A perfect idea if I have ever heard one. I suspect we might have to include your husband on the festivities. He would be very cross if we ducked out of the party without him knowing." He snickered, his words slurring, "Your husband."

"Husband," Cassandra repeated dreamily, though a bit drunkenly too. "Awwww, Varric's going to be my husband." She let out a lovesick sigh and leaned heavily on Dorian, nearly knocking him over. "That makes me happy."

Dorian couldn't stop the fit of laughter that got into him at the way she sounded, finally tilting his head back and laughing loudly. "Oh my dear, you are positively taken with him, aren't you? Now all we need to do is nail down a husband of my own. Unfortunately, Qunari don't marry. I was hoping he'd make an exception, to see my father shit his smallclothes if nothing else. Hey... Hey! We should sing a song for the occasion!"

"I don't sing!" Cassandra protested, though she was unable to keep a straight face. She screwed up her face in concentration and deflated a bit the next moment. "The only thing I can think of are Chantry songs," she said in a disappointed tone. She tilted the bottle to her lips, but frowned when no more came out and she tossed it away where it shattered on the stone floor. "You pick the song and I will try to sing along."

Thus it was that Varric found them loudly singing to "Sera Was Never" when he opened the door to the wine cellar. His eyebrow raised up and he crossed his arms looking down at the two singing away at the top of their lungs. He quickly counted up the number of empty bottles between them. "Well that explains a lot. The both of you are in trouble. Leaving me alone up there with Josephine. She's been hounding me for hours trying to go over wedding details."

"Varric!" Cassandra cried happily. She tried to stand, but the room spun and she heavily sat back down. "C'mere," she slurred gesturing forcefully for him to come closer. "We need help. We can't reach the other bottles up there," she said and pointed to a shelf. She sat up a bit straighter, trying to peer over his shoulder. "Josephine is not with you is she? I had to escape. She had even more dresses brought in for me to try on!"

Varric chuckled, "Yes, I know. Don't even get me started on the hairstyles." He looked to the shelf and selected a bottle for himself before he moved over to them. He pushed aside some bottles and sat down on Cassandra's otherside. He pulled away the bottle when she reached for it. "Ah ah, this one's mine. If you are too drunk to stand up and get your own, then you don't need any more." He reasoned and took a long pull from the bottle.

"Rude," Dorian said and pushed himself up, swaying only a few times before he found his balance and he plucked two more bottles from the shelf. "If the Inquisitor asks what happened to the wine, we will all point at Vivienne, agreed?" he asked as he sat back down and handed a bottle to Cassandra.

Cassandra nodded eagerly and accepted the bottle from him. "That is why I love you," she slurred and worked the bottle open. "You come up with the best excuses." She tipped the bottle to her lips, then snickered at the look Varric gave her. "Well obviously I don't love him like I love you," she said exaggeratedly to the dwarf. She huffed, "You know what I mean." And took his hand in hers.

"No no, I get it. Love him, marry me. It all works out in the end. Sparkler, you're stealing my spotlight here. How can I claim to be the lovable dwarf if you are passing out bottles of wine like they are candy?" He smiled despite himself and threaded his fingers with Cassandra's.

Dorian snorted into his bottle. "Oh please, after all the trouble I went through getting you two together? I wouldn't dream of breaking up that lovely relationship. Oh, and just so you know, Cassandra has asked me to be her Man of Honor as it were. So if you were going to ask me to be your best man, I'm afraid you missed out."

Varric snorted, "Thanks for the warning, but I've already got a best man. He's just got to finish up some business in Weisshaupt and then he'll be back here." He looked at Cassandra suspiciously, "Granted you don't try and kill me again over it."

She blinked slowly, tipping her head at him for a moment. "Why would I try to kill you for such a thing?" she asked, her mind a total blank. Then it dawned on her who Varric would ask to be his best man. It only made sense, after all. "Hawke is coming?"

Varric grinned, laughing, "You aren't as drunk as I thought you were." He took a long drink from the bottle he had and nodded. "Yeah, he's coming. That's not going to be a problem, is it?"

"No," Cassandra said slowly, "As long as you do not get upset if I ask him to autograph my book." She shifted around to lay her head in Varric's lap, her legs still draped over Dorian's. "As long as you are happy, Varric, then I will be happy. That is all that matters to me. And that is why I hid. With Dorian. In the wine cellar." It made more sense in her head. "Because all the frilliness Josephine keeps insisting on does not matter in the end."

Dorian raised his wine bottle in toast, "I'll drink to that!"

"You'll drink to anything, Sparkler," Varric teased as he looked down at Cassandra, moving a hand to thread his fingers in her hair. "I know I don't care much for frills, but I'm glad to know that we're actually going through with this."

Dorian chuckled at that. "Yes, it is good to know that even in this mess with Corypheus, that even he can't stop us from enjoying life. Such as it is."

Cassandra gave a bitter snort of a laugh. "It would not surprise me if something went wrong. Something always goes wrong." She blinked up at Varric. "Wouldn't that be just our luck? Corypheus showing up on our wedding day." She paused and blinked. "Although that might not be so bad. I could trash the dress and Josephine wouldn't have any reason to protest."

Varric chuckled, "That's why I love you. Always seeing the positive side of things."


	22. Chapter 22

"Is she ready? Everyone's wait-" The words died on Cullen's lips as he entered the room and saw Cassandra there with Dorian. He'd never seen the Seeker like this. He couldn't help but to smile. "Maker's breath, you look beautiful, Cassandra."

She gave him an awkward smile, not trusting herself to open her mouth. She felt more nervous than she could remember being in a long time. Oh how had she ever let Josephine talk her into wearing a dress?

It was beautiful, of course. The bodice was adorned with muted gold knotwork embroidered down the front, and laces down the back that made it hug her figure. The soft material of the a-line skirt cascaded from her hips with a long train, and the sleeves of the dress were long enough to drag the ground. Simple, elegant. And Josephine just would not stop fussing over it.

"Oh I do wonder if perhaps the sleeves aren't a bit too long? We could still have them altered, it would only take a moment. We have time, don't we? I should call for the seamstress," she chattered.

"Josephine," Cullen groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "There's an entire garden of guests waiting. We are already behind schedule as it is. And Varric's getting nervous. Now stop fussing over her." He sighed when she ignored him. "Dorian, help me. She's not listening. Again."

"I just have to-" Josephine said, adjusting the white sash at Cassandra's waist. "It has to be perfect."

Dorian chuckled, setting his wineglass aside. "My dear Josephine, everything is perfect as it is. If you keep finding mistakes we will be here all night and Varric will think he has been left at the altar. You don't want to put the poor dwarf through that, now do you? And the food that was prepared, it will all go stone cold if we do not get there in time," he said as he moved to step between her and Cassandra. "I'm going to have to assert my Man of Honor duties now," he said with a grin and turned to give Cassandra a small push towards Cullen. "And I have to commend you on this vast improvement to the formal wear. White really is my color," he said as he brushed a sleeve down to the black leather gauntlets. "Ah! Here I am talking away, I need to get out there." He paused to kiss Cassandra's cheek, "Don't forget to breathe, my dear."

He looked at Cullen, "You want a kiss for luck as well?"

"Andraste preserve me," Cullen breathed before he glared at Dorian. "NO."

Cassandra gave a nervous laugh that quickly turned into quick gasps of air. Why was she so nervous? It felt so hot in that dress. She waved a hand at her face, fanning herself. "Is it too late to elope?" she asked. She knew everyone was waiting, that they had been waiting for quite some time, but she couldn't help it. Her stomach knotted painfully. "I just need a moment," she said, trying to calm her breathing. This was all Josephine's doing. "Maker, I should not feel so nervous. I blame the dress. I am too out of my element."

Josephine gave her an unimpressed stare. "Perhaps we should put some armor over your dress," she deadpanned. Her eyes went wide and she gave a surprised cry when Dorian gave her a not-so-gentle push out the door.

"Bless you," Cassandra breathed.

Dorian gave Cassandra a deep bow. "Simply doing my job, my dear Lady." He walked over to the water pitcher in the room and retrieved a cup of the cold liquid and brought it over to her. "Don't you worry. You are working yourself into a fuss over nothing. Might I remind you that once I walk in, everyone's eyes will be on me. Tragic that you will not be the center of attention, I know, but that's how it is sometimes."

Cassandra managed a laugh while Cullen shook his head.

"Shall we?" Cullen asked, offering his arm to Cassandra. He had been honored when she asked if he would walk her down the aisle at her wedding.

She gave a nod and took his arm, grabbing up her bouquet with her free hand. She said a silent prayer to the Maker to give her strength, to not trip or otherwise make a fool of herself. For just one day in her life to go right.

They followed Dorian out to the garden and Cassandra felt her breath stolen away. It was beyond anything she'd expected and for once, she appreciated Josephine's efforts. White roses and candles absolutely everywhere she looked. The chairs that were full of guests, leading towards the gazebo. And Varric, standing there with Hawke at his side, dressed in the white uniform with the blue sash. In an instant, she felt all her nervousness vanish.

Hawke chuckled as he watched Varric's shoulders relax when they spotted Cullen leading Cassandra down the makeshift aisle. "See? What did I tell you, you were worried for nothing," he said quietly as he leaned towards his friend. "Maker, she's gorgeous." He gave a slight nod to Dorian as he came to stand on the other side of the gazebo.

Varric wasn't going to admit to anyone that he was nervous, that he had been thinking, the longer they stood their with no sign of his bride, that she had changed her mind about this whole thing. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he saw her, relief washing over him as he gazed at her for the first time that day. It was odd to see her in a dress, but she wore it so well, you would hardly know she didn't do that every day. The way the cut of the dress exposed her shoulders, how the color seemed to make her golden skin more pronounced. He had never before seen a lovelier creature in his life.

Cassandra gave Cullen's arm a squeeze as he came to a stop before Varric, then placed a tiny kiss on Cassandra's cheek and gave her hand over to Varric. Everything seemed to calm in that moment, the instant she felt the touch of Varric's hand. A smile split her face as she looked down at him. Why had she been so nervous? This was about them, joining their lives together, finally finding a bit of happiness. None of the rest of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was him.

Varric felt his heart beating so fast as he let his fingers curl around Cassandra's hands. He barely registered when Leliana started the ceremony, the only thing he could see, hear, touch, was Cassandra. She was glowing today. He smiled up at her at the thought, soothing his thumbs over her knuckles. He had her and he would never let her go.

It was all surreal, impossibly romantic, and a little bitter sweet. Cassandra went through the motions of the ceremony in a happy daze, Varric the only thing she could think of, the only person she could see. And she was proud of herself for holding onto that happiness, even as they took a moment to lay a white rose on their daughter's grave, acknowledging that she was there with them, too. But nothing that day could bring her spirits down. She was marrying the most incredible man she'd ever met and she was proud to be able to call him her own.

It all went so fast, Varric thought as he was repeating the vows he had memorized. It was as if he was on automatic pilot, he couldn't remember what he said. He remembered exchanging their rings though. The look on Cassandra's face as he slipped off his signet ring and replaced it with a wedding band, the Tethras house symbol engraved onto it. He leaned down and kissed her hands before he smiled up at her. "My beautiful Seeker," he said quietly, lovingly.

Cassandra had to blink several times to keep the happy tears from welling in her eyes. She was proud to wear that ring with his family crest on it. And even more proud to present him with the wedding band she'd picked out for him in return. She couldn't imagine a more perfect ceremony for them. And quicker than she'd anticipated, Leliana announced that Varric could kiss his bride. She met his lips, her eyes fluttering shut, the applause from their guests a hazy thrum in the back of her mind. She didn't even notice the whistles and cat-calls from the inner circle.

Varric couldn't stop smiling even if someone paid him to do so. If someone had told him that he would be married to this woman back when he first met her, he would have labeled them as insane and moved on. Now? Now he couldn't picture his future without her in it. He reluctantly pulled back from their kiss, offering over his arm to her, "Shall we? We have to get to the food before these guys beat us to it. Or before Josephine makes us do stuff."

She nodded eagerly and let him lead her back down the aisle, heading straight for the Great Hall. She only had a few moments at best, she knew; she could hear the guests rising from their chairs and preparing to follow them. Once inside the hall, which was just as elaborately decorated as the garden, she pulled him to the side and wrapped her arms around his neck, smothering his mouth with her own. "I love you," she whispered between kisses. "I am so happy to call myself your wife. To have you as my husband."

He grinned against her and cupped her cheeks as he kissed her deeply, slipping his tongue into her mouth, drinking her down. Something he had been wanting to do the moment he had seen her. "The honor is mine, milady," he said as he pulled back to look her over, "To think they actually got you into a dress. Color me impressed. I thought for sure you would be walking down the aisle in full battle armor. I'll have to take care when I get you to myself this evening."

"You shall rip it off me," she said firmly, though a smile pulled at her lips. "And I hope you know, it is only for you that I would wear such a thing. Many have tried to convince me to wear a dress; only Josephine was successful, because it was for you." She really would have to thank Josephine properly for all of this and she was rather embarrassed to realize she hadn't thanked her for anything at all. She stole another quick kiss before she heard the thunder of boots on the stone steps outside. "Brace yourself. They're coming."

He laughed and tugged her out of the little alcove and led her to the head table, pulling out her chair for her. "I love our friends, I really do, but I haven't had anything to eat all day and I'll be damned if I go through whatever Ruffles has planned for us this evening without some sort of food. You too. You almost looked like you were about to faint out there."

"You should have seen her getting ready," Dorian said as he slipped inside, the guests and inner circle all filing in behind him. "She was ready to pass out and begged to be allowed to elope with you instead."

"And they wouldn't let me," she muttered, shooting Dorian a mock-accusatory stare. She suddenly realized how hungry she was too. "I haven't eaten either," she admitted. "I was too worked up. Though I do have to question whoever came up with the traditions of marriage. Dressing in white and then serving food? That does not seem like a wise idea to me."

Dorian chuckled, "Doesn't seem wise at all, does it? Ironically, white is supposed to represent the purity of the bride. Yet another silly notion from the Chantry. How can you commit to someone if you haven't slept with them?"

Cassandra clapped a hand to her face. "You got into the wine cellar again, didn't you?" she accused.

"Quit giving them shit, Dorian," Bull teased and clapped a large hand to the mage's shoulder as he grinned at the newlyweds. "Congratulations, you two. It's about damn time something happy happened around here. You two deserve it."

Varric laughed, "Thanks Tiny. It's almost weird to have something like this go so well. At least I haven't heard of any assassination plots or backstabbing yet. Last thing we need is for this to turn into another Winter Palace."

Dorian tried to appear offended, but couldn't help but to lean back into Bull's touch, a smile tugging at his lips. "I see Josephine got you into a shirt this time around. This is good, I would have been terribly miserable if I didn't have anyone to dance with." As if on cue, the music started playing, most likely Josephine was making her rounds and making sure everything was perfect.

Bull growled. "She threatened to have me banned from the celebration if I didn't put on a shirt," he muttered darkly, looking down at the white coat with disapproval. Though it was a far sight better than the red one he'd been made to wear at the Winter Palace. "Come on, then. Let's have a dance and then grab some food."

Cassandra shook her head and smiled as Dorian let Bull pull him out into the middle of the hall where several other guests were already dancing. She could see Josephine flittering about, making sure everything was running smoothly. She watched their other friends as they mingled with the guests, but the next instant her vision was blocked as a puff of smoke erupted and Cole appeared on the table. "Cole!" she gasped in surprise.

Varric laughed at her surprise and gave her knee a squeeze. "Hey Kid, are you having fun?"

Cole smiled brightly at them both, "Shining, bright, warm. Everyone is so happy today. It's good! You are both happier now."

Cassandra smiled at Varric before she nodded at Cole. "We are. A few months ago, I would not have believed that I could ever be happy again. But now here we are. And I am very happy." She looked down at her hand and spun the new ring on her finger. "I am grateful to have such wonderful friends who helped me through everything that happened." She smiled up at him again. "You helped, Cole."

Varric watched her turn the ring on her finger before he looked to the spirit, "Yeah, thanks for everything, Kid."

"Jacket stifling, collar too tight, I just want the night to be over so I can take her to the room, make her my wife." Cole blinked at the dwarf, "But isn't she already your wife now?"

"Ugh, Kid, you know that conversation we had about you asking before you go poking around in people's heads. It still applies here. Go enjoy yourself for once, have some punch, talk to Chuckles. Whatever you like." He breathed a sigh of relief as the spirit vanished and he cleared his throat as he saw Cassandra looking at him. "What? It's a natural thing to want to do!"

Cassandra shook her head, trying to give him a disapproving look, but the smile on her lips ruined the effect. "What, to want to get out of these clothes? I can agree with that," she said. She laid her hand on his thigh under the table, tracing her fingertips up the inside seam of his breeches. "For several reasons."

Varric couldn't stop the groan that escaped his throat and he let his head fall against the chair back with a thunk. "You are going to be the death of me, Seeker. Might I remind you, my problem isn't as easily hidden as yours." He reached under the table and caught her wrist. "But later, I will be very much encouraging the actions. And returning the favor," he said in a low voice, giving her a wink before he looked down at the ring on her hands, "I had hoped you'd like the design."

"It is perfect," she said softly. Her cheekbones burned and she gave him a sheepish look. "I should not tease you so, not when we still have so much of the evening to spend with our guests. Though it might encourage you to rush things along a bit," she said with an amused smile. "I would not protest to sneaking off early if we can escape Josephine."

Varric chuckled, turning to her and pulling her down for a long kiss. "Mmm, now there's an idea I can get behind. If we're fast enough, I don't think Ruffles would drag us back down to the party naked. Though, she's put so much into this little celebration, I wouldn't put it past her to try." His length throbbed at the thought of Cassandra on the sheets in their bed, warm and inviting in the firelight, "She also might have decorated the room with Dorian."

"Oh Maker," Cassandra sighed. She could only imagine what those two had managed to do to her room while she wasn't looking. "First thing tomorrow, I am having a lock put on that door," she stated, squaring her shoulders. "If Josephine wants to mess with my… our room again, she will have to claw her way through the door."

Varric chuckled, "Now there's an image for you. If it's any comfort to you, I think you'll like what they've done. Dorian balanced her out. Besides, you and him get along. He wouldn't want to do anything that would put a damper on your big day." He smiled at her, he just wanted to take her back to the room now, spend the night worshiping her body.

"True. I trust Dorian, for the most part anyway," she said. She leaned over to rest her forehead against his. "As long as I am with you, none of the rest matters," she said softly. She tilted her head to kiss him and just as her lips brushed his, Josephine called out to them to come and cut their wedding cake.

Cassandra pulled back with a groan. "Just one day, it's just one day," she chanted under her breath as she tried to keep her patience.

Varric grinned. "That's right. Keep telling yourself that," he said as he stood up, catching her hand and threading their fingers together. He was about to burst he was so happy. To have a wife. This woman, so strong and sure of herself. He would trust his life to her, he realized and it made him giddy. He would always have her back in a fight and while they would most likely still have arguments, he would be willing to stay and sort them out with her. "Just one day and then it's the rest of our lives together."

* * *

Notes:

We used this dress as inspiration for Cassandra's wedding dress. pin/289567451011775243/ And to see what the men wore, google "Winter Palace Mod." It's the white coats with the blue sashes.


	23. Chapter 23

The party was still going strong when Varric and Cassandra managed to slip away, hand-in-hand, and headed for their room. "They will be at it for hours," she mused as they made their way down the quiet corridor. She was relieved for the day to finally be over, so she could spend some private time with Varric. So many people had demanded their attention, it felt as if they'd had little time for themselves. "At least it is all said and done now," she said.

Varric held a hand to his stomach. "Feels as if we didn't eat anything at all. Every time I went in for a bite, Ruffles found someone new to drag over to congratulate us. At least we got a bite of the cake. I think the guests enjoyed it more than we did though." He shook his head as they came to their room and he opened the door with a flourish. "After you, milady," he said as he bowed, but stopped short as he caught a glimpse inside. "What the… oh Maker. I think they've gone overboard this time."

"This time? How is that different from any other time?" she asked. Cassandra gave a soft gasp as she peered into the room. It was illuminated with the soft glow of flickering candles, the air perfumed with the scent of roses. Someone had nearly covered the bed with rose petals placed in the shape of a heart. Oh, it was so cliche, yet she loved it. There was a tray of fruit, bread, and soft cheese next to the bed, along with a chilled bottle of wine and two crystal flutes. A smile slowly split her lips. Yes, this was the perfect room to share with her husband on their wedding night.

Varric watched the expression of his wife's face change as she entered the room and looked at everything. The way she looked, so happy and awed by it all, made his feelings for the over the top, romantic setting fade. He would go with it. "So, you really do like the whole rose petals on the bed with wine and candles?" He chuckled, "I'll have to remember that. Now, before we get too settled in, help me with the wardrobe."

She turned and blinked questioningly at him as he shut the door and went to the wardrobe, leaning against it to move it across the room. She threw her head back and laughed, then hitched up her skirt and helped him to push it in front of the door. "Perfect," she said, brushing her hands together. She turned to him, butterflies in her stomach. Where had this come from? She'd been with him more times than she could count, but something about the officiality of their wedding night made her feel a little nervous, excited, and ridiculously happy. Her lips twitched as she tried to fight the urge to smile again. "Should I command you to strip, or is that too forceful for tonight?" she asked teasingly.

Varric laughed, loud and rich. "I would suggest you sit me down in a chair, throw a book in my face and then stab it with a dagger, but I do think that is too much." He eyed her and stalked closer to her. "How about a change of pace? I should command you to strip. Or I could help you. How debauched do you want that dress to be?"

She really did smirk then. "I do not care as long as you get me out of it," she answered and bent her head to kiss him. She felt her heart start to race, her hands tremble as she ran them down his arms, and she was more than anxious to get out of the dress she'd been made to wear all day long. Her tongue slid against his, drinking in the sweetness of his mouth, and her hands went behind her to tug at the lacing of her dress. "Get me out of this thing," she breathed.

"Your wish is my command, Seeker," Varric said as he pressed on her arms to turn her around. His hands went to the ties on her dress and with the skilled hands of a rogue, he easily undid the knots and was soon brushing the dress down her arms letting it pool on the floor. His breath caught as she stepped out of it. All stockings and belts. His eyebrows went up until they met his hairline. "No upper smallclothes? Seeker, I'm shocked." He held a hand to his chest, feigning surprise before he reached out and helped her strip the last bit of clothing from herself. "Now I find myself at a disadvantage."

She blushed slightly and recalled the argument she'd had with Josephine and Dorian earlier that day, that the dress wouldn't look proper otherwise. She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, then let her hand trail down to his coat, unsnapping the buttons as she went. The sash, the belt, the gloves. It was all too much. A soft groan escaped her throat as she was finally able to push away the coat, revealing the smooth skin that covered his powerful shoulders. She dipped her head to kiss at the side of his neck, nibbling along his collarbone. "I think yours was more complicated than mine," she murmured.

He smiled against her skin. "Details," he murmured and took his time sliding his trousers and smallclothes down so he could step out of them. There was something primal about being bared to each other amongst so much finery. He wouldn't have it any other way over course. He led her to the bed and followed her, crawling on top of her so he could lean down and claim a long kiss from her lips. "You know, you scared me today. When the ceremony didn't start on time. I thought that… well, it doesn't matter now. You showed up after all."

Cassandra gasped as she realized what he must've thought. "You… you thought I left you standing there," she said softly, mentally adding, _'like Bianca.'_ She set her face in a determined expression and propped herself up on her elbows to look at him. "Varric," she said sternly, "I love you. I would not do that to you. I made you a promise and I kept it. You know I would not put you through such a thing, don't you?" she asked, her voice softening.

He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand, stroking over the scar there. "I know you wouldn't, Cassandra. But," he hesitated and looked away, finding a spot on the wall that was less than interesting, "that wouldn't be the first time I had heard those words. We are dancing around the topic like some diseased thing. She said she would be there, that she wouldn't marry what's his face. But she did. She left me standing there, alone. And all I could think about were my failures that pushed her away from me. You had more than enough reasons to walk away from me. More than her. I just thought…" He trailed off and shook his head, "I thought what I shouldn't. You are leagues above her, Cassandra."

She leaned into his touch, her heart hurting that someone had ever been so callous to him, to hurt him in such a way. "Varric, I am not her," she said softly, touching his jaw to turn his face to her. "I know I complained about the wedding while we were planning it. But I never once questioned marrying you. I cannot stand the thought of living without you in my life." She leaned up and kissed him softly, trying to ease any of his uncertainty. "You are the love of my life. And I am so excited to start our life together."

He smiled at her then, feeling his heart beat faster at her words. "As am I," he breathed as he pushed her back to the mattress, leaning over her as he kissed his way along her jaw, to her chin, to her lips. "I never thought I could be this happy with someone other than her. Childhood fantasy I suppose. But this? This is real. I don't think I could endure without you at my side. He reached up and teased one of her nipples, smiling softly as she arched up into his touch. "By the Maker, you are so beautiful."

She felt her body awaken to his touch, the sharp teasing of her breast. She trailed her nails down his chest, pausing to pinch back at him, and a smirk crossed her lips at his hiss. Oh, she'd been waiting for this all day, to make love to her husband. Husband. The word sent a thrill down her spine. She shifted on the bed as he teased her sensitive flesh, and she claimed a kiss from him. "More," she whispered hotly in his ear.

Varric shivered as she breathed in his ear, it made him want to forget everything but her. She was the only one who matter at this particular moment in time. She was his. He never would have thought it possible, after all they had been through, but he was glad. He leaned down and captured a nipple between his lips as he pulled her legs to rest on either side of him before he rocked into her, gasping as her heat surrounded him. "Cassandra," he moaned.

Cassandra gasped sharply as he suddenly filled her. It felt as though her breath had been stolen away. She lifted her hips to him, moaning as he slid deeper into her. Her fingers tangled into his hair, her breast tingling as he sucked at her flesh. She could feel her center growing wetter with every thrust, the slick sound of their bodies meeting mixed with their soft moans of pleasure. It never ceased to amaze her how perfectly his cock filled her body, and she cried out as he gave a forceful thrust. "Oh Maker," she gasped, pressing her chest up against his face even more.

Varric could hardly find the breath to keep going, but he did. The way her chest rose up every time he thrust into her willing body, it made his own sing. He reached down and grasped her thigh, pulling her up to wrap around his own body. "Yes," he moaned against her, "Just like that!" He cried as he thrust into her with a renewed vigor. Her body opened like a flower to him and it was all he could do to maintain his control over himself. "Gods, Seeker, if you talk like that, I'm going to come before I've really had my way with you." He bent down and nipped at a cord in her neck, "Good thing we have all night with each other."

A sudden idea struck her, wanting to test his willpower over his own body. "Varric," she breathed, her voice laced with lust, "You are amazing." She writhed her hips, a long moan issuing from her lips. "I love what you do to me. How the feel of you inside me sets my blood on fire." She bit her lip as his pace increased and her eyes rolled in her head. "You… are so big…" she panted, fighting through the pleasure to grasp at words she thought might drive him over that edge. She was never very well spoken to begin with. "Mmm, harder. Please, harder!"

Varric bit his own lips so hard he could taste blood as he thrust into the Seeker. His Seeker. It fueled him on like nothing else as he pounded into her. Images of the interrogation flooded his mind, but it had him taking control over the situation and it only made him hotter for her in the end. "Maker yes, Seeker!" he cried as he thrust into her with an unknown will, his own needs taken over by instinct as he thrust into her until he came with a cry, "Cassandra!"

Oh she would be sore by morning if she wasn't careful. His needful, powerful thrusts into her made her body tense around him, and she screamed her pleasure the next moment. She felt his body pour into her own, and drive her crazy with desire. She was breathless by the time he slowed, gently rocking together for a moment longer. "Varric," she breathed, cradling his head to her chest. "That was… the best I've ever…" She could barely even form the words.

Varric managed a smile against her and kissed her neck, her lips as he pulled back from her and flopped onto the pillows of the bed. "I think I know what you mean," he breathed as he pulled her against him, his arm curling against the tight skin of her back. She was marvelous, he thought as he ran his fingers over her. With a groan, he pushed himself up against the headboard until he was sitting and he reached for the tray that was within arm's length of the bed. He plucked up a piece of crusty bread that had herb cheese smeared over the top of it and offered it to Cassandra.

"Mmmm," she moaned and bit into the bread. She barely took time to chew and swallowed it down. "Bless Josephine for remembering food," she said and took another bite. She watched Varric as he prepared a piece of bread for himself. She knew how hungry he was; he'd been grumbling about it all day.

She moved to lean against his side as they ate in silence for a moment, letting her mind clear from the pleasure. She couldn't remember ever being so completely happy. So whole. And it was all because of him. She finished off her piece of bread and sucked the cheese from her finger. "Varric, I want to try again."

Varric paused, the piece of bread and cheese frozen halfway between his mouth and fingers when the warrior spoke. He lowered the bread and looked at her, remembering when he had said the same words to her, that he had wanted to try again. "Do you mean what I think you mean, Seeker?"

"You said yourself that you wanted to try to have another child," she said, looking up at him from her reclined position at his side. "I asked you to give me time to think about it. And you have. Several months, in fact." She paused, realizing he hadn't brought the topic up since. "You do still want to try, do you not? Or have you changed your mind?"

He smiled and quickly ate the piece of bread he held in his fingers before he turned to her, cupping her cheek in his hands. "I would love nothing more than to try again with you. With the war and everything, do you think now is a good time to try, or should we wait until Corypheus is defeated?"

"We are both still needed by the Inquisition," she answered. "I will not risk being with child when we face Corypheus again. But as soon as we have won, I want to have a child with you. It would be nice to have a family again." She traced her fingertips over his hand cradling her face. "I have been so frightened of the thought for so long. But today has shown me that we can be happy again. And that it is okay to be happy. That does not mean we forget the hard lesson we learned, but we can grow from it."

"That's the best advice I have heard in a long time, Seeker," he said as he leaned in and claimed her lips in a passionate kiss. "What do you think about going back to Kirkwall after this is all over?" he asked as he withdrew from her, settling happily next to her.

"I hadn't given much consideration to what I would do after we defeat Corypheus," she admitted, rolling on her side to look at him. She reached over and rested her hand on his arm, lightly tracing the muscles of his arm with her thumb. "I would not mind going to Kirkwall if that would make you happy."

He smiled against her palm as it cupped his cheek. "I have to go back to Kirkwall. I was born and raised there. I can't just leave it to rebuild on its own. I would be honored if you joined me there. To rebuild what it has lost, only better. I have a permanent room in the Hanged man, if you recall. I could have it spruced up, just for you, of course."

Cassandra leaned in to steal another kiss from him again. "Wherever we go, I will be happy as long as I am at your side," she vowed before a wicked grin split her lips. "Now eat up, dwarf. You are going to need your strength tonight." She gave him a sultry look. "Although we may not yet be trying for a child, we could always practice."

Varric chuckled and sat up, only to grab the tray of food so he could move it between the two of them. He eagerly plucked up a slice of bread with cheese, putting a piece of fruit on the bread before he bit down on the delight, moaning softly at the taste, "I'm not sure who to thank on this account, Sparkler or Ruffles."

She rested her head on her hand, lying on her side, a soft smile on her lips as she watched her husband eat ravenously. She chose a piece of fruit for herself and ate it slowly, enjoying the sweet coolness on her lips and tongue. She would've laughed at him for eating so quickly had she not felt bad about it. They truly had very little time to eat at the reception; people kept interrupting them every moment it seemed. And she wasn't about to say a word to him for eating now.

She relaxed on the bed, into the softness of the now-mussed rose petals. It was still hard to believe that she was married. And yet, it was so perfect, so comfortable with him. Even if she'd tried, she couldn't imagine anyone else in his place. "I am so lucky to have you," she said softly.

Varric paused as he ate, smiling at his wife. He swallowed down the current bite of food and studied her for a moment, the way she relaxed back against the rose petals, the way they brushed her skin, it was better than he imagined. "Who would have guessed it, Seeker? You and me against the rest of the world. I'm glad I didn't put money down on this. It was the last thing I expected to happen."

She laughed lightly at that. "It was the last thing anyone expected to happen," she answered. "Although Dorian would have been very happy if you had made the wager." She reached over and grabbed up a piece of fruit, then fed it to him. "I almost expect to wake up at any moment, find that this is not real," she murmured.

He smiled at her, leaning over and pressing their foreheads together. "You and me both, Seeker, but if this is a dream and I'm in some bed in a coma, I don't want to wake up." He ate another piece of fruit when she pressed it to his lips and he sighed contentedly, "I sure hope Sparkler thought ahead enough so they bring us breakfast. I'm not letting us leave this room tomorrow."

Cassandra arched an eyebrow at him. "And just how do you expect them to bring it to us?" she asked and looked pointedly at the wardrobe they'd slid in front of the door. "Oh well. I suppose we could open a window and they could give it to us that way," she said with a light laugh as she moved to wrap an arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to his chest over his heart.

Varric hummed as he thought about it. "Nah, they can leave it outside the door and we will strategically move it aside long enough to grab the food and then hole up again. We're smart, we will figure out something. I would hope that Ruffles would know better than to disturb us more than that the day after our wedding." He reached up to his hair and tugged the tie from it, tossing it aside before he turned back to Cassandra. There was something so sensual about laying in bed together, naked and snacking on a tray of food.

She smiled and reached up to scratch at his scalp, making his hair fall around his face. "I do rather like the way you look when it's all a mess," she purred. She gave a small sigh, her face serious once again. "If it were not for the Inquisition, we could have gone away for a time, had a proper honeymoon. Perhaps we could, once this is all over?"

Varric smiled at the thought. "Yeah, I think that could be arranged," he said, letting her fingers comb through his hair. "And you are the only one I'll let do that to my hair. You have no idea how long it takes me to get it just right in the mornings," he teased her before he picked up the tray and set it aside before he tugged her to sit on top of him as he reclined back in the bed. He just wanted to marvel her for a moment before their lives got crazy again.

Cassandra bit her lip as she straddled her husband, reaching down to thread the fingers of both hands into his hair. "Maker, I will never get over how handsome you are," she breathed. It amazed her how she could get so turned on just by looking at him. She wiggled in his lap, trying to entice him into another round of lovemaking. She wanted to thoroughly enjoy this night with him, to make sure she satisfied him as many times as she could.

"Insatiable minx," Varric purred up at her as his hands went to her hips as she started wiggling against him. He was so attuned to her in that moment, his length hardening at just the thought of her riding him like this. He carefully lifted her up and teased her slick folds with the head of his cock before he let her slide down onto him. He groaned as her tight heat enveloped him.

Cassandra gasped as he filled her again, making her body stretch to accommodate his thick length. "So good," she gasped breathlessly. She moaned low in her throat as she shifted her hips, feeling him move within her. She had to have more. She lifted herself up, then plunged back down, crying out as she speared herself on him. "Varric!" she cried and repeated the motion, clenching around his length as she rode him.

"Maker's breath," Varric gasped as she slid up and down his length. She was like a woman in an oasis after being stranded in the desert dying of thirst. Might make for a really good book for his trashy romance novel, he thought offhandedly, only to groan a moment later as she squeezed him tightly between her thighs. "Cassandra," he moaned and reached up to pull her down to him, claiming her lips in a frantic kiss.

She moaned back against him, bouncing in his lap. She could already feel her orgasm creeping up on her, making her movements more desperate, rushed. Her toes curled as her pleasure built and she breathed raggedly, trying to draw it out for as long as she could. "Varric, I'm so close," she gasped in his ear.

Varric drew in a breath, loving the way she curled around him. The way her breasts bounced as she rode him. "Maker, Cassandra," he breathed and reached up to cup her flesh, thrusting up to meet her hips, "Come for me. Let me see you." He was close as well, it wouldn't take much more for him to reach completion, but he wanted to see her first. See the way that blush spread across her entire body, up her throat and into her cheeks. She was a masterpiece.

Cassandra sat up straighter, leaning slightly back as she bounced on him. Oh, that was perfect, angling him within herself to hit just the right spot. Not only that, but she was very much aware of the way it put her body on display for him. A sob of pleasure escaped her as she finally gave in, plunging herself onto his cock over and over as she rode out her orgasm, screaming his name.

Varric cried out his own release moments later. Seeing Cassandra like that, leaning back and exposing her toned body to him, it didn't take much more for him to reach that peak. His cock spilled inside of her, and he had to grab her hips to hold her still as he thrust up inside of her perfect heat, throwing his head back as he came. All too soon that high faded and he melted back into the mattress, his eyelids drooping as he gazed up at her.

She gave him a tired smirk and lifted herself slowly, letting him gently slip from her body. She moved to lay beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Shall we sleep for just a little while?" she asked. "You look tired. I can wake you in a little while if you want." She pressed soft kisses along his jaw, loving the way it scraped against her skin.

Varric let out a contented sigh as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as he fumbled for the bedsheets. "That sounds like an excellent idea, Seeker. No need to rush our day. Not when we can spend every night like it's our wedding night," he murmured into her skin as he wrapped her around him and pulled the covers over both of them.

She sighed contentedly and let him wrap her up in the blankets, her cheek on his warm chest. She could already feel sleep tugging at her. But he was right. They had the rest of their lives to spend endless nights together. And in that moment, she couldn't possibly imagine a better life than that.


End file.
